"You never get a second chance to make a first impression" may sound cliché. Did you know that during the first five minutes of your meeting with a man he has already formed an opinion of you?
Many times we wish for the right person to come into our lives and we don't understand why we can never seem to attract them. What exactly are men looking for in a woman? This is a question that seems to elude most single women.
It is New Year's Eve and a group of us, all friends, are gathered around a cozy fire facing Lake Arrowhead on this chilly but clear night.
There are many single, smart men in our group and the conversation steers towards what exactly it is that single men are looking for in a woman. The universal feedback clearly indicates that the answer is actually quite simple.
Alain's story as narrated here, encompasses everything that men find most attractive in a woman.
Alain happens to be at the Polo Lounge of The Beverly Hills Hotel on this Friday evening. He has just come out of a long and tedious meeting and he is ready to spend a laid back evening just listening to the wonderful live music, and later get a bite to eat before going back to his bachelor pad.
Alain is single and in his late thirties. He has been so busy growing his law practice these past few years that he has not had time for any relationship. Some evenings, such as this one, he wishes that he had someone significant to share his life with. His friends are all married now and weekends are starting to feel somewhat lonely. Even though he has been introduced to a few women he just does not feel they are for him.
On this particular evening, he is seated at the bar savoring his glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, sipping slowly and deeply immersed in his thoughts. Just then he looks up and sees a very attractive woman walk in and order a drink at the bar. He sees her profile, her silky brown hair is tucked behind one ear and she is wearing a soft lilac color dress. She turns to look at the crowd and Alan sees her hazel colored eyes and her bright warm smile. Their eyes lock. She is pretty and carries herself confidently. Alan doesn't look away and neither does she. This lasts for a nice long moment.
He considers walking over to the end of the bar where she is standing, now with a girlfriend who has just joined her, and introducing himself. He wonders if she is single. He hopes she will not think he was one of those men who inevitably hang out at bars chasing women. He hesitates, feeling quite shy now.
What exactly is he looking for in a woman, he wonders. It's been far too long since he dated anyone, let alone met anyone with whom he felt as if the first meeting could turn into a first date. His past encounters have been quite disappointing. For a woman to capture his heart he wishes she would have these qualities.
•Confidence: Not with a big ego, mind you. But to feel secure in who she is and to assume she is awesome in her own right. That she would remain genuinely interested in finding out what is also awesome about the man she has just met. Confidence in a woman is actually very sexy.
•A tasteful sense of humor: Not shallow and not laughing too often or too long at what may not be funny enough. Nor agreeing too quickly before he has expressed any actual points or ideas either. And above all, not being sarcastically funny and making jokes at her date's expense. She could just be sincere and skip the sharp-edged wit. A good sense of humor is a woman's greatest asset.
•Fully present: Focused on what a man is saying instead of fidgeting with her napkin, her hair, or shuffling through other thoughts such as "I wonder what he does" "How do I look?" "Will he be the guy I marry?" Totally clear her mind and hear the words of the man she is with instead of being mentally distracted. Look at him, really commit to listening. He could feel her attention, her eyes on his lips and her reaction to the words he is saying. There is nothing more romantic than letting the man she is with know that she is totally present with him.
•Passionate: Passionate when sharing her ideas, her hobby, her job, her art, her family or anything it is that she is into. It doesn't matter what it is that she is conveying. She is letting him know what she wants in life and what she is actively pursuing. When he hears her passion, he is able to understand her better and also know that she will support whatever it is that he may be passionate about.
•Trust in her own opinion: So many women form opinions of men they encounter by what their friends or family may think of him. Mentally inviting people to sit on the judge's panel and perhaps disqualify him immediately after they meet is a serious mistake. It does not give her a chance to get to know the real person he is. Many women have the habit of testing the man they meet on their very first date rather than giving themselves permission to discover what exactly they may like about each other.
•Well groomed: She should take pride in every detail of her appearance, not just the clothes she is wearing and her hair. Little things like well manicured nails, oral hygiene, a soft and subtle scent instead of reeking of perfume. Most men notice all the little details and appreciate a woman who takes care of her appearance from inside out.
Coming out of his reverie, Alain gets up to walk over to her but he sees that she has already moved away with her friend and out the door. Another opportunity missed. He wonders if he will ever meet her again and if so, would he hesitate or would he at least take a chance. What would he say to her if he could be with her now? Hopefully he will be ready the next time he meets a woman he is attracted to.
Alain says that women are mysteries and men are actually very simple. Do you agree?