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7 Tips For Time Travel (PHOTOS)

Posted: 04/ 4/2012 2:36 pm

So you're interested in time travel. Think you can just strap a flux capacitor to your back, get struck by lightning, and become a knight of King Arthur's court before suppertime? Think again.

Time travel is no simple endeavor. Just because you have plutonium, a sweet car from the 1980s and the blessing of your local mad scientist doesn't mean you're ready for what awaits you on the other side of a wormhole (like hungry dinosaurs and probe-happy aliens). Time travel is 98 percent preparation, 1 percent luck, and around 53 percent screaming and running like a scared child*.

So before you go flinging yourself into the waiting jaws of grizzly molecular-decomposition death, consider the following safety tips, a small sampling of what's on offer in the thing you really need to survive your adventures in trans-temporal relocation: So You Created a Wormhole: The Time Traveler's Guide to Time Travel [Berkley Books, $14.99]**. These tips constitute a few of the most important things you should be thinking about before and during your various time travel endeavors, and may well save your life (but probably not), as well as the lives of all the hapless billions you endanger with your wanton disregard for the laws of physics (but probably not).

*Note: Percentages not based on fact.
**Note: Must buy book to live.

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Each time machine model has its benefits and risks, so choose wisely. Some things to keep in mind as you dodge probing questions about your personal life from the sleazy used time machine salesman:

Skin - Do you want to keep yours? Any open-air models, like giant hamster balls and Sebring convertibles affixed with flux capacitors, tend to result in melted skin. The idea here is to not BBQ yourself.

Direction - Which way are you traveling? This matters. For example, a spaceship with faster-than-light capabilities works pretty well for travel to the future, but typically requires you to fly through a black hole in order to travel to the past. Which can kill you. In fact, we're not even technically sure that getting sucked into a black hole in order to time travel even works.

Style - The only thing more important than traveling through time is looking good doing it. Add some neon lights. Put some tassels on the handlebars. Consider some gull wing doors. You're a time traveler -- start acting like it.
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