Standing Up to Miss California

The National Organization for Marriage is acting like if Miss California cannot be Miss USA, then she will be the new Queen Esther. But Carrie Prejean is neither one.

We know Miss USA types but, as a rabbi, to show how wrong this allusion is, I must tell you about Queen Esther. She is a brave biblical figure from thousands of years ago. Orphaned and raised by her uncle, she rose against all odds, to be the king of Persia's favored wife in a time when Persians despised Jews.

At risk of her own life she came out to the king to expose a plot against all Jews. Even her uncle asked her to risk her own life because she was born and raised to the status of queen "for such a time as this." Because of her bravery, she and all her people were spared from becoming the victims of a grab for power.

So in today's real life story, who is Queen Esther? Who are the victims?

Carrie Prejean and the National Organization for Marriage feel they are the victims because of the outcry when Carrie came out and said, "In my country and in my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman - no offense to anyone out there..."

But offence IS taken when these beliefs are the backbone of anti-gay legislation. Offense IS taken when victimization of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people is ongoing.

* It is gay and lesbian couples and families who do not have equal protection under the law to marry the person they love who are the victims.
* It is transgender people who are targeted for brutal beatings and murders such as Angie Zapata in Colorado who are the victims.
* It is every child in our public school who is bullied to the point of suicide with taunts of "you're so gay" who are the victims.
* It is the foster children who are denied a permanent home because gay couples are barred from adopting in state after state who are the victims.
* It is the parents and family of gay people who watch their loved ones suffer persecution and discrimination on the job who are the victims.

In America we have a separation of church and state. Churches and synagogues do not control civil marriage. Conservative people of faith remain free to practice their religion--and even their prejudices. They are not forced to marry anyone in their congregation.

Our founding fathers were wise when they made sure that no religion was the official religion of the United States. They separated religion from civil law. Carrie and National Organization for Marriage want to be viewed as the victims but they are among those who plot against marginalized people who have been forced to live in fear and silence.

Carrie and National Organization for Marriage claim that they are the victims and that Carrie lost the pageant for her beliefs. But one judge, Alicia Jacobs, spoke out afterwards and blogged:

Could Miss California have answered her question in a more sensitive manner? Yes, I believe she could have and she probably should have. Interestingly, her sister is a gay rights activist in the military...go figure? I do not fault her for her beliefs...I fault her for her complete lack of social grace.

Esther spoke up for the underdog and her family. Esther spoke up for justice at the risk of her own life. So if we are to look to Queen Esther, we must all speak out to expose the mass of misinformation about marriage and gay families. There is no threat to straight marriage--only equal opportunity for every person to marry the one they love.

Is Miss Carrie Queen Esther?

I think not.

Are we all called to be like Queen Esther and speak out for fairness and truth "in such a time as this"?

I think so.

Rabbi Denise L. Eger is the founding Rabbi of Congregation Kol Ami in West Hollywood, CA. She is a founding steering committee member of California Faith for Equality and the President of the Pacific Association of Reform Rabbis.

Comments

[Michael-n-Tom]

What an eloquent article! I wish this message of rational thought could reach as many people as Carrie Prejean's message of discrimination and intolerance did. I agree that we are all called out to speak for truth and fairness. How do we do this without preaching to the choir?

CIVIL MARRIAGE IS A CIVIL RIGHT...and it is coming soon to your state.

[BornGay]

Thank you Rabbi.....from *all* of us!

[TRUE BLUE AMERICAN]

Since Denise Edger carries the title of Rabbi, maybe she could enlighten us all on what the Holy scriptures of Judaism has to say on this subject. Or anyone out there for that matter.

[midknightryder13]

You are missing the point. Since we are talking about LEGAL/CIVIL Marriage, any argument against Marriage Equality that is couched ONLY in Biblical terms is irrelevant
Since churches, synagogues, mosques or any other house of worship ALREADY can choose to marry or NOT to marry any couple RIGHT NOW for whatever reason (or no reason at all) they choose, any marriages they perform would not be affected, unless they decided to perform marriages for same-gender couples. But there is no way under the Constitution they could be FORCED to do so.
In other words, they wouldn't have to do ANYTHING differently if (when) Marriage Equality becomes the law of the land.

And that's their problem -- when the debate is framed that way, they have no response.

[Giglawyer]

Actually, they do have a very good response. Nearly every organized religion (not all) prohibits gay marriage. All organized religions receive a free pass on income and other taxes from the government. One of the concerns of these religions (although not the primary one) is that a law will be passed that somehow allows for claims of discrimination against the churches that do not marry LGBT couples, and that any such finding could ipact this tax free status.

Personally, I support legalizing gay maarriage. But I think it has to be packaged with legal protections for churches and other religious based institutions to be able to deny the right to marry in their house of worship.

