Dear Phyllis,
My husband is a Sag.* I am a Cancer**. He's a wonderfully generous man, but sometimes he rants on and on about politics, taxes, or why I am over-using the garage door opener. (Can you really wear those things out?) When he gets on a roll it feels unloving and cold. What can I do?
Signed, Lectured and Losing it
Dear Sweet Lectured Cancer,
Your dear beloved happens to be the astrological sign that loves to pontificate! Sagittarians are enthusiastic orators as they enjoy nothing more than "speaking their truth". They are natural teachers and love seizing any opportunity to give others the benefit of their vast repertoire of knowledge.
Being a fire sign also helps your husband turn into a "bonfire" when he feels passionately about something, which he often does. What seems unloving and cold to you is actually excitement for him. It's nothing personal - it's his nature.
Your sign Cancer, on the other hand is more internal and sensitive. If you are like most Cancers, you like to be nurtured and coddled. You'd probably prefer your husband express his political insights and garage door suggestions in a concerned, "loving you" kind of a way.
He may not realize his intensity overwhelms you. Or, if he does, he might figure you should get over it and listen to him.
He may also fail to realize that his intensity threatens you. And when threatened, Cancers withdraw. And they sulk. That doesn't work for either of you, does it?
Instead of fuming with resentment, chime in. Tell your husband you are very interested in his point of view, (the sure way to Sag's heart). But that you would find easier to consider, if not admire his thoughts if they were delivered in a gentler, give-and-take-in- the-conversation way.
Will he always be able to honor that request? I doubt it. As I say, Sags love a blustering discussion, even if they are the only ones talking.
It's your responsibility to take care of yourself. Maintain confidence in your perspective and good natured-ly say something like, "It's my turn to talk!" And then speak. (Tell Sag it's also his turn to listen or he might get up and make a sandwich.) That keeps your husband from dominating the conversation and keeps you from clamming up.
Remember this difference in communication styles isn't about love. It's about personality. Just because your husband behaves in a way that makes you uncomfortable doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Dear Phyllis,
I am an actress breaking into the movie business. I'm lucky enough to have a terrific agent who's helped me get good roles, and I've received excellent reviews. Problem is I don't believe I'm that talented. Every time I get a job, I die a million deaths fearing I'll fail. What can I do to gain confidence? My birthday is March 3rd.
Insecure Leading Lady
Dear Leading Lady,
You happen to be a Pisces***, which makes you a natural actress indeed. You have the kind of sensitivity and compassion that deeply understands the gamut of emotions and revels in the drama of life. Your legendary imaginativeness allows you to lose yourself in creative pursuits, another trait of a gifted artist.
Many Pisces have an unusual kind of ego. It's more fluid and boundary-less than other people's. You can at once feel like you are everything, and then feel as you are nothing at all. Often Pisces report feeling a like a vessel wherein creativity, skill, intuition, and spirit all work through them to manifest something that surprises even them.
These traits contribute to your talent, and yet they can sometimes play havoc with your sense of confidence. You might not know exactly how you do your art - you just do it. Because of that it probably is hard to feel you'll "nail" a role before you get started. It comes through you in the moment of the scene.
My advice is: Don't wait until you feel confident to take action. Confidence comes from doing. The more you do the more you'll realize what you are capable of, and that builds confidence. Of course do what you can to prepare, because that is part of the doing.
Remember you are talented regardless of if your ego feels assured. It's a tool - it's not you. Your spirit is grander - express through it.
*Sagittarians are born November 23rd-Dec 22nd
**Cancers are born June 22nd - July 22nd
***Pisces are born February 19th - March 20th.