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The Roasting of Weiner and the Public Good

Posted: 06/17/11 12:06 PM ET

Okay, so Anthony Weiner has resigned. Now everyone can go home happy and make believe all is well in our Republic. We got the lying tweeter.

Democratic leadership can stop worrying that Republicans will use Weiner's inappropriate tweeting against them in a "values" attack in the next election. Their transparently political witch-hunt, pursued for them with such uncharacteristic unity of message and purpose, has succeeded. Though Democrats have, in the past, defended far worse boundary crossing behavior and lying by their leadership, all the way up to a former President, this tweeting transgression apparently just pricked them too deeply. Anyway, we have been told that the leadership of the party never really liked Weiner anyway -- something about his always preening for attention and wanting to be the largest presence -- and there is something poetic about tar and feathering a tweeter.

Republican leadership can also feel quite satisfied with having deflated Weiner knowing that their hypocritical self-righteous attacks helped push Weiner to fall on his sword. Given how many Republicans have perpetrated and lied about physically real sexual transgressions rather than virtual sexual transgressions -- transgressions that run the gamut from playing with congressional pages, to paying prostitutes, to soliciting in bathroom stalls -- it must be of tremendous psychological release to project anger, guilt, and judgment on Weiner.

Most of the mainstream media can also feel pretty good having pursued this important story to the bottom of every last tweet. No doubt by giving head lines to Weiner for two weeks the nightly ratings on FOX, MSNBC, CNN and our so called major networks were up far more than they would have been had they lead with news about our five wars, the fourteen million plus Americans who are unemployed, the millions of our fellow citizens who have lost or are about to lose their homes, or the general unraveling of the social contract between the wealthy class and the rest of America. But there is nothing like being able to offer salaciousness, in the guise of serious news, to arouse the viewing public. Weiner's tweets became our treats.

And of course We the People -- 92% of whom, according to last week's Pew study, believe in God -- endowed by our Creator with an inalienable right to pursue happiness -- have enjoyed one more Fall from Grace story. It almost doesn't matter what the cause is as watching someone above us fall is thrilling and these days does not even need to be a secret thrill. This trope is almost banal: we hate what we idealize -- be it power, fame, wealth -- because what we idealize we know deep down is not worth wanting and so we feel embarrassed and even dirty for wanting it so. How much easier it is to sacrifice Weiner on the public altar than for us to reflect on our own desires we feel are shameful. The pleasure of scapegoating Weiner is simply far easier than exposing our desires to examination or deliberating about the state of our own culture.

Tweeting sexually suggestive texts, including highly inappropriate images, to seven women was stupid, tasteless, and crude as well as narcissistic and sexually immature. But Weiner is a teeny issue that we have blown up to avoid confronting something deeply wrong in contemporary America. We pounced on Weiner for lying about his tweets, which he did out of a justified sense of embarrassment, all the while that we lie about the sexual eccentricities/pathologies of our own culture, which surely embarrass us. Weiner is the tip of the iceberg of our sexual issues. Estimates are that the porn industry in this country is a fourteen billion dollar industry that reaches into our finest corporations. Comcast, the nation's largest cable company pulls in more than 50 million dollars from adult programming. You will not read in it their annual reports but all the nation's top cable operators, from Time Warner to Cablevision, distribute sexually explicit material to their subscribers. Same with satellite providers like EchoStar and DirecTV which may make as much as five hundred million dollars off of the adult entertainment business. Then there are our big hotel chains: Hilton, Marriot, Hyatt, Sheraton and Holiday Inn, which all offer adult films on in-room pay-per-view television systems. And they are purchased by a whopping 50 percent of their guests, accounting for nearly 70 percent of their in-room profits.

But wait there is more. According to a CBS News 60 Minutes report 89% of porn is created in the U.S. $2.84 billion in revenue was generated from U.S. Internet porn sites in 2006. $89/second is spent on porn. 72% of porn viewers are men and 260 new porn sites go online daily. And all this is in addition to what we know about the hyper-sexualizing of advertising and just about everything in the popular culture, to the increase in date-rape, to the myriad of illicit relationships that have become a normal part of the American sexual landscape.

