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'Independence' Is The Scariest Word: My Life With Learning Disabilities

Posted: 06/06/2012 7:34 am

Bullying. It's getting a lot of attention. We hear almost daily of another story where someone who is considered "different" is laughed at, teased, pushed around -- or worse. And where teasing and bullying can lead to sad consequences.

Young adults with learning disabilities understand how hard it is to be "different." I am no stranger to these difficulties because I have learning disabilities, or as I like to call them, learning differences.

People like me have challenges with relationships and with school as a result of our differences. And these difficulties don't go away when we "leave the nest." Entering the "real world" only presents new challenges: dating, employment, managing finances, and more.

To me, independence is the scariest word in the English language. It's like sex, in a way. You're very curious about it. And you don't really know what it is until you experience it.

The truth is that I'm not really prepared to be fully independent. For one, my financial skills, on a scale from 1 to 10, are at about a 1. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to balance a checkbook. My sense of direction is pretty screwed up, too -- I get lost really easily, just kind of turned around. Even though I have a navigation system in the car.

And I don't just get lost, I lose things, too. Whether it's my keys or my medicine, I'm always having trouble finding something or other.

But you do the best you can with the hand you're dealt. And hopefully you don't go it alone. It's really hard sometimes, and I've wanted to throw in the towel. But it helps to know that there are people who believe in me.

And that's part of the reason I started FriendsOfQuinn.com, the only social website out there for people with LD -- so that everyone who feels just a little bit different or left out can meet others who understand, and know that it's okay. We're all in this together, and we can succeed.

"Friends of Quinn" was born and lived on Health Central, a health-related site, for several years. Recently I decided to branch out on my own, and today I'm launching a more social version of the site, with lots of new features:

  • It's the first website to use the "dyslexie" font, a new font that was created to help people with dyslexia read and write better. The font's designer, Christian Boer, has dyslexia. Christian is a great example of "owning it." Rather than letting dyselxie get the better of him, he turned it into a strength.
  • It's more visual. People with learning differences learn differently. So we're using lots of videos and photos to tell stories on the site. I'm posting a video series where I interview adults with LDs who have succeeded in life. I found a way to combine my interest in film and in journalism!
  • Most importantly, it's more social. If you are a friend, a parent or somebody "living with it," you can use the Friend Finder feature to find other people with similar interests -- whether it is in knowing more about dyslexia or being a big fan of science fiction movies. This site feature helps bring people who live with LDs together. You can even find people who live near you.

I want to help make people feel comfortable that it's okay to be learning-disabled. It's not just kids. There are grown-ups who are diagnosed with LD as adults. People are still finding out that they have learning disabilities, even into middle age.

Ever since I was diagnosed with LDs, a lot of people told me and my parents that I'd never do a lot of the things that I've done. One of my favorite things in life is proving those people wrong.

So many folks with LD are too afraid to tell their story. I'm willing to tell mine. It's not the world's most exciting roller-coaster ride or anything, but it's what happened to me. Maybe if I open up about my problems, no matter how embarrassing they might be, other people with learning disabilities might feel free to open up about theirs. I hope the website can be a forum for that.

Whenever I've been willing to tell my story, people usually respond. I've seen firsthand that it helps. On a sailing trip once with a group called Action Quest, I told the other kids that I was dyslexic. At the end of the trip, we all had to write letters to each other, saying what we learned from each other. One of the other kids wrote to me and told me that he was dyslexic, too, and that I was the first person he had ever told. And he never would have told me if I hadn't told him first.

This website fills a real need. There's nothing quite like it out there. In my biggest dream, the site can be a call to action for the whole LD community, to get people involved and connected. We are different. We've been bullied. And we've felt left out. But FriendsOfQuinn is a place where we can embrace our differences, laugh at our mistakes and celebrate our triumphs.

We have a motto at Friends Of Quinn: OWN IT!

For more by Quinn Bradlee, click here.

For more healthy living health news, click here.

