With last Sunday being National Coming Out Day, it was no surprise that someone famous did:
Trevor Moran, a YouTube celebrity - I only recently found out that's a thing - and former performer on The X Factor. Now 17, Moran says he told his family he wasn't heterosexual as far back as age 12.
Can a 12-year-old even know their orientation?
Now, before you scream indignantly that they can, let me say I agree with you. Indeed, I find the actual question itself somewhat ludicrous because its very nature implies there's some sort of cut off. That there's some magical date by which everything becomes clear. Indeed, sometimes, when I'm feeling ridiculous, I like to imagine this conversation in the guidance counselor's office:
"Well, Paul, let's see: You just became a teenager and you're pretty sure you only like members of the opposite sex, right? Yep, it's official: I can rate you 'SG-13' (Straight Guy at 13.)"
Life, obviously, does not work like movie ratings. (Heck movie ratings don't work like movie ratings. I don't know a single kid under 17 who hasn't seen nearly every 'R" rated film ever made.) That doesn't mean it's not a valid question: Is there an age when people "know" they're LGBTQ?
In my casual interactions with people over the years on this topic the answer I've heard the most is "I guess I always knew." It's not that I don't believe them, but as someone who likes data to back things up, it's too vague for my tastes. As usually happens when I get those cold, unfuzzy feelings, I start digging for research.
As with many open ended questions, I find a lot of answers on places like Wikianswers and Yahoo Answers. And, as always, I hate those sites because you have no idea who's actually commenting.
If I wanted a mob opinion, I'd scream for the answer out loud in a football stadium.
Certainly, there are some links to reputable publications. The problem is, even many of those articles are really just a collection of anecdotes.
For instance in the Calgary Journal, in an article entitled, "When do most homosexuals know they're gay?" they write, "if they are over the age of 12, it is likely they are already aware of their sexuality."
Great! That's what I wanted to know!
Until you read on and discover that the source for their data is "many in the homosexual community." More, they back up their assertions by simply interviewing people about when they knew. That's nice, but it's hardly evidence.
Another article I found (from Teen Health FX) actually had some good information:
"From early childhood through puberty our future likes and dislikes begin to be shaped. Depending on the type of environment that a child grows up in, they may be exposed to more diverse groups of people. If a child were beginning to feel as though they were not experiencing the same thing that their peers were, they may not understand at first why they are feeling the way that they do. It may take years for them to come to an understanding regarding their sexual preference."
Again, however: Who says?. Sure, the website seems legit enough, but I want to know just how educated this opinion is - and it doesn't tell me anywhere. That bothers me, even though the author acknowledges self-discovery can begin anywhere "from childhood through puberty."
Let me say here it's not that I don't believe what so many of my friends have told me over the years: "I guess I always knew." Certainly, I don't intend to imply they did not. I am not digging for a reason to be wrong.
The problem with that answer is that many people realize they "always knew" something only with the benefit of hindsight. Human memory the fallible thing that it is, we tend to forget how much we didn't know at certain points in our lives.
This isn't just LGBTQ people. If we gave automatic credence to the retroactive "I knew" concept, everyone would be a Google millionaire, and there'd be one less Pirates of the Caribbean movie. (Pick 'em after the first.)
The other problem I have is that I think a lot of people didn't always know. I certainly didn't. Even growing up in an accepting household, exposed to many different types of people, I didn't even begin to suspect I might be bisexual until I was about 30, and I didn't actually know it until I was in my 40s. Indeed, for many years I talked myself out of believing I was LGBTQ because I hadn't always known.
One thing I do know, however, is how to keep digging. And I found it:
"Same-sex attraction for males and females typically occurs at the mean age of 9.6 for boys and between the ages of 10 and 10.5 for girls." Thank you University of Chicago, and their study "The Magical Age of 10."
And then it went on with even more actual facts as they cited a national survey of 1,752 college students:
* 48% of self-identified gay and bisexual college students became aware of their sexual preference in high school while 26% found their true sexuality in college.
* 20% of self-identified gay and bisexual men knew that they were gay or bisexual in junior high school, and 17% said they knew in grade school.
* 6% of self-identified gay or bisexual women knew that they were gay or bisexual in junior high school, and 11% knew in grade school.
Whoever the "The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States" is, I now officially love them. For one thing, they back up every person I've ever talked to on this subject. Whether someone feels like they've always known or didn't know it for a long time, these numbers work.
And that works for me.