Personally, I am not at all interested in taking away anyone's freedom and I am on the sex is good side of religion but it is not Victorian to conclude that we have a bit of a problem with desire, sex, and the erotic. Clearly, there is something out of sync between our moral outrage at Weiner's adolescent behavior and what appear to be the normative sexual habits of our country. Yes, I know we have higher expectations of our leaders and so because Weiner could no longer be a role model, and because he no longer had the confidence of his esteemed colleagues -- though the majority of his constituents did not want him to resign -- Weiner had to go. Personally, I have no skin in this game as Weiner was not my representative and long ago I stopped thinking politicians were role models but now that the roasting of Weiner is over what exactly have we gained besides the nasty pleasure that comes from watching another person humiliated.

Without in any way justifying Weiner's behavior but given we took such extraordinary interest in this tale that really bears no significance on our life are we any better either as individuals or a country? Have we had any conversations -- even if just in the privacy of our own conscience -- about where we may have crossed sexual lines which if revealed would embarrass us? Have we reflected about the relationship between public virtue and private vice in a world in which increasingly the public and private are blurred? Have we asked why Weiner's tweeting got more public attention than the five teenage suicides this year connected to sexting combined? Have we thought about what would have happened if we had a political culture in which owning up to our misdeeds did not automatically mean we would be destroyed?

What if our political leadership had chosen to not use the Weiner mess as a club to beat each other up and score points but instead had risen to the occasion and said to the country: "We are saddened and embarrassed for our colleague as his behavior is not what we expect from a member of the House. We expect him to address the emotional issues that have driven him to behave so inappropriately and in fact we are strongly suggesting he take a leave of absence in order to do so. But there is a difference between being terribly crude and inappropriate and being a criminal. We also know that, though we wish it were not the case, there is often a gap between our private face and public face and while we should always be working on narrowing the gap, especially if one is a leader, there is a difference between public morality and private morality with regard to consequences for transgressions. As political leaders who care about building a good society we are well aware our culture has a complicated relationship to sex and with powerful new technologies there has been an explosion of sexual expression. We believe Rep. Weiner needs to get this area of his life in order and that ultimately his constituency will determine whether he is fit for office at the next election less than eighteen months away. We think that our banishing Weiner for admittedly very poor behavior would be unfair given the history of our Body in this area and more importantly, would ultimately be a deflection from our collective need to take a serious look at the culture around sex that we collectively are responsible for creating. We urge the citizens of this country, in all of our diversity as individuals, families, groups, and communities, to use this moment to reflect about how, in this age of unprecedented freedom, transparency, and technological capacity we want to handle one of the most powerful desires of all.

Well, maybe next time.

 

Follow Rabbi Irwin Kula on Twitter: www.twitter.com/irwinkula

 
 
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taoistpunk
because the monks wouldn't have me..
08:23 AM on 06/21/2011
Yes, our puritanical society is crazy, and isn’t likely to get better without more openness when it comes to our “naughty bits.” True, it’s your schmeckel and you should be able to do what you want with it. Agreed, within the privacy of our own homes there is nothing taboo about any type of consensual sex. However...

When asked if any of the women he sexted were minors, Weiner replied: Not to my knowledge.
His acts were not criminal, but that was evidently more a question of circumstance than good judgment.

He is a media savvy individual in a post Monica Lewinsky world. He knew what was likely to happen if he went down that path, but did it anyway.

This is a lapse in judgment that you don’t want to see in a leader.

