Problems With Overprotective Parents: Why Letting Children Play In Dirt Is Healthy

An article by Carine Nadel on "America's Worst Mom," Lenore Skenazy, recently caught my attention. Skenazy's book: Free-Range Kids, Giving Our Kids the Freedom We Enjoyed Without Going Nuts With Worry, details a great model for parenting.

As a pediatrician, I am very aware of the dangers and safety concerns when it comes to our children. Over time, however, I have come to the conclusion that we are doing our kids a disservice by being hyper aware of all the dangers in our society.

Instead, the over-concerned parent presents the greatest danger! We have managed to make prisoners of our children in their own homes. We don't let them venture anywhere out of our sight. How are they going to learn if mom is always watching? How are they going to learn to handle a situation if it is always handled for them? In residency training, we learned faster when the professors kept their distance. When they were at our sides, we always deferred to their expertise and didn't trust in our own abilities. Kids respond the same way.

Because mom or dad is always there to take over if there is even the slightest sign of failure, kids never need to do anything for themselves. If, rather, children learn by failing, their persistence will push them to keep trying until they succeed.

Recently, I wrote an article (August 3, 2009, Huffington Post) regarding childhood obesity. I think one of the leading causes of childhood obesity is lack of freedom for children. They learn to be entertained by television while they live a sedentary existence. They are trapped inside the house because the parents are afraid to let them roam

Lenore's comment, "We need to let our kids be kids" is important. Kids need the freedom from parents to learn and experience adventures on their own. They need to explore. They need to torment an ant hill and learn the consequences. They need to climb rocks and trees, to fall down, and to get right back up and try again.

I have stressed for years that a "little dirt never hurt anyone." I have tried to convince parents to relax and understand that kids will get hurt no matter how diligent they are. I have tried to make them understand that the chances of their child being abducted are less then one in a million. Unfortunately, shows such as Nancy Grace make kidnapping and murder seem to be a far more common experience. These shows may be helpful in some regard, but the overall effect is that it promotes a lock-down mentality which is more harmful in the long run.

I see so many parents in my practice who are so obsessed with making their children's lives stress and danger free that they drive themselves and their kids crazy. I see more depressed children today then ever before. I see kids with anxiety disorders which were very uncommon decades ago. I see a tremendous increase in childhood obesity. I see parents who can't enjoy being parents because of their fixation with making sure their house is 100% child proof.

If things are meant to be, they will happen. I had one case where the parents brought in a seven month old baby girl because they were afraid she had been bitten by a spider. I took it very lightly as the baby was happy and alert and seemed in perfect health. I asked why they thought she had been bitten and they said because they found her holding a big black shiny spider. My immediate thought was of a black widow, but I knew that if she had been bitten, she would be very ill and yet here she was smiling at me. I informed them the spider was more then likely harmless. They produced a plastic bag with a black widow spider, and they added that she had even put the spider in her mouth! Somehow the spider did not strike.

Danger lurks in every corner, but fate determines the outcome 999,999 times out of a million. Parents can do much to ensure the health and well-being of their children, but being over protective won't often prevent catastrophe. Instead, it will prevent your children from leading the type of normal and healthy lives which will allow them to grow into more independent adults down the line.

Relax and enjoy life.

Protect against the obvious, and leave the rest to nature.

Set your anxiety aside or else watch your kids become neurotic with worry.

Most of all, remember the fun times you had as a kid, out on an adventure, and give your own kids the same opportunity to be free.

Comments

[blueAgave]

George Carlin did a shtick on "over parenting" and it puts a humorous spin on exactly what Dr. Resa is saying here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCAdb7JdygA

Parents -- just let your kids be kids for god's sake.

Just saying . . .

