Don't Send a Ten Dollar Word to Do a Two Cent Word's Job

All over America right now, in cube farms, conference rooms and corner offices, business people are using ten-dollar words where two-centers would do just fine.

They're utilizing "utilize" when they could just as easily use "use." They're talking about "selling solutions" when the company really makes and sells nuts, bolts, or ball peen hammers.

In the process, they're throwing away the common sense language of American business -- a language where people say what they mean, mean what they say, and make real money in the process.

There is pure business genius in simple language. Consider, "Lather. Rinse. Repeat."

In "Lather" and "Rinse" we have a complete set of instructions for shampooing our hair. The genius -- the American business genius -- is in "Repeat." This one word, written in the imperative instructs us us to double the rate of product consumption. Untold gallons of shampoo have gone down the drain because America, "repeats." Billions of dollars have been amassed and dispersed to stockholders.

And make no mistake about it. America doesn't "reutilize." It "repeats."

Our parents and grandparents gave us this plain and simple language with which to do business and make fortunes. We're crapping it away. All over America. Right now.

We don't grab opportunities. We "optimize" them. Even our dead people aren't dead people any more. They are "deceased."

On the couch the other night, flipping through the channels, I paused at one of those cop shows long enough to hear a man in blue use "deceased" as a verb.

"...The victim was shot three times, and deceased en route to the hospital..."

So it goes. On and on. We wander farther and farther from plain, simple words. We make ourselves -- and others -- work harder to figure out what we mean.

I'm not saying people should sweat blood into writing perfect sentences. I'm suggesting we should all do what our ancestors might suggest and, "Spit it out, you durn fool."

But no. Here we are flailing away in cube farms, corner offices and and conference rooms, generating Word documents no one will understand, using ten dollar words when two centers would do fine.

If you are ready to "optimize" the opportunity and "utilize" simpler language. Start with this simple step. Write this down on a Post-it Note:

"Cease the utilization of less than optimal verbiage."

Stick the Post-it Note on your monitor.

And the next time you open a new Microsoft Word document, stare at the note, and mutter under your breath, "Spit it out, you durn fool."

Comments

[Potomacker]

This is not a recent phenomenon. It's always been the case that members of the lower classes will pick up the language of their economic superiors in order to get ahead in society. It's why there are so many French borrowings in English. England was ruled by a French speaking elite for more than 300 years and the peasants simply listened and repeated.
And today we live in a society that rewards members who makes the best liars: actors, spokespersons, politicians, CEOs, hacks, pundits,etc. Anybody who can look at us and convince of what isn't is rewarded in excess. Am I the only person who finds it astounding that fictional writers earn far more than those who must factcheck?
Cube dwellers and outsourceable text producers now follow the inane advice of word usage gurus. They shape the language as it slowly reshapes them and us all. Subterfuge is a marketable skill. Dissembling with government documents and banking forms makes a lot of people more money than they ever need.
If we want to protect the usefulness of th language, we only have to stop want to imitate the liars and that will only happen as soon as we stop compensating them so damned much.

[Jason357]

Here's one of my favorite quotes, supposedly from Edward Gibbon. Plain language, but a work of art.

"A puny child, neglected by my mother, starved by my nurse, and of whose being very little care or expectation was entertained."

[Jason357]

This is an excellent article. I had a college professor who insisted on plain language. He didn't really say it, but excessive flowery language is usually a sign of either ignorance or deception.

Poor sentence structure is much of the problem. Expanded vocabularies are often used misused and abused It's not bad to have an expanded vocabulary, but certain verbiage fits certain situations. I expect columnists and professional writers to have a bit more flare with language than I would expect in average conversation. George Will might be overkill, but somewhere in the middle. As with anything, best in moderation.

[ArtLiquidBlogspot]

Once again,The PC Diversion,when things are bleak, name Calling and dividing people are for
smug and the under-tow of who really cares?New Orleans,Iraq etc...It easier to care-less than to Care!

[givemycountryback]

It is because the 30 somethings are running business and do not have a clue about what words to use to comminicate with their underlings. Before I left cubicle world, all I heard was "on the same page" "team player" and proactive. I had worked for that company for 20 years without hearing this crap. THen the young consultants were called in every other month and the fun started. It was ridiculous hearing my 60 year old manager spout proactive every other word when she didnt even know what it meant. Fools are running our businesses now. And they sure are not on the same page.

