Are you looking to put on a little extra pudge to keep warm, or maybe your boyfriend wants to see "more" of you? How can you put on that extra layer of adipose tissue you have always wanted to fill out your jeans? Follow these recommendations and you'll be on your way.
1. Do aerobic exercise everyday: The more aerobics you do, the more efficient your body will be at storing fat, especially if you are looking to gain some size on your thighs!
If this is what you want: Go to the gym every single day and find a treadmill or stair master where you can watch TV while you're working out, because you need to be there for a while. Do at least an hour per day, seven days per week at a very steady state (you should be able to carry on a conversation easily during the entire workout).
2. Follow a low fat, low calorie diet, and don't drink any water: The less you eat, the slower your metabolism will go which is optimal for storing body fat.
If this is what you want: Keep your calories very low and deprive your body. Keep your calories in the 1000-1200 range -- which is starving -- and do not eat more than 15-20 grams of fat per day. You want your body to think it is starving so it will hold on to body fat at all costs. Also, don't drink any water -- try juice instead since it will work wonders for expanding your waistline.
Why this works to store body fat: Every time you eat, your metabolism goes up, which is not good when you are trying to store fat. Eating enough food will fuel fat burning, which is the opposite of what you want. You want your body to be in fat-storing mode, which is best accomplished by depriving it. Also, counting your fat grams and keeping your dietary fat levels low will teach your body to hold on to fat, another excellent method for putting on that extra adipose tissue! And drinking water will only cause you to drop any excess water you are holding, therefore keep the water consumption low to keep you fat and bloated!
3. Avoid weight training at all costs! Increasing your lean body mass is the best way to increase your metabolism to burn fat. So stay away from any weight training!
If this is what you want: Do not touch the weights in the gym -- or if you do, only lift ones that are small enough not to build any muscle (you know the ones: the little pink dumbbells in the ladies only room.)
Why this works to store fat: The goal is to keep your metabolism as low as possible to turn your body into a fat storing machine. Any muscle mass would be bad news when you are trying to gain fat because it would increase your metabolism and cause you to burn more calories -- and therefore fat! Also, weight training will raise your metabolism for the next 24-48 hours, which will never work to get that body fat up!
4. Eat one or two meals per day Eating meals less frequently is a great way to keep your metabolism in the gutter, starving your muscle tissue all day long, and will be ideal for storing fat.
If this is what you want: The less often you eat, the better. If you can distract your self all day and skip a couple meals you'll set yourself up perfectly to store fat. And never eat breakfast to assure that you start your day off in a fat-storing mode. For best results, do not eat anything until dinner and then just eat the one meal before you fast again over night.
Why this works to store fat: Again, every time you eat your metabolism increases. If you skip a meal, your metabolism will drop and if you skip more then one meal you can get that metabolism running very slow which will be perfect for storing body fat. You'll also have less energy, which means you'll move less.
5. Perform the exact same workout over and over without ever increasing the intensity. Doing the same workout each time will confirm that you have not become any stronger or more fit, but instead have stayed exactly the same -- or become worse.
If this is what you want: Go to the gym everyday and do the exact same thing. Get on the same cardio machine, in front of the same television and walk the same speed everyday.
Why this works to store fat: This will ensure that you do not gain any lean body mass and that your workout will not limit your fat-storing capabilities. You don't ever want to push yourself harder than you're used to.
Follow these guidelines to an all new plumper you!
A little tongue-in-cheek? What do you think?
If your goal is not to increase your body fat, make sure you aren't making the mistake of following any of the above guidelines. You would actually want to do the exact opposite of each of the above rules to see a leaner physique in the mirror. Many times I see people doing the exact opposite of what they need to do when they are trying to lose excess fat.
For a leaner, sexier you:
1. Do interval training instead of steady state aerobics to increase your metabolism and get your body revving to burn fat all day long.
2. Fuel your body with high quality protein, carbohydrates and good fats. Your calories should not drop below 1400-1500, and don't be afraid of fats in your diet. Consuming good fats (especially ones with omega-3s) can actually increase fat oxidation. Eating enough will keep your metabolism up and revving to burn fat all day long.
3. Lift weights and don't be afraid to push yourself beyond what you are used to -- that is how you get your body to change for the better. Every ounce of muscle you put on will increase your metabolism and keep your body revving to burn fat all day long.
4. Eat five or six meals per day. Every time you eat your metabolism goes up, so eat something every couple of hours to keep your body revving to burn fat all day long.
5. Change your workout every four to six weeks. Your body will adapt, and you will need a change to create a new stimulus to continue building muscle and burning fat.
May you reach all your goals and get the body of your dreams! Stay focused!