[RaySalomone]

This can go either way. Though my mantra is "Play Rough" the dirt and grass in which children now play is often doused with poisons. The community where I live treats the grass with pesticides and herbicides. As tough as I want my 8 month old to be, I am NOT letting him pull at the grass and grab at the dirt. It is sad situation we are in. Big Business put us here. Ask your parks dept if they treat the grass. If they don't, go get dirty. I beleive kids need to run, jump, fall down and do it all over again. But they need a place free of poisons to do so.

Ray Salomone Personal Trainer and Wellness Activist
Greco Roman Wellness

[RMankovitz]

I am a great fan of "dirt" (actually soil-based compounds) as part of one's diet, and have devoted an entire section to it in my book "The Wellness Project."

As a researcher in the fields of zoology, paleopathology, anthropology, zoopharmacognosy (animal self healing), and ethnobotany, the relevance of soil-based compounds in nature's plan for wellness is quite clear. Over the millennia, our ancestors and many other animal species have used these compounds for self healing.

I discuss clay, spore-forming bacteria, and humic/fulvic acids in some depth in my books, including their positive impact in the areas of gut health and detoxification.

Roy Mankovitz, Director
http://www.MontecitoWellness.com

[sunnybunny]

Here's what I do: I go outside too. And my kids know I am likely to show up just about anywhere - just to check on them. We all have more fun that way. I always know where they are and what they are doing (because they tell me) and two of them are grown. It is way healthier and actually more effective (for safety) to teach them how to handle themselves than to constantly protect them from every situation - how will they learn that way? Also I have found that since I am not overly extreme in my protectiveness they are more likely to take my advice when I tell them to be careful than some of their friends are to listen to their parents.

[magagne2006]

I am constantly having to defend myself to family and friends for sitting back and letting my children be children. My boys are 2 and 3yo. I sit on the bench at the park as my children play cheerfully on the Monkey Bars while the other parents are hovering over thier children like helicopters. I also bought a pair of Rain Boots for each of my children so they can walk in the rain puddles that accumulates at the end of our driveway. I also get compliments on how well my children are able to climb, walk/run, swing, ect. People always look at me strange when I joke "My children get half of thier nutrients from dirt". LOL However, it is not completely untrue. My children love to play in the rain and mud. They also love to get clean via bubble baths! My children are not afraid of getting dirty, or climbing trees and are much better for it! I have emailed this article to all of my friends and family. Finally someone who can validate my commitment to raising my children with common sense!!!

[TheBlackCat]

I sure think you're doing it right! These other parents are NOT doing their friends favors. My parents, like you were constantly being criticized for being not protective enough of us.

I'm in my late twenties, and had plenty of friends who were raised by these helicopter parents. And guess what, they absolutely cannot handle life as an adult.

I have friends in their THIRTIES who fall to pieces at the slightest bump in the road- be it a problem with a bill, or minor illness or injury. They are made incapable and frightened by what I consider easily overcome obstacles, or normal day to day ocurrances (i.e. being harassed by a crazy homeless guy).

While I easily adjusted to moving to the big city after college, these childhood friends find themselves trapped in the suburbs/small town whether they like it or not, because they simply can't handle life in a city, where not everything is so cookie cutter and white washed. They also are restricted in where and how they can travel for the same reason. They have trouble with relationships because come on, how many people want to be stuck with a giant man child? Many of them STILL call their parents on weekly or even daily basis to help rescue them from their latest crisis. Lord knows what's going to happen when these parents become geriatric and actually need their kids to help THEM. It's a recipe for disaster!

[TheBlackCat]

rather, at the beginning it should read "not doing their children any favors."

[MaureenHume]

I loved this article. Finally someone with some common sense. Yes, it is hard to find a balance between keeping the kids safe and letting them 'free range'. Yes, every decade gets more dangerous for kids, but wrapping them in cotton wool isn't the right answer. Kicking them outside in the morning and not seeing them again until nighfall isn't going to work either, but a compromise between the two will work. In the millenium it does require more effort to ensure our children can enjoy the wilderness of childhood, often at the cost of parent's time, but it is sooo woth it..
Maureen Hume www.thepizzagang.com