Your point that it shouldn’t be is well taken, but for Weiner, it would have been well to have taken the point that, it is.
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Rhancheck
07:28 AM on 06/20/2011
its kinda simple... don't take pics of your junk and sext them.. we spend so much time trying to teach the kids not to do it. This is his own fault.. if he would have never decided to show it off, he would still have a job, it's not complicated at all, personal responcibility is like that, he can only blame himself...but i guess everyone else can point fingers in every direction?
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Gottlieb
hated by left since 1973 and right since 1982
02:49 AM on 06/20/2011
Just another example of the "Bread and Circus" media used to distract the masses from the real problems facing America. Weiner had to go for being too progressive and outspoken on the issues so this was the excuse used to hound him out of Washington.
01:24 AM on 06/20/2011
This was a great article. How people conduct their sex lives does not concern me in the least. What does concern me is: for a person in the public spotlight to knowingly putting damaging photos of himself out in the public (and the internet is most definitely a public space), what sort of decisions would he make? Those actions were clearly not thought out. I would not want someone representing me who does not think about what they do.
10:07 PM on 06/19/2011
What a refreshing, wise perspective on this issue. Thank you, Rabbi Kula.
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haljil
08:22 PM on 06/19/2011
Rabbi Kula you couldn't have put it better! As a woman, I find Rep. Weiner's tasteless indiscretions reprehensible but it remains exactly that and no more..... I am shocked and appalled at the hypocrisy of those who have allowed a David Vitter to remain in Congress for behaviour that has been obviously criminal and yet Weiner's obnoxious narcissism - nowhere near criminal - is punished.....Really disgraceful.

More than this are the high crimes that many in the previous administration should have been held accountable for, and have gotten away with! For those in Congress who have abrogated their moral consciences and public responsibilities in allowing so much in the recent past to be covered up, it's both disgusting and criminal that they've hounded a capable if very short sighted politician out of office - simply because he titillated their prurient imaginations!!!
Jamchinadian
The naked truth is better than a well dressed lie
05:45 PM on 06/19/2011
Think of Vitter, Sanford, Ensign and Larry Craig - Republicans all - who actually engaged in real sex and not imagined sex, and who, like Ensign, engaged in not just lying but also actual cash to corverup his misdeeds. What's the difference? Republicans stood by them, the media did not get into a feeding frenzy, and the Democrats did not hold them accountable.

Weiner, on the other hand, was savaged by the Republicans and the media, and sacrificed by his own party. The Democrats and the media are enablers of Republican hypocrisy!
Dayne
People are people
04:19 PM on 06/19/2011
I've been utterly amazed during this whole episode with Rep. Weiner that so many people are making this about the cowardice of the Dems or the hypocrisy of the Reps. I hear people throwing out the whole privacy, it wasn't sex, Vitter is in office, yada, yada, yada. I just can't believe more people don't have an issue witht he fact that he showed an incredible lack of judgement and an almost pathological need to lie. Who cares what he does on his free time. Who cares if Pelosi threw him under the bus. Who cares if Vitter is still in office. What everyone should care about is that another GOVT official has publicly lied and shown a definite lack of judgement skills. People need to get off the right/left thing and start worrying about what lies or being told and why to the American people. Whatever the party politics, this is a fundamental issue of confidence in our elected officials.

Dayne
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RaymondLuxuryYacht
My hovercraft is full of eels.
09:05 PM on 06/19/2011
I would agree with you if he had lied about something that we deserved to know about or that had any impact on the public. He didn't. We are not entitled to know the intimate details of the sex lives of our public servants. It's none of our business.
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OliverTwist
Contrarian advocate for truth and justice
08:20 AM on 06/19/2011
The mob is gratified that the warlock or sacrifice has been burned or stoned.
03:51 AM on 06/19/2011
Rumor has it that Anthony Weiner will be running for President with Eric Holder as his VP. Campaign signs had already been placed in rural areas when volunteers were told to remove them because of increasing complaints filed by embarrased residents. One local was quoted saying the following, "How would you like to have signs all over your neighborhood that say Weiner Holder on them?"
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DTOM1776
Veritas Liberabit Vos
10:17 AM on 06/19/2011
Greetings BobJohnsonIII

