"Fail Fast, Fail Often," is a phrase mentioned quite often within the San Francisco startup scene. Basically, when you have a startup, it's sometimes best to "fail quickly and often" before actually succeeding. Coincidently, this is also what the San Francisco dating scene is like. A girl must go on many dates, over the course of a short period of time and '"fail fast" before she actually finds the "one."
I'm a big believer in the "Fail Fast, Fail Often" mentality, especially when it comes to dating in San Francisco. For instance, I've gone on many dates where I just know that it's not going to work out.
Like any other typical San Francisco female, I recently went on a date with a guy I connected with through a dating app. We ended up meeting at a convenient location of my choice, yet he was 20 minutes late. When he finally did arrive, he claimed that he got into the "wrong Uber" -- yeah, right, I mean is that even possible?
Already annoyed by his tardiness, I just knew things weren't going to work out. So, what did I do? I politely chugged my sauvignon blanc, bid him goodbye and dashed home.
Let The Good Times Roll... Or Not.
Now, some of you might be wondering, "Does this woman ever go on good dates?" And, if so, "does she end up failing fast and often on those as well?" In order to answer this question, I will start off by describing a recent "good date" I had:
I met a great guy at a networking event once. I will refer to him as "Brad". Right before I was about to leave, Brad approached me and struck up a conversation. We ended up chatting for about 20 minutes before Brad got up the courage to ask for my phone number (way to go, Brad). The very next day, I got a text message from Brad asking if I had dinner plans. Turns out, I didn't, and I told him that I was free.
Brad ended up picking me up and taking me to a very nice dinner. The conversation was flowing and I was having a great time. And, I took it Brad was enjoying himself as well, since he mentioned that, "we should have dinner again soon sometime."
We finished our meal -- dessert and all -- and Brad dropped me off at my place. "Bye," he said, "I will talk to you soon!" I went to bed that night thinking, "Wow, what a great first date! I can't wait to see Brad again."
So, what happened next? You guessed it -- NOTHING. No follow-up text, no Facebook likes, no Snapchats, no form of any social media stalking whatsoever -- and why should I even mention that I didn't receive a phone call -- I mean who even picks up a phone today to call someone after a date anyways?
The date with Brad wasn't the first time this disappearing act had happened though, and it certainly wasn't going to be the last. In fact, I've started growing accustomed to the "great dates followed up by nothing" approach. However, This got me thinking. "Maybe I come off as too uptight? Maybe I'm intimidating? Maybe I'm not slutty enough?" These are the ridiculous thoughts that would fill my head after dates like these. It simply boggled my mind that a guy I went on a great date with wasn't at all interested in seeing me again afterwards!
SF: The Bermuda Triangle For Men
A girlfriend of mine once made the analogy that San Francisco is like the Bermuda Triangle for men. You go on a date with a guy once, maybe even twice, and then he's gone without a trace. Apparently, my dating experiences weren't uncommon. Many other women in San Francisco were encountering the same thing. But, why?
Swipe Right, Swipe Left
One reason for this common disappearing act is due to the fact that everyone in the Bay Area is swiping nowadays. With the creation of multiple dating apps, the men -- and women -- in Silicon Valley are always on the hunt for something bigger and better. I mean, why settle for one seemingly great catch when the "next best thing" could be just a swipe away?
Look, I get it. Options are great, especially when it comes to things like the stock market, real estate, grocery shopping, pets, etc. But, when it comes to people, especially people whom you actually have a connection with, it might not be a bad idea to give up swiping for a few days.
Is It Me, or Is It Them?
I've come to the conclusion that a girl living in San Francisco can either "Fail Fast, Fail Often," or just plain fail when it comes to dating here. She can either go on a series of bad dates, and act quickly enough to not waste time, or she can go on a great date and expect to never see the man again. So what's the solution?
While Failing Fast and Failing Often is one side of the coin, just plain failure is not an option in my book. I will remain positive, persevere and one day conquer this swipe right, swipe left culture our generation has succumbed to.