The Untouchable Michael Jackson
I met Michael Jackson in 1984. We were both guests of Quincy Jones and Steven Spielberg at Amblin, Spielberg's production company on the Universal film lot. Whoopi Goldberg was preparing to play Celie, the protagonist in the film version of The Color Purple, a book written by my mother, and was giving a private stand-up performance at Spielberg's request.
Michael and I sat in the front row. He was wearing his by-then trademark red bandleader jacket with epaulets and gold rope loops at the shoulder, trim black slacks, white socks, black shoes, and yes, a glove. Whoopi was hilarious, and at one point singled me out for audience participation. She asked a few questions and pulled me onstage. I gamely played along, enjoying the attention.
Why Michael approached me in a room full of superstars after the show I will never know. Perhaps because I was the youngest in the room, and at 14 didn't have a big name, a big career or a powerful company. I was a kid, easy, with few expectations. I was not old enough to demand, even silently, that he live up to anything. Perhaps he felt that with me he could be, in a sense, free.
I remember his body language. He moved slowly, like a very cool cat, hesitant, but smooth. And then, in the softest of voices, he asked how I was able to do the impromptu bit of comical business. He could never do something like that on the spot, he said. He'd be too nervous. I remember laughing and chiding him. You'd be great, Michael! I said. He shook his head and out crept a smile so open and vulnerable that I wanted to hug him, and probably would have, if he weren't Michael Jackson.
But he was, and I had no way to reach across the boundary of celebrity that put us on opposite sides of an invisible fence. Michael was, as he described himself in a song years later, untouchable. I believe that is what killed him. A human being can only live so long without the touch of another and can only breathe manufactured air for so many minutes.
We are left with music, memories and the shame of our own narcissistic voyeurism. As it was for so many of us, Michael's music was a running soundtrack for my life, a powerful influence that helped shape my identity. As a young girl, I kissed a boy furtively as Michael's song, "Rock with You," played on my cassette player. My first real boyfriend stood for hours in front of a full-length mirror in my bedroom practicing his Michael Jackson dance moves. In quieter moments, we lay on my bed listening to "She's Out of My Life" on the record player, both of us close to tears and full of reverence for Michael's heartfelt emotion.
Later, when I was old enough to go out dancing with my friends, we'd all scream when we heard the rumblings of his sultry dance groove, "Don't Stop Till You get Enough" and head to the dance floor for some serious getting down.
After college, I wrote my first memoir about growing up biracial and drew sustenance from the video for his song, "Black or White," in which Michael portrayed race as fluid; the models in the video morphed from African to Indian to Italian to Swedish to Mongolian and back again. And he told the world that love is what matters, not skin color.
But then the nose narrowed too much, and the ever-lightening skin grew hard to stomach. The lawsuits began to surface, one after another, and then the trial and the faces of the young boys with sorrowful tales of abuse. I sat transfixed before the television and trolled the Internet for sordid news. I watched, ridiculed, judged and tried to hold on to the unsullied image of the man I met. But the stage had been set. Michael's life was already one giant Rorschach. I sat on the sidelines with my popcorn, projecting hope and desire, fantasy and fear onto his increasingly frail body, waiting for the next set.
I will not forget the moment I heard Michael Jackson was dead. I was driving on an island road, with rows of sugar cane on either side. The sun was bright and yellow and hot. I pulled over onto a patch of grass, in shock and disbelief. Michael Jackson is dead? I kept asking my husband over and over. Dead? I groped to put it in context, to read the moment, to see what it meant for him, but perhaps more important, what it meant for me. A part of me was dying, I decided. The part that hoped Michael could survive the tremendous burden he carried, that I carried. The part that held the memory of his precious innocence: my precious innocence.
That night I watched one of Michael's breathtaking performances of the song "What About Us" on YouTube. In the beginning, Michael emerges from a giant earth, surrounded by children and proceeds to build the song to a feverish pitch. The lyrics ask all the right questions: "What about sunrise? What about rain? What about killing fields? Is there still time? Did you ever stop to notice, all the blood we've shed before? Did you ever stop to notice, this crying earth, this weeping shore?"
As the song soars toward the crescendo, Michael asks again and again, "What about us?" "What about us?" People in the audience scream and weep. At the end, spent, victorious and miraculous, he gathers the children, and they walk slowly back into the giant earth at the center of the stage.
Initially, I was speechless, overwhelmed by his mastery of his form and the power of his message. And then, without thinking, I turned from the computer and said out loud, "What about us? What about him?"
Because that's the real story, isn't it? It was always all about us. Who came with that level of passion and commitment on Michael's behalf? Who offered their lives to him the way he offered his to us?
But even in the question, we glimpse the conundrum. We use his death, as we used his life, as a mirror. There is no room for Michael. It is still, tragically, all about us.
Perhaps that is Michael Jackson's final song, his parting gift. We must have a bigger heart, a bigger vision.
It's not all about us.