That's awesome :)
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
12:30 AM on 06/19/2011
I have been so deeply dismayed to see it all; the shameless media circus, and the shameful Dem abandonment of a truly good man and the waste of a very good politician, all because of our society's feckless sexual hypocrisy.
We need to grow up, damnit.
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Rabbi Irwin Kula
08:57 AM on 06/19/2011
You captured what I felt writing this post in those two words time for us to "grow up". Sexual desire because it is so powerful turns out to be potentially both intensely intimate and affirming and just as intensely exploitative and objectifying all along a continuum at different moments in our lives. There is no getting it 100% right because there is no 100% right. If we are honest, and yes grown up, then knowing that powerful desires do get the best of us at times we have to do the best we can to repair the hurt and learn a bit about ourselves. Not surprisingly our powerful desires create all sorts of emotions including shame and with shame we have to be alert for when we don't deal with our shame we wind up either punishing ourselves in self-judgment or destroying those around us as a way of avoiding self-judgment. Generally we either make believe there is nothing we should ever be ashamed of or make believe we always know exactly where the lines are. So yes, let's grow up. When we are hiding things we are doing because we are embarrassed it probably is an invitation to be on the look out who we may be hurting out there. And when we go after someone we don't even know in foaming at the mouth judgment/enjoyment it is probably an invitation to look inside at what we are avoiding. Thanks. IK
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
11:44 AM on 06/19/2011
Your attention honors me, sir. I fear for a society that punishes a man for his sexual fantasies (not even actual sexual behavior) while turning a blind eye to the murderous behavior of lying us into war with the resultant death of thousands of our own finest.
That kind of gullible myopia is perfectly illustrated by the comment of DTOM1776 below.

Those who are educated enuf to make note of the falls of past civilizations hypothesize about the reasons. We would do well to understand that in the future, our civilization will also be gone, and what will be the causes of our demise? I suggest that one of them will be this very kind of social/political obtuseness.

I salute you.
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DTOM1776
Veritas Liberabit Vos
10:20 AM on 06/19/2011
Greetings Soulmentor

Yeah. Tsk Tsk Tsk

Dat bad ol society. Very bad society. Expecting some fidelity in marriage. Expecting some integrity. Expecting some honesty. How dare they.
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Soulmentor
"To thine own self be true...."
11:45 AM on 06/19/2011
I take your point and would have no problem with it....IF....the double standard of the "family values" Republicans wasn't so obvious. Where is that public sense of "fidelity", "honesty", and "integrity" when it comes to the Republicans (and religious leaders) of whom there are many more than Democrats behaving much more inappropriately, even illegally.
Until all that societal/political "integrity" becomes an equal opportunity moral sheriff, then I do indeed suggest, "How dare they"?!
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Dave Thinkster Paulson
A concerned American moderate
08:40 PM on 06/18/2011
There's only one thing you can count on in politics more than Republican hypocrisy -- that's Democratic cowardice. There's really no excuse for the way Democrats plunged their knives into Weiner's unguarded back. I wouldn't ask that they back him to the ridiculous end, as Republicans have so many, like Vitter, but I did expect that they would bite their tongues until due process was finished. Today, I am ashamed to be a Democrat, and it has nothing to do with what Anthony Weiner has done, but rather with the complete lack of courage and integrity demonstrated by the majority of the Party.
08:34 PM on 06/18/2011
I don't have much issue with the Rabbi's well thought our article but I think it's simply the result of the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s along with new technologies that enable people in countless ways. What it reveals is that human sexuality is far more free and diverse than we're led to believe. The ideal behavior that's expected by society is almost a myth as Kinsey revealed many years ago. It's all out in the open with the magic of the internet, there's no need to be embarrassed by other people's pursuits. Hopefully this Weiner incident will make people think twice about consequences. There is a positive side to sexual freedom, I think we're much better off today than in the 1950s and the soul stifling oppression of that era.
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07:29 AM on 06/19/2011
The Woodstock Defense?
09:43 AM on 06/19/2011
I have nothing to defend.
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sangazure1
Flaming bleeding-heart knee-jerk Liberal
06:08 PM on 06/18/2011
It's the hypocrisy that bothers me. The Repubs who suddenly are holier-than-thou, in spite of Vitter, Sanford and Ensign, and the Dems who threw Weiner under the bus for political expediency.
04:47 PM on 06/18/2011
Rabbi, how would Moses have handled this ? I feel sorry for anyone who finds it necessary to expose themselves be it by tweeting or flashing themselves from behind a coat for attention. I do not pretend to understand why sex has become the number one best seller in this country. As I understand it , sex is supposed to bring one pleasure . From my chair I am observing a lot of pain and unhappiness as a consequence of sexual behavior from almost every aspect of society. I don't think much has changed in regard to sexual behavior for as long as history has written about it, nor is it going to change anytime soon. Everyone must own the consequences of the decisions they make, no matter what they do.