10/06/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Republican Pornography

The last time I felt this objectified, there were wolf whistles and halter tops involved. Leave it to the Republican party -- after spending the last eight years taking my money to fund a war I don't agree with, murdering and torturing people in the name of my homeland's "security," and spoon-feeding me lies with my cereal every morning by way of the late Tony Snow -- to now strip from me the last remaining bastion of my pride as an American: the pride of womanhood.

Granted, Bill Clinton popped the proverbial cherry in making women seem weak and sheeplike in the face of power. You want to talk about 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling? There's not a ceiling high or strong enough to convince me that Hillary Clinton doesn't play into the stereotype by Standing By Her Man. She ought to take a baseball bat to that mantra and go it alone -- maybe I would have even been one of those 18 million voters. What would have been so wrong with being Senator Rodham?

But no way, no how, no McCain could even compare to the surreal experience of watching Sarah Palin take the stage and announce on Wednesday night, grinning widely, that she will "accept the call to help our nominee for president to serve and defend America." I half expected her chest to turn into two rifles, like that scene in Austin Powers when the fembot goes into meltdown mode.

Defend America? How about yourself, Sarah? How about giving McCain a swift kick in the pants and saying "By the way, I don't work for people who call women 'trollops' and 'cunts.' I don't intend to shrink wrap my sagging skin around my forehead and color my hair to Playboy bunny blonde." You want to talk about qualifications -- Palin's first lack of judgment was putting on lipstick, taking the role and regurgitating a speech that was probably originally written for a man.

My generation has grown up in the bosom of equal opportunity, or at least on an outward front. On average, men still make more money than women and dominate the political world (not to mention my workplace). But for the most part, I didn't have to ride horses side-saddle, wear stockings or become a nurse or a teacher. All of these things are so easy to take for granted until you turn on the TV and find yourself listening to a woman who is being used. Because she is a woman. Because that's what women are for.

Maureen Dowd wrote about Hillary dampening the dreams of our daughters. Palin's only purpose is to feed the wet dreams of our sons, a pretty face to deliver an ugly message smothering a gruesome eight years of huge mistakes. The Kool-Aid is so much easier to drink when you get to imagine your drinking partner in fishnets. Have another glass, baby.

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