11/28/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Astrology and Beyond: Computer Screen Envy

Dear Phyllis,

I'm afraid my Aries son, "Josh" (born April 14th)* is on the verge of making a big mistake. He's considering marrying a gal who I suspect won't be enough for him. "Rachel" is a sweet and kind single mom. She has much simpler tastes and ambitions than the other gals Josh has dated. Josh says he enjoys how Rachel nurtures him and he yearns for the family lifestyle she seems to offer him. But Josh has recently confessed an attraction to another gal, Jensen. She's a world traveler, yoga enthusiast and teaches at University. Josh says he's drawn to Jensen and her expansive lifestyle, but doesn't want to hurt Rachel. My question: Can an Aries ever settle down?

Signed, Mama Trying Not to Meddle

Dear Mama (who is kinda meddling),

Let me guess, you're a Cancer,* right? No Cancer mother could resist doing everything possible to protect her child, including writing Ask Phyllis for astrological insight. Here it is:
No. Aries rarely "settle down" and enjoy it. Until they are ready to.

Let me clarify.

Aries typically need to be challenged, moved, even confronted by their beloved in order to remain attentive and turned on. (The chemistry needs to be great, too). Rachel needs to keep sparking Josh's taste for new interests, or at least keep up with his. If she doesn't, Josh could become bored and want to move on.

However, having kids with Rachel and fulfilling his family-lifestyle dream could satisfy Josh for a good, long while. But that would be the kids holding Josh's attention.

Of course we could argue that Josh has fear of commitment and his attraction to Jensen is simply a symptom of his insecurity. When I raised this observation with my Aries Advisory Board they all said, "So what if Josh is afraid to make a commitment? If he doesn't want to make one, he shouldn't be forced to!" So much for deep thoughts.

Aries aren't big on self-sacrifice. After all, their sign is wired to exemplify "To thine own self be true." Ultimately, most Aries do exactly what their instincts prompt them to - even it if seems self-involved or selfish. (The older Aries get, the more mature and self-aware and compassionate the "Self" they're true to grows.)

Aries do report that a time does come when they are ready and able to make a commitment and settle down. Seems it's an instinctive "it's time" kind of thing. Then they are congruent and excited about enjoying life with one chosen person.

Bottom line: Josh has noticed another woman. Usually an Aries in love and ready-to- commit is so hyper-focused on their beloved, they don't fall prey to other's charms.

Looking at Josh's chart, I notice an outstanding Venus transit in early 2010. That could bring a terrific love situation into his life. Although that might seem eons away, it'll be here in the wink of an eye. I support Josh in waiting until then to make his final commitment decision, if that's what he chooses to do.

Dear Phyllis,

Is it may imagination or is my Virgo* girlfriend more in love with her job than she is with me? Although we have loads of fun when we're together, she inevitably schedules work before time with me. I've heard Virgos can be work-a-holics. Are they? Do they ever change? What can I do to get her to spend more time with me?

Signed, Envious of the Fax Machine

Dear Waiting for 5:00, 6:00, 10:00....

Work-a-holic is such a strong word, don't you think? Let's use the words dedicated, satisfied by, seeking identity from, and I would say sure ...that probably describes your Virgo girlfriend.

Just because she puts work first doesn't mean your Virgo loves it more than she loves you. It's different. You are the category of Social Connection. Or maybe Fun. Work is in the category of MEANING OF LIFE. Work is what Virgos think they're born to do. It's hard to compete with that, no matter how appealing you are.

You certainly aren't alone. As I point out in my book, You're Every Sign!** every night there are millions of Virgo's companions eating dinner alone while their Virgo takes one more appointment, files one more statement, fixes one more broken something.

The question you should ask yourself is "Can I live like this?"

Because working is how Virgos will live most of their lives. If they aren't at their job, they're busy cleaning the closets. Even while vacationing, Virgos get busy and map out the most effective strategy for being a tourist.

If you are industrious and enjoy accomplishing things, Virgo is an amazing companion.
If you are independent and enjoy pursuing interests on your own until Virgo shows up, great.

But if you are yearning for a companion who dedicates herself to nurturing, cooing, and loving you just the way you are without expecting you to work to overcome your flaws, it's unlikely Virgo will fulfill your needs.

Virgos are smart, youthful and loyal companions. God knows they keep up with you intellectually and understand your interests. But they have their own life.

How do you get a Virgo to spend more time with you?

Call her and make an appointment. In that way, you are part of her schedule. Then she'll apply her signature work ethic towards making your time together as excellent as possible. Simple as that.

*Aries are born March 21st- April 19th
Cancers are born June 22nd-July 22nd
Virgos are born August 23rd-September 22nd

**You're Every Sign: Using Astrology's Keys to Create Success, Love and Happiness (by Phyllis Firak-Mitz, M.A.) explores in fun, easy-to-understand language everything you need to know about every astrological sign: personality traits, gifts, fears and even spiritual purpose.

Got Questions? Write Phyllis at
If you would like a personal consultation with Phyllis phone 303-730-6680 or visit her website

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