Pop stars Eminem and Lady Gaga recently admitted that they were victims of bullying and we applaud them for making this a relevant issue that should not just apply to youth, but to adults too. It is basically the adults who set the example in regards to bullying. Bullying does not just occur on school playgrounds but also in the workplace. Therefore, it is imperative that we also include the word civility in our national discourse.
Civility: Manners, Morals, and the Etiquette of Democracy by Stephen L. Carter is a thought provoking book that focuses on why we have lost good manners and respect towards others, and what we need to do to recapture "civility" in our society.
Carter focuses on historical examples and real life scenarios that help illustrate how the United States has evolved from being a young democracy to one that has fallen into utter disregard for respect towards each other. Within the book, the author provides ideas how we can recapture civility, by focusing on our personal actions and treating others with dignity and respect. The key is to stop the vicious cycle of incivility and bullying by not condoning or participating in these types of negative activities.
Stephen L. Carter chose to write about the issue of civility since he has personally witnessed how respectful treatment of others has drastically decreased in our U.S. society. The author is trying to make a point that we have loss civility through real life, historical, and personal examples.
The book's fundamental points are to be civil and respectful towards others, even when they are rude to us. Of course, it is easier said than done. But we must continually strive to be the opposite of negative, disrespectful, and uncivil role models or bosses. Of course, at times, we all fall short in practicing civility.
This book offers some guidance towards analyzing why incivility has become so common in our everyday life. Carter's ultimate goal is for us to put into practice his message of respect and tolerance. The greater message is for us to begin to grasp what civility means and to begin to put it into practice, in our daily lives.
Civility is a topic often forgotten, ignored, and misunderstood in our society. Therefore, even though Carter's book is now over a decade old, it is still relevant and valuable to read. The author's main arguments are true since he uses historical facts and examples to reiterate his thesis that we have loss civility in our interactions with each other.
What I do disagree with him is that he states that various religions have not created or exasperate incivility. In some cases, yes, opposing religious views have created tensions and even violence. He misses an opportunity to mention the European one hundred year war between Protestants and Catholics and the continual conflict between Palestine and Israel.
Overall, it is a good book but it does lack in some areas. This book sublimely, and not directly, talks about social inequities that have led us to become a nation of intolerance and mistreatment of each other. This book does not necessarily make the direct correlation with historical facts that would help explain how we have evolved to become an intolerant nation. However, the truth of the matter is that this nation was established with principles of intolerance, and the author slightly brushes on this topic. He could have gone more in depth to further explore the topic of social, political, and economic inequities that have led to more incivility.
Fortunately, Carter does talk about slavery and how the owners of slaves may have practiced "civility" in their political and economic interactions, but the truth is that in the late 1700s, the United States adopted unjust and inhumane attitudes that African Americans, Native Americans, and other minorities were inherently inferior. Yes, the U.S. Constitution afforded us many rights, which we continue to cherish and value. But it took a Civil War to end slavery, and centuries for women, African Americans, and other minorities to be treated with dignity and respect. The U.S. Constitution had to be amended to allow African Americans and women the right to vote.
What is convincing regarding the book is that our society continues to be rude to one another and Carter successfully uses examples of political debates, campaigns, and the role television plays in denigrating and destroying the reputation of opponents.
The author successfully points out that the Catholic church and other religious entities have tried to provide some moderation or suggestions to television networks - to help focus on civility within their programming contents and visuals. But we know that the television industry is driven by viewer ratings and paid advertising, therefore, they have chosen to not censor themselves and they continue to promote topics and images that perpetuate incivility - through the obsessive promotion of violence and sex in our movies.
This book has now taken on more literary merit since we are in a time of economic crisis and everyone is looking to blame others for our social ills. We have also seen a rise in violent shootings throughout the United States, especially with the recent senseless shooting of a Congressional member and other innocent victims in Arizona. We also continue to see how campaigns purposely choose to use dirty and uncivil tactics to destroy the character of political candidates.
The topic within the civility book must take greater importance in our daily dialogue with others, in order to continue promoting better communication and respect among all. Ultimately, bullying must not be tolerated in our households, school, or workplace.
And yes, the workplace and schools must adopt policies of zero tolerance towards incivility and bullying.
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By Randy Jurado Ertll, author of Hope in Times of Darkness: A Salvadoran American Experience (Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group). Web-site: www.randyjuradoertll.com and e-mail, randyertll@yahoo.com
What was the difference here? I believe it has to do with the fact that these kids are holding a vision of service and making a difference. They all volunteer time in their community and talk about how they want to be part of solving the complex problems facing society.
When the vision of higher purpose and sense of community is placed before our young and mentors are made available they will respond. It is when there is only an illusion that money and power can make us happy we become brutish and uncivil. Honoring power and money before higher purpose is a negative behavior pattern deeply instilled in our present society.
Today I come away with hope. Now, if only the media would help with sitcoms and dramas that uplift we can make more progress.
Sylvia Lafair author "Don't Bring It to Work"
For more on this, I'd invite you to visit http://corinnegregory.com/blog/2011/02/02/to-end-bullying-requires-a-cultural-change/ We all must put a priority on decent, civil behavior before the current tide of rude, crude and indifference will change.
- Corinne Gregory
www.corinnegregory.com
www.socialsmarts.com
In such environs, though, a person that amends their social posture by doing things like wearing decent clothes, by conducting themselves like an adult, showing a little 'class', which has nothing to do with how much money you might have, because there's plenty of people with money that still act like complete losers in public, by showing themselves to be better than that, and less interested in being 'hip'(hop) than being themselves, adults, with some self control, that person transcends the 500-channel hash that is beamed at the general public 24 hours a day. Garbage-vision, the vast TV wasteland, who are YOU, and how much of a puppet are you to the hypno-beat? Be yourself, not a tool, a fool, or a follower. Grow up. Don't be Mr. Angrypants, just because that's what you saw on television.
I'm 60 yrs old now & back when I was a kid it was alot different. I was pudgey & nerdy so I got bullied quite often. When I'd get home all bloodied & bruised from an encounter with bullies the 1st thing I'd hear from my parents was, "What did you do to provoke them?" And then I'd get punished for starting a fight (My parents did not use corporal punishments). It didn't matter that it was totally illogical that I'd start a fight with 3 or 4 other kids that were bigger than me.
Today it continues, but at least we now recognize the problem & are working on ways to counteract it.
Once we figure out how to deal with kids that bully we really need to work on the adults.
When we, as a country, as a species, let our manners go completely 'ghetto', then that's exactly where we'll end up living. If instead we decide to live in the United States of America, where people above the age of majority especially are expected to know how to comport themselves in polite society, and those below it are expected to try and learn, then our society will stop looking like a bad rap video or police footage, and a lot more like something we're happy to wake up to in the morning: Everyone else making at least a token effort to be on their good manners also.
Could be, we have to take a 'time out' from the other technology, too. Will you DIE, if you step out of the house without your cellphone? Try it tomorrow, see how far you get, before you feel 'naked'. Time was, though, people didn't have those things, and there were no 'flash mobs' nor half-naked rappers getting publicly arrested. Shut all the gear off, and a lot of this problem, will just die overnight. Maybe computers, too. Until we understand how technology can affect us, in our society, it is a potential hazard.