By Rebecca Walker, for Corriere della Sera and The Root
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
Every once in a while, the impossible happens.
That's how I sum up Michael Jackson's life and death.
I didnt realize what a big loss it was until the service and now aferwards. I think he was a pure, sensitive, smart, talented person with a good heart, a rare thing in this world and I think his death was a great loss but his message is still here for us and we can still learn kindness and caring through what he did. It was far more than music. sharpton was right, it was much bigger than just music.
I think Ms. Walker's comments are very personal and a view that many people share of Michael Jackson. I think her words were beautiful and thoughtful.
However, her view is not one that I share. Michael Jackson lived bigger than life it seemed. His fame and subsequent infamy were lived on a scale that we will not see again.
My problem is that in death we have washed away his sins. Sins that are hard to wash away and gloss over in death.
He was accused multiple times of inappropriate contact with children. Past his plastic surgery, past his reclusive lifestyle, his never-grow-up mentality, and his peronal quirks are demons. I cannot forgive him for those. I can understand where they came from and why they were there. He was robbed of his own childhood by a domineering and abusive father. But instead of dealing with these issues, he passed them on to other unsuspecting children.
I close with this, if here were not famous would we feel this bad for him? Would we gloss over his sins this easily if he were not Michael Jackson?
What sins? Are you casting stones here? Are you possession of facts or are you playing a guessing game? Who is the "we" you speak of? What is the significance of your forgiveness?
Are you not buying his music or videos? What is your point, really?
Sometimes I think that there is nothing that would make his hard-core fans believe anything that they have already decided they don't want to believe.
If you know what I mean.
Fans can be forgiven. The extent of their adulation is in direct proportion to the shadow that he cast. Too many people are engaging in idle, meaningless speculation and ignoring the facts that are available. MJ is beyond judgment outside of the scope of his actual accomplishments. He is no different from any other celebrity in a culture that deifies and worships the type. One difference that may be significant is that his gifts were plenary and his work ethic was singular in its own way.
It is unfortunate that such gifts often bring in their wake the sleaziest and exploitative kinds of folk around. All will build their own fence around the star and create all the illusion that they can. Who is without eccentricity? The difference between MJ and the rest of us is the degree to which the eccentric can be supported.
There is a terrible price to pay for bringing so much joy into so many lives. Santa Clause lives at the North Pole because he knows that visits are impractical.
He was never convicted of anything. No one ever told him no for fear of excommunication or something like that. Whose fault is that? MJ was a brilliant and innovative performer but unfortunately all too human. Too bad he didn't have some humanity around him.
I'm not exactly a fan, but an admirer of his talents. I was guilty of never trying to find out the truth about the accusations until he died. From what I read about the trials it seems very obvious that he was a victim of extortion.
Sometimes I think there's nothing that would make judgmental and gullible people who have preconceived ideas of what they believed to be the truth (fed by the media) to even try to search for the truth. It's a sad world where so many people believed the tabloids.
You know... I'm tired that people are casting sins on this man that he did not commit. He was found 'not guilty' by an all white jury, not an easy task for sure, and the case was only brought forward because it was Michael Jackson. There was no evidence at all and a weak case which is why he was found not guilty. The fact that it made it to trial is because it was Michael Jackso.
The case prior his insurance company settled and it was against Michael's wishes, it is all public record. People ask, what kind of person settles a molestation case. My question, what kind of parent in their right mind would settle a case for money if someone molested your kid? The case was always about money, the father even tried to sue Michael years later again for $60 million and the suit was thrown out of court.
The ONLY thing you know is what was reported by the press... what I know and is a fact was that he was found not guilty - and we was accused twice, not numerous times, another lie from you.
My memories of MJ also detail through my life, just like millions of others..
MJ's death has hit me very hard. Im actually ashamed of myself..I have went through my life listening to MJ, but not knowing anything about him until he died..What I've seen on his video's and the words to his songs, has amazed me to the fullest.
You know how you can hear a song, but not really listen to the words? That was my concept...Now that i have taken the time to listen, i feel such deep inner emotions for this remarkable man...I have cried for many days, and even wake up hearing his songs in my head..
.This man was worldly, compassionate, loving, caring, extremely intelligent, but most of all, he loved children, his fans and this world..His message for love was acceptance for everyone by everyone..
MJ was an angel among men...His true calling was what he gave to the world..He gave all he had to everyone he could, even when the strain of life was too much to bear...He didn't faulter, he never spoke a harsh word to anyone...He only asked in return for belief and faith in him as a man and an artist...He is one of a kind!!
Stevie Wonder was right...God must of needed Michael more!! This society didn't act like we needed him...but then again, you never know what you have until its gone!! Now we suffer!!
Thank you for a beautiful post. How is it that our most talented and giving performers end up so isolated? At the end, Elvis was surrounded by his "crew" and managed by a huckster.. almost the same with Michael.. Michael was pure light, he not only sang the music, he "was" the music, for a whole generation and beyond..To not live to see your children grow up, is a terrible and undeserved fate for anyone, but for someone so giving and loving to the whole world, it is unimaginably cruel. I hope he is in a better place than those who tried to destroy him.
