Ask Phyllis...Astrology and Beyond: Guilt-Laden Leo

Dear Phyllis,

I need your advice. I'm a Leo and although I know the world revolves around me, I try to be considerate and often put others before myself. In fact, my mother, a Cancer is always a concern for me. She is in her late 60s. Although her health is good and she has been re-married for a few years, I know that her years of not needing me so nearby are limited. My older brother, a Sagittarius, is moving to Switzerland. This leaves me the only child near my mother. Here's my problem: I want to move back to Japan where I can earn a much-needed larger income so I can pay off my debts. But my mom is giving me a huge guilt trip about it. She says one of her kids should stay in the states with her. What should I do?

Sincerely, Royal, But Feeling Guilty, Leo

Dear Royally Guilty One,

I see two questions here. One is should you consider moving to Japan to raise money to pay off your debt? The other is do you owe it to your mom to be there for her should she need you, even if it comes at the expense of your financial health?

Your question about moving to Japan is easy to answer: Yes. Many Leos are moving long-distance in 2009, or traveling, or going to school or otherwise doing something that stretches their lives and rocks their world.

I suspect doors would open for you in Japan. Moving there would likely be successful and help you grow and learn in remarkable ways.

Now. About your guilty feelings: Guilt is a lousy reason to do or not do anything. I always remind my clients that we are now living in the Age of Aquarius. Our lessons involve taking care of ourselves first so we can assist others from a healthy and strong place. Being responsible for and to ourselves is a big key.

But the idea of taking care of ourselves first can seem like a selfish act. That's because we are moving out of the Age of Pisces. It idealized martyrdom and hyper self sacrifice as the path to being a good person.

These days we are learning about empowering ourselves and supporting others empowering themselves. Staying in the states when you don't want to and falling behind financially doesn't seem like an empowering decision. You might be adding the illusion of security to your mom, but creating insecurity for yourself, financially, emotionally and otherwise.

That said, I understand your predicament:

Your mom's Sun Sign in Cancer gives her two distinct qualities: One is terrifically parental and nurturing. The other is quite child-like and seeks (expects, or even demands) nurturing from others. When in the child-like side of her nature, your mom can really believe she can't take care of herself. And that someone else should.

Truth is, Cancers are extremely resourceful and rarely unable to care for themselves.

Being a Leo female makes you strong and capable, but it also makes you prone to over-responsibility. Leos are often so determined to live up to the expectations of those around them they become utterly worn out trying!

Most times Leo's over-giving is rooted in their need to be loved. Other times Leos knock themselves out managing other's affairs out of a need to control. They often underestimate others' ability to manage - or manage well. (read: do things their way). So Leos end up doing everything themselves.

To make things worse, Leo's overcontrol fosters a weakness in others that creates more neediness. Vicious cycle. Watch for that.

(Note: Leo males are much less prone to the over-give tendency - they are usually quite satisfied with what they do offer, thankyouverymuch.)

So your mom's (we'll call it) preference (it could certainly be uber-guilt) for you to remain in the states in case she needs you dovetails beautifully with your belief that you are responsible for her care.

But ask yourself: Are you really? Are you being more loyal to your mom that you are to your self?

I bet your Leo generosity and pride is also playing a role here -- I'm sure you'd like to see yourself as someone who saves the day for your mom.

You might want to take the cue from your Sagittarian brother. Since Sags believe their life's calling is to explore and find meaning, they rarely force themselves to make the kind of sacrifices that take the fun out of life. Or they don't do it for long.

Talk to you mom. Tell her you love her. Tell her that you are concerned about her and want to be a good daughter. Then appeal to her nurturing side by letting her know that you have to take good care of yourself and moving to Japan is a terrific way to do that. Remind her that the financial security you could establish while working in Japan will put you in a better position to support yourself and, (if you choose to) lend a hand to her should that need ever arise.

Whatever you decide, carry on with an attitude of adventure and expansion. You want to make the most of 2009's growth energy no matter where you are. Good luck!

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Comments

[wayoutleft]

water signs- especially cancer, cardinal water- are very possessive too.

[midwesthousewife]

Somehow left out of this story and the answer is the fact that Leo's mother has remarried and that she is in her sixties. Granted, we aren't given any details, but most people in their sixties are in pretty good health. Watching the aging of my parents' friends, who are all in their eighties, there are only a few who have care needs and those are being provided by the spouse at this time. Leo needs to go ahead and live her life. Her mother probably won't be needing her nearby for another couple of decades, if even then.

The real concern is an awareness that life does not go on forever and the reason to be nearby is to spend time with a loved one. Frequent Skype and email communication and regular visits could fill alot of that desire. Maybe if Leo speaks to her mother about this particular aspect of their relationship it will help her mother see that she will not be losing her daughter, but can continue warm, long conversations at any distance.

[bwalsh1]

I think the mother is upset because obviously her children don't really mind not seeing her for long periods of time. I realize she is in good health, but long oversea plane rides are probably hard and expensive for someone her age. Also, she is probably disappointed that family is not more of a concern for her children.

I was sad when ecomonic factors forced us to move across the country because we would not be close to family. I can't imagine moving across the globe. While she should take good opportunities that come her way, she should also acknowledge her mothers feelings of loss as valid and important. This will make her mother feel better and help ease her guilt.

[Mari X]

Hah! I appreciate PATina's comment. I'm a Virgo who was seduced into giving up my own life and assets to assist an aging Scorpio mother. As soon as she had me where she wanted me the stinger came out and poisoned our relationship forever. She literally tried to kill me!
Y'know that old story about the frog and the scorpion? Frog gives scorpion a ride across the pond so scorpion will not drown. Scorpion stings and kills frog as soon as they get to the dry bank. Frog asks, "Why, did you do that, I helped you!" Scorpion coldly responds, "Because that's my nature."

OUCH! I am now avoiding all scorpions, permanently.

[PATina]

Interesting. Any advice for the Scorpio who has the "reverse" Midas Touch (everything I touch turns to dust).