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Where Are All The Older Single Men?

10/16/2013 07:59 am ET | Updated Dec 16, 2013

Older single women, have long pondered the enigma of the elusive older single male. Ask any married woman if she knows any single, eligible older women and she will rattle off any number of names. Ask if she knows older single men and she will either have no idea or will suggest Ralph, her husband's never-married second cousin whose hobby is creating sculptures of all the former Presidents, using Styrofoam peanuts and twist ties.

So where are the single men? Research into this enigma has resulted in several answers, depending on one's perspective, life experiences, and the success or failure of one's last date.
Some suggest that older single males find younger women to date, a myth popularized by the media and the Russian mail order bride industry. But the reality is that this accounts for only a very small percentage of the older single male population, and most of them are George Clooney.

Some women believe that older single men spend all of their non-working hours in front of their TVs, in an endless loop of football/baseball/soccer/basketball/fishing/ bowling/wrestling/car racing/boxing/Just Say Yes to the Dress (Note: The last item has always been this writer's fantasy man and she still holds out hope that Now Husband will see the light). In other words, anything that keeps them rooted to the chair and the TV and whatever comes out of a dark brown bottle.

Women who frequent online dating sites have a different impression of where older men might be. They read men's self-professed penchant for cycling/hiking/boating/climbing /kayaking /running/walking/swimming/golfing. These women believe that most older men are still out there, lost on slopes, in the air, on bodies of water. Some believe that the woods are so crowded with men taking long walks in them, that, like liquor stores on game day, these men have taken a number and are sitting quietly by the path, awaiting their turn.

In an attempt to ferret out older single men, some women have taken to hanging out at the offices of divorce attorneys and urologists. Others have taken part-time jobs delivering pizza or working for Verizon or Comcast. A small minority has gone to barbering school.

It's a losing battle. Statistics prove it: At ages 50-54, there are equal numbers of single men and single women. At ages 60-64, there are close to 2.3 single women to every single man. By ages 70-74, the ratio is 4 to 1. The last actual sighting of a single man age 75 or above was made in July of 2008, and he was later proven to be an extraterrestrial. Thousands of older women expressed interest in dating him, but, after several unsuccessful dates on Match.com, he fled to his home planet.

This brings us back to the original question: Where are the older single men? This writer is stumped and invites all older single men to immediately make yourselves known by sending information about where you are. For a certain sum of money, she will match you with fabulous eligible women. For a larger sum she will keep your secret.

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