I don't know. Phoniness runs deep and wide. How many people have wanted you as a Friend even as they displayed no interest in actually conversing with you given the chance? I'd guess this poor soul suffered from that loneliness by a ten factor. He deserves peace for sharing his gifts with the world while he was here.
So beautifully written, and so tragically true. It doesn't seem to fail, how the world, with much apathy and even curiosity on our parts, chews up and spits out the most creatively gifted, and talented, and deeply sensitive among us. As many have said, he was a gift to the world in ways much more profound than even his music - he so often spoke of the bible, and how it gave him strength. I can't help but wonder about how he felt when he read of the prophets - I am sure he is now with them, finally able to rest and be understood - Godspeed Michael...
Well written - and thanks for the few lines from Earth song. The video clip always goes right to the heart, so powerful I never really listened to the lyrics. We should read them as poetry. He was a master performer, master song writer, dancer and composer, and thereby - just as you say - a mirror to us.
Thank you...from the little girl who dreamed Michel was singing to her only, the teenager who wanted to just sit and hold his hand while he just smiled that sweet smile, to the 20 something who 'rocked with him' in my living room, alone in my heart, to the 30 years old who desired the sensual man who moved me like no other.
And now, I thank you, from the 52 year old, who can only hope to create the possibilities of love in our world that Michael imagined for us.
I am sorry he's left us, maybe now we will hear him from beyond neverland.
I was in college when "Off the Wall" came out. My room mate (Mel if you're reading this, hey girl!) had the worst crush on Michael Jackson I'd ever seen. She played that album until I was sick of Michael, his voice, his songs, and his face.
Today? I feel you girlfriend.
It was a real pleasure to read your remembrance of Michael Jackson.
thank you...
Thanks for sharing your beautiful memories! This country, so called "land of the free", is full of hatred, discrimination, intolerance, dirty politics, poor media, and racism; and until all we can find ways to live our own lives instead of other people's lives, we would not get any better!
Very thoughtful, thank you!
If you are of a certain age, Michael was the sountrack of your life. My first 45, was ABC, when my brother and I saw the Jackson 5 on the Ed Sullivan show, we knew it was special.My friends and I all had crushes on one of the Jackson brothers. As we got older, we would debate, who was better, Michael Jackson or Prince. I met my first fiance at a Christmas party , and we danced to Billie Jean. It is sad to know Michael is gone, no one, and I mean no one, can survive under a constant microscope,
it is not natural, or healthy. No human being should be subjected to what Michael went through, not to sell magazines, or to get a personal payday, not one of us could have stood up to the stress. RIP Michael.
Ever since MJ died, I've been on youtube looking at many home movies and documentries including television interviews. MJ was a FUNNY man with a hearth of gold
This was beautifully written, and conveys a message that for me I too can't seem to shake about MJ's passing. I am shocked and devastated like someone in my own family has passed away. Each day, I think, it will get better today. But each day, it hurts a little more. I learn so much from the home movies about Michael. Michael gave all of himself to us. He was conveying a message to us. He was the vessel to spread hope and to get us to move beyond ourselves. Sometimes I think we heard it and sometimes we didn't because we got caught up in Michael the person and not Michael the messenger. His gift was in the music. I think at some point he stopped hearing the music with the trials and tribulations in his own life. And we stopped listening. His death has allowed us to remember to be compassionate and to love one another. It has reminded me to remember the message to move beyond myself. I think why it continues to hurt so much is because what he went through, we didn't stand up for him and allowed him to face it on his own after he gave so much of himself to us through his music.
I echo your sentiments wholeheartedly. I always saw Michael as the messenger, and, sadly, we all know what often happens to the messenger.
That's what makes it sad. We forget to hear the message and then kill the messenger.
Thank you Ms. Walker...that was a beautiful and such a loving piece.....loving because it is not judgemental, a rarity around here at times.
I felt so devastated upon learning of MJ's death. I felt like I had lost a close family member and I'm kind of surprised as are people around me by my reaction: I've never been a crazed fan for any artist really but Micheal was special. As to so many, he was a great part of my growing up in the Caribbean: He was the first image I got of blacks in the U.S. and I was always in awe of just how many white followers he had, his ability to straddle accross race and nationality was just amazing and a promise of what is yet to come...
I never believed the molestation charges because to me they were just what they were: an extortion case and a media circus. but i feel bad that I wasn't one of the active fans then to vehemently defend michael everywhere! I loved his songs, but I never really spent time to think of the person who wrote them...I know that he is resting in peace among the angels, I have the strongest feeling about this: he wasn't just a star, an amazing artist: He was a great Human Being, a light on this earth despite some of his unfortunate choices and that his why he was crucified in the media and suffered from it.
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