[pollye]

Yes! I listen to that corporate schlock speak every day. And then at 5pm I leverage my rather substantial assets right outta my chair and go home.

[Thad]

Wait. Corporations use unnecessary buzzwords? Holy crap, what an amazing observation that would be if this was 1992!

[mistyroses]

There are a couple of issues here. Misusing words is one thing. See the dictionary for the correct meaning! Using words for an overblown effect is another. That's called pomposity. Now, you may call that very last word too fancy, but it hits the nail on the head! Then there is the issue of political correctness that I agree has distorted the English language beyond recognition in some cases. I find that the higher the writer's educational level, the more likely words are thrown around in haphazard fashion. Ultimate B.S. indeed. In sum, concise, plain language is preferred, but don't discard powerful vocabulary. It's a matter of knowing when to use what word properly for the best effect.

[tcagle]

Grok

[larry278]

The # of those who pay lip service to THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE but always use a $25.00 word where a two bit word would do outnumber the # of those who indulge in oral sex. Preventing flatulance in writing is a lost cause.

[Desiderata]

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I said.
It's only words,
And words are all I have,
To take your heart away.

__BeeGees

[aBirdOfLiberty]

The MBAs are catching up (down?) with trial lawyers, and they're the root of this problem. They learn this code in their MBA Business Fantasy Camps, then it's how they recognize each other while flim-flamming their co-workers & bosses. Who, unfortunately find themselves trying to keep up with the trends.

My favorite boss ever had the best word for cutting through that malarky, and it used only 3 letters: "Huh?" - and then remaining silent while the line plays out and the perpetrator entangles him/herself in more and more verbosity till they strangle themselves.

[BadChristian]

Just like the eighties with the "Power Words" from their "Day minders."

[AOGutierrez]

The problem is that we're a bunch of half educated peasants trying to impress people so they'll give us money. Sometimes I think English is being taught by Chico Marx.

Groucho: What about the sanity clause.

Chico: You can't fool me everybody knows there ain't no Sanity Claus.

[threesmommy]

Speaking of cube farms, I worked in one, with a manager who used extremely convoluted sentence structure. Whenever we had a meeting, I found myself wondering a) what she was really trying to say, and, more importantly b) what she was trying so hard NOT to say. She engendered puzzlement and distrust throughout the company, always adhering to corporatespeak while leaving groups of people scratching their heads and wondering if they heard her right. Once, we asked her to solve the typical cubicleland problem of one noisy newcomer. Her response was completely incomprehensible, and the problem persisted indefinitely.

[OrvilleHLarson]

Excellent, Mr. Smith.

We've got to get back to expressing ourselves in plain, unadorned English. No bullshit euphemisms, no convoluted bullshit of the kind lawyers use.
(Speaking of lawyers, if I had my way, I've shove copies of Rudolf Flesch's "The Art of Plain Talk" down their throats.)

In essence, what I'm saying is: Don't be afraid to call bullshit "bullshit."

Savvy?

[Zanti]

I don't think it's a matter of using simpler words--it's more a matter of using words correctly. In a literate fashion.

I have fond memories of company memos that instruct employees to do their tasks "timely." Not "in a timely manner," but "timely." Adjectives in the place of adverbs were the rule at my place of business.

Another favorite: doing something "commensurate with" the guidelines. I once asked a supervisor if I was being asked to shrink myself to the size of my PC's screen.

These were all company-approved memos/guidelines. And I've given two of the less stupid examples.

It's not a word-size issue, in my view, but a matter of basic grammar.

Oh, and there's the almost separate issue of misused words. "Problematic," for instance, used to mean puzzling, hard to figure out, baffling. Now it simply means something that's filled with problems. More and more, people are using words based on what they sound like, not what they actually mean.

[nopartygal]

Exactly! The sad truth is that many people who use these overdone and pretentious words/phrases often don't have a clue what they're actually saying. My favorite is the often encountered voice message: "Please leave your name and number at the tone and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience". Surely, these people have no idea that, in essence, they are telling me (the customer) that they will return my call when they're good and ready....?

[Zanti]

Great example! That hadn't occurred to me.

People who use that line on their VM should follow it with a loud yawn....