I am sitting here writing at 6:32 AM drinking my coffee and reflecting on how I became the successful, happy, fulfilled woman I am today.
For a health coach who is so adamant about what she puts into her body, you might think I have always been this wonderfully healthy and happy person. You might also think I have it all together. The fact of the matter is, though I've been physically healthy for much of my adult life and do in fact live a fabulous life, I just recently became the woman I knew I deserved to be after many years of coping with a toxic mind and lack of self-love.
You see, for so many years, despite my amazing friends, a booming business, two beautiful kids, and a great hubby surrounding me, I felt alone.
From the outside, my life probably seemed great. But on the inside, I experienced negative mental chatter and self-judgment so significant that it suffocated my happiness. I carried around a void in my heart, and was always looking in the rearview mirror with judgment over things I should have handled differently, or should have done, or should have done better at. My emotional state was anything but healthy.
I knew I needed to make a change if I wanted to live the delicious life I deserved, but I wasn't sure how to do it. I didn't want to just exist -- I wanted to live the most divine life possible.
Somewhere along the way, I experienced a revelation. I realized that I was so critical of myself because I was scared that I would fail, or that people would think I was dumb, or that they would not like me. I realized that I had to let go of fear and step into self-love; and not just a little self-love, extreme self-love.
I realized I spent all my time nourishing my body, but failed to properly nourish my soul.
After a childhood and young adulthood burdened with mental toxicity, I wasn't exactly sure how to embrace self-love. Little did I know, the answer was right in front of me in the form of my 7-year-old daughter.
You see, self-love is something we intuitively do as young children, but something we tend to forget as we get older. It means putting ourselves first, which can sometimes go against our nature, especially if we are parents or caregivers.
Self-love is about giving ourselves unconditional love and creating a safe place of inner peace inside ourselves that no one else can touch.
To embrace self-love, I had to learn how to put my needs first and be present in and appreciative of each moment.
These are some of the self-love rituals I began to do, and many of them were inspired by simply watching my innocent daughter enjoy life:
- Make a point to admire the small stuff in life every single day
- Say a positive affirmation every morning
- Practice peaceful deep breathing for at least 30 seconds every morning
- Wake up one hour before anyone else in my house for personal time
- Make a commitment to exercise four times per week
- Put the bat down and be nice to myself (I wouldn't want my daughter thinking negatively of herself, so why should I allow myself to think negatively of my abilities?)
- Make friends with my fears
- Give myself permission to eat a little bit of raw chocolate every day (yes, this is definitely a huge part of my self-love)
- Say "no" to things I do not want to do (I am a recovering people pleaser)
- Never go a day without laughing hard, even when there is nothing to laugh about
- Listen to at least one favorite song each day and dance every chance I get
- Reflect on my past in a positive light, not with negative judgment
- Accept myself for all that I am; I am divine and unique and on this earth for a reason
- Write my feelings in a journal
- Surround myself with positivity, and cut relations with those that are toxic
- Do more of what I enjoy daily
- Don't beat myself up over mistakes, make a point to learn a lesson from them
- Drink a cup of tea with honey in quiet, and enjoy every second of it
Some of the small changes were easy to make. Some of them were harder, like getting behind the self-critical voices. And though the journey to absolute self-love will probably take a lifetime, it's been so worth the effort.
Of course, self-love can be hard to fit into life. I know that with two kids, a business, and working over 70 hours a week, even my 5-minute shower has to be a divine ritual. I have to be present to the water on my head, my face, and my back, and enjoy the scent of the soap I use. I have to breathe in my healthy perfume and take pleasure in putting essential oils on my body after the shower.
Today, I can proudly say that both my body and my mind are in perfect harmony and that allowing myself to experience ultimate self-love as a child does has made me a much better wife, mom and business owner. More important than anything, it's made me the best version of myself.
I want you to learn to do the same -- to laugh hard, cry hard, love yourself hard, and dream hard, just like a child does. Make both your body and your mind a priority and learn to love yourself again. The joy you'll experience as a result will change your life for the better.