What Is it Like Being a Single Girl in Silicon Valley?

This question originally appeared on Quora.

By an anonymous user of Quora

I have been single in Palo Alto for the last 2 years. For me, being single in SV is frustrating. I realize guys think single girls in SV have it made in the shade, but I (and quite a few of my girlfriends) really haven't found it to be so. The main issues that I have noticed are:

• High male: female ratio. Yes, this is a problem. When there are more women around and a guy seems interested in me and asks me out, I can usually assume that he is interested in me for more reasons than simply my gender. For whatever reason, he feels chemistry toward me beyond what he normally feels, and he wants to explore that further. Unfortunately, because of the high percentage of men, I have found that a guy behaving like he is interested is really no indication of if he is genuinely interested. I think in most cases the guy isn't even aware this is happening. He is just casting his net and if an attractive girl shows up in it, he is going to go for it, at least in the short term. The dating scene is just so under supplied with women that for a lot of guys, a girl showing interest in him is enough for him to be interested. In the long term however, after a few weeks/months it turns out that the guy really isn't all that interested. No one wants to be a consolation prize, but with so few women in SV, even if a guy acts like he is interested, how do you know you are his top choice? How do you know when there is sincere chemistry on his side? Another consequence of this is that it seems like the really quality guys just don't even bother asking girls out because they don't want to be lumped in with the guys that will ask anything with a skirt out. There is definitely a certain type of guy in SV that just goes around asking girls out right and left, I wouldn't want to be associated with that guy either...So you get a lot of these 'semi-desperate' (sorry) guys hitting on you, but the quality guys are sitting back and not making any moves.
• Little casual dating. Because of the lack of women, or because the guys here are really busy, there really isn't much of a casual dating scene. You get asked to 'grab coffee or a drink' but that isn't really dating. As another answerer pointed out it is often unclear in those situations if it is even a date or not. Actual dating just isn't very common in SV. Everyone is so busy working and stressing that there just isn't much importance put on dating for fun. Whatever the reason, when a date actually does occur (again this is rare, in favor of very informal coffee meet ups etc.) it feels less casual than in other places. Probably because it just isn't very common to go on a 'real' date here.

Note: I'm fairly shy. For an extroverted girl who really likes a lot of male attention and dating, the first point doesn't really hold. I actually do know a few women who love dating in SV and feel like they hit the jackpot. For a girl who is more shy though and doesn't like getting flooded by a bunch of guys who wouldn't look at her twice if there were 20 other women in the room, this can be overwhelming and unpleasant. I would much rather have one (or zero!) guys hit on me that seriously feel real chemistry, than 20 who are just excited to be talking to a girl.

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