[Vance1]

marriage in California as the union between "one man and one woman" "There were big mistakes that led to this gay union flop," says Leftgoff, the veteran consultant. "They lacked the media messaging essential to any campaign."
It didn't help that Barack Obama refused to support gay marriage, and voiced his opposition to Prop 8 as a narrow constitutional matter. Indeed, Obama was so weak on the issue that Schubert highlighted the candidate's opposition to gay marriage in a mailer targeting African-Americans, "Support for gay marriage has moved so far to the right that it just isnt going to happen now for a long time.

[creepsinc]

I really can't believe the people I defend around here in the name of intellectual honesty. Did anybody hear her full quote? She said she believes that everybody has a right to be married, but personally, she believes marriage is between a man and a woman. To me, it doesn't sound like she's into taking anybody's rights away.

I personally believe everybody has a right to free speech but I don't believe in conservative talk radio. Apples to apples.

[creepsinc]

Ok, I should have read the rabbi's post first. I get her point, that ANYBODY speaking out against gay marriage is bad. I agree. However, she still made it clear that she's not in favor of making/keeping it illegal. Shades of grey, people. Shades of grey.

[LitDr2B]

If you're talking about Prejean, that is not exactly what she said. This is what she said before the bit that Rabbi Eger quotes above:

"Well, I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage."

That's a far cry from saying "she believes everybody has a right to be married." What Prejean says here indicates a fundamental lack of knowledge on the issue. We do -not- "live in a land where you can choose." There are only a very small handful of states (3?) that currently allow same-sex marriages.

[LeftRight]

There are four states, which comprise a total population of 3.7% of the US population...

[Ergon]

The fictionalised account of Purim only serves to create existential fears amongst Jewish people about impending holocausts and you want to apply it to gay people? Please.
Yahweh is just as intolerant of gays as any other god.

[subgeniuszero]

The other day I went to McDonald's to eat a breakfast burrito. A strange guy with an overbright smile and just a little too much light in his eyes walked up to me in the parking lot and exclaimed, "Beautiful day that the Lord hath made, isn't it?" Not wanting to argue with him -- though I could have and easily won -- I smiled politely and said, "Yeah it's nice out today." He persisted after I got in the restaurant. "Isn't it a *glorious* day that our Lord's made today, friend?" By now I was irritated. I repeated, a little less friendly, "Yes, it is." I didn't make eye contact. Later, as I went to go get my drink from the fountain, he came up beside me. And this time I heard, "Yes our Lord, he's sure a glorious Lord. He rained down fire on Sodom and Gomorra. I was about ready to slug the guy. I ignored him.

And then it occurred to me: This is a guy who would have probably kept that dumb vacant grin on his face and, if my brother -- who is gay -- had been there, he would've made my brother cry with that little "Sodom and Gomorra" bit.

I thought about running over him. I didn't, but not because I didn't want to, but because rather, he wasn't worth it, just like the rest of his clones who walk around, hurting people with their primitive fairy tales ... and don't know

[TRUE BLUE AMERICAN]

Subgenius- I love stories made up to put Christians in a bad light, did he happen to have a straight-jacket on by chance?

[MizLiz]

You think it was made up? I've seen stranger things in real life. You just don't like it...well, too bad.

[creepsinc]

Yeah, stuff like that NEVER happens. Give me a break. Are you blue because not enough oxygen is getting to your brain?

[pfrogger]

well said true blue.
I also see this anti-Christianity stuff around.

How are the regular Christians to blame if the leaders spew fear and hate. when Warren compares homosexuals to pedophiles, incest, and bestiality. isn't that Warren's fault. so what if most of his followers agree or, in apathy, they say nothing.

how can the regular Christians be blamed if the notorious leaders say cruel and evil?
aren't we supposed to stand by in apathy and thus condone it?

[flifishun]

um, you've just elevated the opinion of a beauty pageant runner-up one more notch.

*golf clap*

[creepsinc]

Yeah, that's my main problem with this whole brouhaha. Let's give more importance to this ditz. To "Perez Hilton" too, as if he's some kind of gay rights icon now. As far as I'm concerned, as a beauty pageant contestant and judge, they're both beneath contempt.

[OkieMon]

if obama and the democratic party don't support gay marriage then why get all upset when some bubble-head kid is against it?

[Pupadup4oBama]

Let the bubbleheaded kid be against it....but she has NO right whatsoever to play the victim....and unlike YOUR party, the democratic party does not just fall behind and follow.

[TheBender]

i continually ask a simple question of you Lefties - Where is the tolerance so prevalent in your arguments on social issues?

To date no cogent (def. - rationally persuasive) answer, just hate speech.

[Dynamohum]

If you don't get it, you don't get it. You will be left behind. Progress is coming to America with or without the religious wingnuts or the President. Human rights and equality in this country is everyone's right.

[PhilipB]

Dear Rabbi Eger,
What a thoughtful and powerful essay.
i had to read this a few times. I will share this with my family and friends.
Thank you for writing this.
Sincerely,
Philip

[Rockerbabe]

This article is just a dismissive as any I have read regarding anyone who has the audcity to disagree with the GLBT agenda.

I wonder if you would be so supportive of single people in general when it comes to having our rights being respected or for that matter, being given the same privledges as marrieds? Hypocrite!

