In second grade I set out my life plan. I would become a newspaper reporter, then write books and live in New York or maybe a big house next door to my parents in Oregon (when I was seven they were still pretty cool). As a grownup, I would eat as many olives as I desired. And, I would never -- ever -- make my kids eat tuna casserole.
I've made good on most of those things -- I can put away the olives like you wouldn't believe, and my parents are still cool, though I'm not living next door to them. I did work as a newspaper reporter (loved it). I've published a couple of books (satisfying) and I've managed to stay away from tuna casserole for my entire adult life (success!). And, in between all the plans I made, I've had a whole bunch of experiences -- successes and failures -- that I could have never predicted. In each one there was a gift.
I like thinking back on the goals I've achieved and those that I'm still chasing after. I'm an accomplished Type-A-To-Do Lister. That organized, planned approach helps me get things done. But when I reflect on some of the so-called bigger things that I've accomplished, it's almost always the people and experiences I've encountered en route to that goal that leave me feeling the most fulfilled.
After all, it's the process that has the most to teach. The journey that is the most fun. Now instead of pushing toward a single goal, it's the experience along the way that I'm after. It keeps me moving forward. This is also a less stressful, more fun approach to goal management -- and life.
If you want to feel more fulfilled, more excited, and passionate about your life, if you want to make good on your goals and avoid tuna casserole, here are three things that can help:
1. Focus on making this moment better. Often, we put our energy into projecting out where we'll be in the future. "In five years I want to be _______________." When we do that, we aren't focusing on what is happening right now, and it is what we do in this moment that will get us to the next. This is the one that matters. Everything you do now impacts everything you can do next and everything you will be in five years. So, put a little attention on the present. Make this moment better. That is a sure fire way to create a big life of great little moments all while edging you closer to your goals.
2. Go for the good feeling. When we think of what we want in life, we tend to focus on achievement -- getting the grade, making the money, getting the guy, buying the house -- when what we really want is the feeling that external reward would create in us: satisfaction, freedom, love or security. So, instead of waiting to be happy until you achieve your goal, go after the feeling first.
Know which emotions you want to experience and the desires that you want met, and create those feelings in your life right now. You don't have to wait for the big check or fancy house to feel successful; you can feel it right now if you are taking daily actions toward your dreams. You don't have to lose weight to feel healthy and happy. You can make healthy choices for your body today and enjoy the feelings that come.
When I set the goal to write a book, I was ultimately after the feelings of contribution and accomplishment that I thought writing a book would create. So, I took steps every day to create those vibes even before the book was in the works.
I spent time writing the proposal. I became more aware of the positive contribution I was already making in my family and community, and I completed at least one meaningful task (usually unrelated to writing) each day so that I could experience that sense of accomplishment I desired.
When you do this -- when you are infused with positive emotion -- you move into flow and a place of possibility which breeds momentum and passion and only moves you closer to your dreams.
3. Be open to whatever comes. Often we are so focused on achieving a particular goal that we don't even see the greater possibilities that come into our life. We sidestep them thinking them to be unrelated or trivial to our mission, when in reality, they offer the very insight or opportunity we need to succeed on our primary path. Sometimes they even change our overall goal, by cluing us into a greater passion or purpose that, until that moment, we weren't even aware of.
From here on out, then, focus on the experience you want to have more than any single outcome. Be clear about what you are after, rather than the how you are going to get it. For example, I set my sights on getting my book published, and worried little about how that would happen. I trusted that the right publisher would become apparent if I focused on my job to create a good project. And it happened just like that.
When you keep working in the direction you want to go, the people and things you need will show up along the way and lead you to where you are meant to be. Don't walk the path with blinders on -- the opportunities may not look like what you expected -- but they are there to serve you. Pay attention and you will learn what you need to know to move forward toward your goal.
Don't limit yourself by thinking that there is only one way to create the life you desire. Understand that engaging in the process and fully experiencing whatever shows up should be the true goal -- the thing that matters most. When you do that, you'll be amazed by all that comes your way.
For more by Polly Campbell, click here.
For more on emotional wellness, click here.