 
 
 
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Bullying. It's getting a lot of attention. We hear almost daily of another story where someone who is considered "different" is laughed at, teased, pushed around -- or worse. And where teasing and bul...
Bullying. It's getting a lot of attention. We hear almost daily of another story where someone who is considered "different" is laughed at, teased, pushed around -- or worse. And where teasing and bul...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
scook112793
04:12 PM on 06/10/2012
If you can laugh at your own foibles, you have already won the war and are well on the way to turning lemons into lemonade. Determination can often be the difference in success and failure and is more important, especially in the long run, than "book" smarts!
caugrl
I like my micro-bio being empty.
03:52 PM on 06/10/2012
Good for you to help out others with LD. One thing though, independence is scary for many people LD or no LD. I teach seniors and when it comes time to graduate- they are excited, but many are terribly scared of what the future holds.
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03:29 PM on 06/10/2012
I know I have a learning disability. Usually my boyfriend and I laugh at it because of how ridiculous it can get. Thankfully he lives with me and proofreads what I write for college. My teacher informed me that I think too fast when I write. I'm only in college to become a mortician. I haven't decided if I want to go to business school after this.
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02:25 PM on 06/10/2012
Impressive and empowering. I love to see people turn disadvantages into advantages.
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02:20 PM on 06/10/2012
I was told i had a learning disability around the time i entered Jr. High. I couldn't be sure though, if i really did, or if my school just didn't want me dragging their testing scores down. It wasn't until i was in college tat i realized that they were right. I have problems doing even the most basic math. It gets worse the longer i go without using it. I can barely count change now. I'm starting to think it isn't just numbers too. I'm having major trouble writing papers. It isn't the ideas, the sentence structure or grammar that is getting me, but the whole format as a whole, and citing. I have gone over it hundred of time and i just can't process it.
I'm not sure if it and my anxiety are related, or my tendency to over think things, but it's messing up my life. Even DARS (Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services) hasn't classified it as a real learning disability, even though they were paying a huge chunk of my tuition. Maybe this site could help me, or at least help ME, help me.
03:22 PM on 06/10/2012
not everyone is cut out foir college. they make you think that you should go. but perhaps you should try to learn a trade.
becoming an electrician,plumber,car tech is not a crime.they are good paying jobs and society needs them.
it is terrible what society does to the LD.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
scook112793
04:09 PM on 06/10/2012
Lots of colleges have centers on campus designed specifically to assist students with learning disabilities. You can succeed in college, even if it means taking one or two courses at a time. The bottom line is whether you want to attend college or not and if so, are you willing to ask for the help from those who can provide it, are you willing to consider a reduced class schedule, etc. If not, try to consider what you would like to do, if that means entering the job market right away or attending a trade school or community college that will provide you with specific skills related to what you eventually want to do. It may be a combination of taking a few courses and working in various fields to find out more about yourself. From the article you wrote, you are coping exceptionally well and are very candid with yourself and those around you about your strengths and weaknesses. I believe you already have the skills to do very well in life, which means that you are actually ahead of the curve on your peers. Go get 'em!
03:32 PM on 06/10/2012
After a hear injury I stuggle with words, so doing this is my way of helping myself get better. I am always looking for woods I can spell . I type real slow but I can depend on the few that call me stupid or the F word that and more . That is their of bullying me , but I'm getting better . Aloha
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06:04 PM on 06/10/2012
I'm glad you still have the courage to write. :)
02:13 PM on 06/10/2012
I know this all to offen =/...
01:35 PM on 06/10/2012
Interestingly, it has been demonstrated that "learning disabled" children have on the whole higher intelligence than "normal" children. They learn differently. They also often see the world differently, and that is why many of our most admired artists, scientists and other creative people have learning differences. Each child and adult have their own gifts to bring to the world.
01:07 PM on 06/10/2012
L.D. has been a nightmare for me. So much so....that the end of my biological clock in running down...and I can't wait for it to happen. I grew up in a day, that if you were classified with this stigma, well quite frankly you just as well either went into one of those homes, be the town idiot....or got on with living and did the best you could. One thing....I grew into a mean, nasty tempered and dispositioned old man. As a young guy, I learned how to fight the bullies....and fight I could. What is even worse, was that was the only way I could justify my existance....over some stupid remark, more times than not was innocent...I being not able to see or understand those things. I have an IQ of 134 or something like that, but you'd think on some things, that I was from another galaxy.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
vlynnieg
lighten up a little...but be kind
02:05 PM on 06/10/2012
I was always in accelerated classes, and I was younger than my classmates, and with mild dyslexia, I never felt I fit in. That, and I always had this feeling I was 'wired' a little differently, couldn't really put my finger on it. But, if got me picked on considerably. Especially since I was the token poor kid in the accelerated classes. I somehow naturally figured out ways to compensate to keep it from holding me back, though.
12:18 PM on 06/10/2012
My husband has a friend whose son was "learning disabled" growing up as a child. When his son was 15 years old, the school told him that he'd be best served chosing a vocational school because he wouldn't be able to handle college. He knew his son wasn't "disabled", and that he was a smart, intelligent boy, and just couldn't figure out why he had such a problem in school. When, instead of throwing in the towel, his parents sought different teaching methods, this kid SOARED in school!!! His way of learning was "different" than the main-stream ways that the schools teach and when it was found out that he could learn if taught "differently", the teachers & school were baffled. This kid went to college, and today he is a veterinarian----arguably the most difficult thing to go to school for!! And, he says that he doesn't want to ever hear anyone say they "can't do it". His theory is "If you want to do it, you find a way to do it. I don't ever want to hear anyone say they "can't". He beat all the odds, and today is an animal surgeon!!!
11:21 AM on 06/10/2012
I am L.D. I just didn't always know it.I always felt stupid growing up. I didn't go to college because of those feelings. As an adult I came to find I have an I.Q. of 128 and that's higher than the average person. We didn't have S.L.D. classes when I was a kid, I just thought I was stupid. I have 5 kids and thank God I was able to let them know that being L.D. didn't mean you are stupid it just means you need a little more help in some areas. Three of my 5 kids were in S.L.D. classes despite they have I.Q.'s that were higher than 115 and the other 2 were in gifted class with I.Q.'s 140 and 145. Most people don't realize having learning disabilities don't mean you are stupid, actually most people with learning disabilities are smarter than those that don't have any problems learning. We just need to find what works for us and use it. I used to read slow, I couldn't remember how to spell words that were simple and forget sounding them out. Things don't sound the way they're spelled to me, but through the years I taught myself tricks to remembering how things were spelled and I do pretty good. I spell checked this and only spelled two words wrong and for me that is wonderful. Know you're not stupid if you have an L.D.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
judi9694
10:59 AM on 06/10/2012
Ya know, my heart goes out to Quinn and so many like him. The fact is, there are many more like him who never get diagnosed and go on to struggle in life and get negative labels and try to compensate but end up in trouble. The truth is we should just talk about learning styles, not disabilities because the more we learn, the more we discover that people have many different types of strengths and weaknesses. Some people have more strengths and fewer and less severe weaknesses. It's a tall order for educators, but the public schools would be better off looking at learning styles than addressing behavior problems. Trying to fit kids like this into traditional learning venues is exactly what shapes and reinforces behavior problems. They want to do right, but their brain has a different plan.
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A-Voice-of-reason
10:59 AM on 06/10/2012
I never realized dyslexia was considered such a big learning disability. My best mate has it and it's just a source of amusement for both of us. Whenever I read his scripts I find some hilariously typed words.