[mydwyf]

Single mothers in particular ! They have the toughest time, obviously they're too busy trying to raise their kids to spend time whining about how unfair it all is and campaigning for their rights . . .

[Pupadup4oBama]

You are absolutely entitled to disagree with what you so-call the GLBT agenda....although, I don't think they have any more of an agenda than you do in wanting their rights as tax-paying citizens.

[Nina28]

As a straight sibling of a respectable, conservative brother who is in a monogamous relationship with his soul mate, I firmly am in support of Government staying out of their lives and bedrooms as the do me and my husband.

What two consenting respectable couples do in the privacy of their homes should not be infringed upon by religious or the perverted "Fantasies" of others.

Gays having the right to marry will NOT prevent straight people from marrying, or Divorcing for that matter, nor will it prevent folks from practicing their peaceful religions, nor will it make them GAY.

[zenlikejen]

I'd LOVE to know what rights straight, single people are being denied.

As straight people - if you want the same rights as married people - you can, oh, I don't know...GET MARRIED to the person you love? That not good enough? Then you can still marry some stranger you met over the weekend in Vegas!

What you seem to be missing is that NO ONE SAID SHE COULDN'T VOICE HER OPINION - but why is it you expect everyone within earshot to NOT SAY ANYTHING IN RESPONSE? Are you unclear as to how free speech works? No one's calling for her to be burned at the stake for her views - but part of her being all "brave for speaking her mind" means she can handle the criticism she'll undoubtedly get in return. If she still can't handle the backlash that comes with practicing her freedom of speech, then perhaps then she'll think twice before making her opinions heard in front of a TELEVISION CAMERA....did she think no one was watching or did she just assume that like everything else that comes from the mouth of a semi-clothed blond with a fake rack the public would just "eat it up" and not question her?

[Trinity B82]

Thank you! There is no law that says single people can not get married, as long as they are man and women.. Also there is no law saying single mothers can't get married.. I am a single mom, and I don't feel my rights have been violated. When I want to get married I will be allowed to.. Until then I can't kick my feet in the dirt because I can't have the extra rights that come with marriage... common sense?

[midknightryder13]

Kindly elucidate -- what rights or privileges are you being denied because you are single? The last time I checked "marital status' was protected by law in the same way race, creed, color, religion et cetera are.

[Morcat]

Beautifully said. Even a fairly superficial review of marriage equality issues shows that in fact, legalizing same sex marriage supports freedom of religion. So long as government prevents same sex couples who wish to have a religious ceremony from marrying, it infringes on their religious rights.

[Trinity B82]

As a child of a gay man, I thank you for putting the spot light on the real victims here. Yes! I think some people should take their heads out of the clouds, or butts on this one. The victims are not the righteous morons who believe we are ruining the sanctity of marriage by allowing same sex marriage. And even tho we are the victims here, I don't see to many gay people tying up the ones who hate them and leaving them for dead.. It is a sad sad world where not only can we still be bullied by a misguided religous view, but we can not proclaim love in a way all PEOPLE should be able to do. We all have the right to love don't we?? Then why are there still people who pass judgement on the victims when according to their own believes, "God " is the only one with that power.

[Pema]

Trinity....please never define yourself as a victim. alot of baggage and potential goes along with that word.
Stand up for your family, what you feel is right as a strong person from a position of power. You know your right and let that show thru, it helps carry your point.
Best of luck, I live in CA a strong supporter of gay rights, I have gay friends with children so I understand somehwat the pressures you face. You were given a life where someone can come from a place of knoweldge to help turn around human injustice. My best wishes to you on that.

[Trinity B82]

Oh I should have worded that differently.. I don't feel MYSELF as a victim.. and I don't lable MYSELF as a victim.. I just feel that the people in my position and anyone who has a personal bond with the gay community have more of a right to consider themselves the ones taken advantage of here.. If I wanted to play the victim card this would hardly be the top of the list for me..

Another thing I wanted to mention.. It seems that a lot more of the comments are pointing out that "Marriage" is a union between a man and a woman only. okay then, lets change the name and give them the equal amount of rights "Marriage" has for men and women to gay couples and so forth.. "Unification" New definition "The union of any two PEOPLE of legal age." That way we can stop this nonsense, give the rest of the non heterosexual world a chance to be happy as well as share the same rights.. oh and I put people in all caps so that there is not question here on when we are going to drag in the farm animals.. I have heard it before and that is not the next step after accepting gays... come on people!... get a clue!

[ColumbusMike]

I have always firmly believed that since religious leaders were responsible for our persecution, only religous leaders can end it. Thank you for speaking up--I wish there were more of you.

[Pema]

Many Rabbis seem to be active in social justice imo, I am a memeber of Jews for Peace, there are wonderful articals from Rabbis there. This goes to being strong, I am half Syrian and I support my Jewish brothers and sisters in peace so much I had to join their wonderful organization. You might enjoy looking into that group to see further wisdom from the Rabbis.

[mommadona]

Well said.

From where I stand, I look down on her and NOM.

Change is inevitable.
Growth is optional.