A Brief Note to Pin to Karl Rove When He Gets on the Plane Back to Texas

Dear Texas,

Here is Karl Rove back. Please do the rest of us a favor and keep him there.

Lock him in the attic like your sister's halfwit bastard. Throw him in the slammer like a drunk Texas Tech frat boy on spring break. We don't care.

Just don't let him out of Texas. Ever again. That ol' boy is bad news. He's like stepping over the pasture fence and putting your boot down in something soft.

We're not saying anything -- we're just saying, you know? There's folks out here that say he's just another in a long string of problems "you-all" have smeared on the country. There's folks that say if it weren't for Bob Wills and Willie Nelson and the rest of that music of yours, "you-all" would be more trouble than "you-all" are worth.

Remember the time we helped you fight Mexico for your independence? Remember how we let you become a state? Remember how you seceded from the Union and went to war with us after that?

We kicked your ass and forgave you and let you back in, didn't we? And we've forgiven you a lot of times since then -- except calling the Dallas Cowboys, "America's Team." Calling the Cowboys, "America's Team" is unforgivable.

We'll probably even forgive you for George W. Bush eventually. But you have to promise to do us this one small favor: Keep Turd Blossom down there.