Granted I was born with a clubbed hand, so we both understand disabilities a bit more than the average person, but it's never been a source of anguish, only comedy.
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Ossit
Ossit
10:05 AM on 06/10/2012
My last post aptly demonstrated my 'learning disability'. I think I 'see' all the words I write, it comes out, bam, what I thought I wrote I didn't. No spell checker here. It sure doesn't stop me from writing. People don't understand what I write, they can always ask.
11:43 AM on 06/10/2012
I understood every word you wrote. My hat is off to all of you writing on this post. Gosh, now I am checking each and every word I write. You all are miles ahead of most people that post. We should all learn from you. Best article yet.
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Ossit
Ossit
03:56 PM on 06/10/2012
Thanks so much, snapsnap.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Seiena Cyrus
01:34 PM on 06/10/2012
Among my menagerie of LDs I have this similar problem. If I don't slow down and pay attention to what I'm writing three things can happen. I can omit words all together, add letters, or write a word that just makes no sense to write. It makes wanting to be a writer pretty frustrating. What's even worse is I can say read my posts on the Huffpo like 50 times and never see it, but once I hit submit, leave for a while and come back. If I look I can find at least once where the issue has occurred. It's frustrating but livable. I've had to make myself stop caring so much because there is a limit on how much one can do if the forum doesn't allow corrections ya know.
caugrl
I like my micro-bio being empty.
03:58 PM on 06/10/2012
You described me to a T. I check what I wrote, but as soon as I hit the submit button- what do you know, there is a mistake! LOL
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Ossit
Ossit
04:06 PM on 06/10/2012
Oh I feel for you, Selena. I'm a hobby writer and I need my spell check otherwise, I drop letters, add letters, no periods, I write the wrong character name and I can't see it.

