Sometimes the proper response to hurt is not hurt. It is forgiveness. Always, the answer to a problem is not creating another problem, but to attempt a solution.
This weekend was a good example for me involving the National Arab American Journalists Association, which I head, popular ESPN/ABC Sportscaster Bonnie Bernstein, the popular Mike and Mike Show on ESPN and a convoluted comparison that NBA hopefuls are pushed into it the way Palestinians push their kids to become suicide bombers.
On Thursday, I received many emails about Bonnie Bernstein who had said something on an ESPN syndicated radio program called The Mike and Mike Show that Arab and Palestinians who heard the comment felt was racist. The precise comment was important -- she compared NBA hopefuls pushed into the competitive nature of recruiting to suicide bombers pushed into it by their parents. What made it offensive was that, citing the New York Times, she said it was the way Palestinians (implying as a people) push their kids to be suicide bombers.
That is racist. To ascribe a viciously negative stereotype -- especially one so politically exploited -- to a race and people, is wrong.
I listened to her remarks and tried to understand the context in which they were made. I concluded that I did not believe Bernstein had meant it as an intentional slam against a people. She referenced a vicious stereotype but was not the intentional advocate for it, as might be open bigots and racists like Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Daniel Pipes or Michelle Malkin. Basically, Bernstein said something stupid.
I researched her background and did not see any past evidence of this behavior. Bonnie Bernstein is not a racist or a bigot.
So, as a representative of the National Arab American journalist Association (www.NAAJA-US.com), who oversees NAAJA "Media Watch," I sent Bonnie, the producers of the show and editors at ESPN noting my concerns and asking them to "address" the issue. (I am also a member of the Asian American Journalists Association Media Watch List where similar issues, mostly focused on Asian American journalists surface and are addressed, too. NAAJA follows the AAJA guidelines and also the Society of Professional Journalists guidelines on ethics, too.)
Here's a link to the detailed back and forth, the letters and apologies.Here's the link to the SPJ "al-Sahafiyeen Arab American Journalists Blog" where the information was also posted.
They all did within a few hours, issuing an apology. While the producers of The Mike and Mike Show and ESPN said her comments were inappropriate, Bernstein issued a carefully worded apology that addressed the inappropriateness of using the stereotype in the context of the discussion in which it was made. I felt that she could have gone further apologizing to Palestinians for the hurt caused by the stereotype she used, but that was her choice. She didn't have to go that far.
NAAJA then acknowledged that the apology was acceptable: it was a measured response to a measured mistake. NAAJA moved Bernstein from the Media Watch List to the Media Watch Honor List which identifies media that do acknowledge their mistakes.
But many who later read about this issue took sides not around the issue of the stereotype and the principles involved in when a stereotype is or isn't racist. Rather, many focused on the ugliness of the political atmosphere in the Middle East. To many it was not about whether or not the incident was racism by intent or by "innocent construction" but rather an opportunity to use it as a platform to hurt the adversary.
The debate quickly shifted from facts to personalities too with critics joined by hate mongering sites like MilitantIslam.com to attack me, falsely claiming that whenever I denounce suicide bombings I always qualify it. Not true of course but hate sites promote hate not facts, truth or understanding.
Bernstein also engaged me an email correspondence where I addressed the issues but also expressed remorse for the fight the topic was becoming.
She actually became more sensitive too the issue and she shared with me some of her feelings and concerns. But I felt good apologizing and acknowledging the pain that she also experienced.
Everyone is a victim in a situation like this. But the proper conduct is to always be forgiving and not ramp-up the rhetoric as in an email flame war. The idea in life and in conflict is to make friends not more enemies out of people who could easily become enemies and to resolve the problem positively not inflame the issue more.
As a Palestinian, I know how difficult it is for my community to get racists of all degrees to acknowledge their actions, and that pushes some in my community to be cynical, especially since the leadership of the Arab and Muslim community is so ineffective in fighting racism and often turn racist incidents into opportunities to score political points.
But we must recognize that the challenge is to educate, not hate, and to make people understand. And the people who are most inclined to understand are those who become your friends and whom you have also forgiven.
Ray Hanania
www.TheMediaOasis.com