Have you ever imagined what it's like being thisclose to vaginas all day -- no, not like that sadly -- you know, for work? The life of a Brazilian waxer is never dull! In fact, sometimes it's downright disgusting. Let's just say I've had more than a few projectiles fly at my face during my 9-to-5. (And yes, I've been propositioned for sex while tweezing.) You'd be surprised at what goes on behind the closed doors of an esthetician's room. Want to help alleviate my (sometimes) torture? Here are five tips that ever waxer hopes you'll heed before heading into the salon:
1. Shower before your appointment. I am not saying women's lady bits smell bad, but showering before your appointment is the considerate thing to do. There have been occasions when people come to me directly after horseback riding (really?) as well as a long-distance bike ride (why?) and because of this, the molecules in the room change once your pants are off. It's just a fact.
2. Please use the handi-wipes in the esthetician's room prior to your appointment for a quick clean up -- regardless if you feel like you need to or not -- just do it. Handi-wipes are to be used for your vagina and most importantly -- your other hole. Wipe front to back and use as many as you want -- trust me -- we have more! There have been far too many appointments that have resulted in someone unknowingly giving me the stink-eye (see what I did there?) because they didn't take advantage of the magical wipes on the counter. These are the moments that define your esthetician's poker face.
3. Please do not have sex before your appointment. We can tell when you do this and you are not fooling anyone. I know some people get excited during waxing, but what I am talking about is beyond excited. This is about someone else's excitement over your impending Brazilian. And I get it. This can be a titillating conversation on the way to your appointment, but please don't let this turn into an episode of True Detective. Your esthetician does not need to deal with your lover's sex-milk.
4. Period etiquette: Estheticians have a right to refuse the service if you are on your period. This is for a number of reasons: One, it is more painful for you. When you have your period, your vagina is super sensitive and waxing -- already rather torturous -- can become even more so. I do not mind waxing women on their periods. Life doesn't need to stop because of a once-a-month event and I am on board with that sentiment. However, the string of your tampon is not a one-trick pony. Here is what can happen: Let's say you forget or do not disclose you have your period. Perhaps your tampon string gets stuck in the wax and your esthetician does not notice. Then suddenly wax is being ripped off, along with your tampon, which is now out of your body and flying across the room like a bloody mouse-rocket and everyone is mortified -- true story.
5. Last but not least, please be aware of how long your hair needs to be before your appointment. A good length is between 1⁄4- 1⁄2 inch long. If the hair is too short, we can't help you and please do not expect us to tweeze out every hair that didn't come out in the wax because it was too short. If the hair is too long, estheticians can trim, but be aware we can't work miracles in 30 minutes or less on a bush that needs a weed whacking. If you are not on an every-four-week waxing schedule, the best solution is to use clippers with a guard before your appointment.
Please and thank you. Happy waxing!
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