One of the biggest problem I suffer from are mini strokes. There's nothing anyone can do. I have 'em 2-3 times a month. The symptoms vary. Sometimes I can understand what I read sometimes not. I forget words. I see the object, know exactly what it is, but it comes out as totally different. Or sometimes I can't even speak at all. It's tough rewiring myself all the time because as a hobby writer, when the words are crowding in your head like a traffic jam and you can't get them out right with dropped letters, no punctuation, and you go back later and see what you didn't before you want to find the nearest rock to climb under. Only I wouldn't know it's a rock. It's that big hard thing over there. LOL! My spelling has been worse lately as I'm rewiring myself again. Just when I get all 'fixed' bam another hits and it's back to the funny lookin' writing.
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Ossit
Ossit
10:02 AM on 06/10/2012
Oh please! I can't balance a check book. I'm usually a $100 off, so I work with that. Only once have I ever bounced a check. Being directionally challenged? So? I'd get lost out of a paper bag with both ends cut out. Some says to me, go the back way, I go out the front. When I used to drive I've been on the road as long as 7 hours before I got home. I just went to places I knew and always wrote the directions. I don't go there for a long time, I forget where it is. You lose things? Welcome to the club! Ever 'lose' something and you're holding it the whole time? I do it constantly. I'm 53 years old and I can't change worth spit. I could be cheated left and right for all I know. I've tried to learn but numbers just don't work for me. You work around those things. Dyslexia is a 'real' learning disorder. What you claim to have, work around it, not make it your identity. Take it from someone who can get lost walking down my own street if one thing is changed. So it'll take me a couple hours to get on track.
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03:17 PM on 06/10/2012
I know exactly what you are talking about in getting lost. When I got married, moved across own about 6 mo. I was so lost. I get places from visual clues, like right at the gas station, left at the white house. It takes awhile to learn how to get places but eventually I do. My mother came in town to help me get the last things together, you know, just last minute stuff.. My mom wrote down where we needed to go so I wouldn't forget anything again so we started by going to the florist. Finished there and off to the grocery store, then the caterers. We got in the car and sat there - I could figure out how to get there from where we were, I finally I had to tell her "I can't get there from here". It was hilarious. I learned how to get around there by visual landmarks (not streets) and my memory how to get places all started from home. I knew the grocery store was southeast of where we were but that didn't help. I had to drive "home" before we could go anywhere. . Every time we past my house mom would start laughing, it took us almost all day to get all the running around done. Directions are my downfall, especially verbal ones. Draw me a good map with good visual reference points, no problems.
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Ossit
Ossit
05:04 PM on 06/10/2012
I can't tell you, how much I liked your post, gonecrazi. I thought I was the only one who needed landmarks. Take away that gas station, I'd get all confused. That happened once. So someone said to me a long time ago, choose a landmark you know won't disappear. When I used to drive and I'd need to go to the market, I had to write down, back down driveway, turn right, at corner Convenient, turn left. First light, turn right. Light at the bottom of the hill, turn left. Now that I haven't had a car for two years, I'll have to write that down so when I drive I can do it, even though I walk down there. For some reason walking a way and driving feel different. I make lists all the time then forget where I put it.

I find that too. I get somewhere, but I can't remember how to get back. I have to be shown over and over. I have to actually see the way. People can tell me how to get somewhere all they want and it won't make a difference if I've never seen the route even walking. How people can memorize ways instantly is mind boggling.

Streets mean nothing to me either. Landmarks are easier to see for me. Just don't move those landmarks!
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Ossit
Ossit
05:08 PM on 06/10/2012
I remember I was trying to find my way back from somewhere, figures I can't remember, and I literally spent 7 hours on the road. I kept coming to this off thing that had three streets. Well I kept going down the left one, then the right one. For some reason I wouldn't go straight. Well I was getting a panic attack. So I'm driving and driving running out of gas and two trucks came along side of me. I pulled away, they kept coming after me. Well what I didn't realize was until later was that they somehow knew I was lost. I guess people can tell whose behind you, so he got his buddy and I have these two semi trucks literally herding me to-you guessed it-the middle road where I was supposed to go 7 hours before. Led me practically to my house. You talk about feeling like a nut. I don't know what it was about that straight path that I wouldn't take. LOL! Now this was in '04. Had I not been herded home by those truckers, I'd STILL be on the road trying to get home.
09:56 AM on 06/10/2012
I haven't read all the blog yet but thank you Quinn. My teen son has learning issues and hopefully I will be able to help him through life and he will do okay on his own. As a mom I will naturally worry though (even if he didn't have a learning problem). Maybe he is old enough to use this site and find some info to work some things out. LOVE the font. Again, thank you.