THE BLOG

When the Earth Has Had Too Much, Burp Won't Sound Good!

10/01/2013 05:12 pm ET | Updated Jan 23, 2014

Global warming is a psychological phenomenon. Or, so it is, for a large majority of population. They like to think global warming as a war their neighboring country is fighting with an unknown enemy. It is never theirs, and never will any country specifically feel responsible for it. However, you will see scientists issue warnings after warnings on the topic, that you begin to hallucinate. Is it 'global warming' or is it 'global warning'? Why does 'warming' seem like a snug word that can envelope the earth with a lot of love and affection? Really, blame it on the scientists.

The recent earthquake in Pakistan, created a new island. Everyone thought this was a joke, till NASA posted photos of the newly 'thrown-up' island, it really looked every bit of earth's errr...you know, bulimic binge. This tiny island, the geologists said was really a mass of earth that had surfaced when the sea bed below kinda sent out a burp to say things were really getting hotter inside. And, that's what pushed the mass of earth and rocks to surface. Will this island stay for long enough for some wealthy tycoon to build a resort on it and mint money at the cost of environment? We don't know yet. But the chances are that, a tycoon -- as removed from the reality as they all are -- may soon surface and claim the new-land as his. Till then, geologists can really have a good time studying, if it makes any difference to the callousness the greedy inhabitants of this tiny planet have been exhibiting though!

The story of Noah's Ark will tell you god was fed up with the wickedness of human beings and decided to wipe them off the face of earth. God then ordered Noah, who was the oldest tenant on earth, having lived for close to 950 years, to build an ark and transport animals and men, as specified by him. This meant that the earth was going to be abused over and over again. The seven pairs of animals 'clean' animals along with a man and woman thrown in for sheer variety. Now, that was like self-defeating step! Rains and floods followed, the earth was filled with water everywhere. Eventually, the god let the animals and the couple inhabit the earth. The beginning of the story from here is also its end. God faltered; after all, we are still human beings with limited thinking capacity, and even more limited will to act! And, God truly showed us the way!

So when policies to protect the earth from poisonous gases are made, the seminars where these bills are passed, are sponsored by industries which add to this misery faced by the earth. So, it is of very little surprise when they remain merely that -- the bills and policies. The only bills that matter in such seminars, and are taken rather seriously, are bills of different kind. For instance, hotel bill, travel bill, food bill, drink bill...so on and so forth.

Aren't we the same people who want to protect elephants and leopards; snakes and tigers, but will buy 'original' crocodile skin hand bags made by the who's who in fashion industry? Fake leather is for lesser mortals who cannot afford the real one. To overcome the guilt of having done the excess, we also ensure we pressurize the federal government to pass a bill to protect animals -- for the sake of environment!

It could be a coincidence that we want plastic banned from the face of earth since it takes millions of years to decompose. Oh, how unfashionable is that? Can we not put plastic back into the sea where it comes from? It must be easy. Just give scientists a few billion dollars, and they must get the answer for this, say politicians.

Global warming and its signs are too loud to be ignored till few years ago. But now, like a fashion trend, even global warming is a passé. Some of us actually would love to believe it has totally stopped. Some argue about all the 'warming up' being good to the earth. 'Else, how does the earth get its wash?' ask some novices.

Whenever there has been a variation in temperature, we have attributed it to something as fancy as 'sulphur aerosols' which doesn't really come home. So, when you say this and scream at me through my morning newspaper, I want to run to the washroom and do exactly what the sea did in Pakistan. Puke. And then, may be, go to kitchen and lift a mineral water bottle and drink it up, unmindful of the plastic that I am trashing everyday. Even scientists use them, we say to ourselves, and carry on with life.

Yes, plastic takes millions of years to decompose. But hey, I won't be living that long to answer anyone about how much I contributed to that. So when your *** isn't in the line of fire, why worry?