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33 Hot and Heavy Sex, Dating and Relationship Dos and Don'ts

Do love, treasure, nurture, respect and be kind to your body and who you share it with. The more your love and respect your body, the more men will as well.
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Author, Coach and Consultant

Author, Coach and Consultant
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  1. Do marry the hot fireman who promises he'll push you around in a wheelchair if for some reason you have hip replacement in your 20s and vows to marry you when you're 30 even is he's five years younger, because sometimes men really do know what they want.

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  • Don't stay with the first guy you kiss all throughout high school unless you are crazy, madly, deeply in love -- or anyone else for that matter -- because it is a waste of your time and theirs.

  • Do expect to meet men that have many of the same patterns you stuggle with in your relationship with your dad. So be sure to put in the work to identify and work through them or else the patterns will continue repeating until you are practically dating your dad and that is just gross.

  • Don't marry the first guy who proposes to you, especially if he's twice your age and drunk.

  • Do be weary of what relationship self-limiting beliefs you hold (i.e., "I'm never going to get married." or "All men are cheaters.") because you may be living those prophecies today. So be sure to go back, reframe and undo them.

  • Do love, treasure, nurture, respect and be kind to your body and who you share it with. The more your love and respect your body, the more men will as well.

  • Don't sleep around, but if you have a high sex drive and love a night of hot and heavy you-know-what, please do be sure to use protection. After working in pharmaceutical sales and hearing about how many times women caught gonorrhea, chlamydia and herpes in a single one night stand, I'd rather get hot and heavy solo than risk getting what is known as a STD "tri-fecta." Basically, just be smart.

  • Do date a man who treats his mother with respect. Remember a mother is the most important woman in a man's life and will probably continue to be even after he is married for some. The way a man treats his mother is almost a sure sign of how he will treat you.

  • One word of caution regarding the above, do beware of the man who puts his mom before you with everything. It's one thing to date a man who respects women, it's another to date an over-the-top mama's boy.

  • Do give men the opportunity to help you out with things because they like to feel needed. Be sure to allow them to open doors and jar lids that hurt your wrist to open, pull out chairs, carry heavy bags, fix your dishwasher and install the lightbulb. Whether you're old fashioned, like I am, and want a true gentlemen or are a fiercely independent woman (also me) you have to give them a role to play in your life.

  • Do realize that if you are not single by choice and are in your late 30s or 40s and have been single for a long, long time, there are basically two plausible explanations. One, all men are immature, cheaters, taken, or noncommittal. Or two, and the most probable, your relationship patterns, blockages and issues are getting in the way and have yet to be dealt with. Meaning, you need to coach, therapist or one of Dr. John Gray's Mars and Venus books to straighten your love life out. Look inside and be honest with yourself, would you date the male version of you?

  • Do listen to your mom when she repeatedly tells you to wear sunscreen. The skin you take care of in your 20s when you're dating all the wrong men, needs to last you through your 30s or 40s so you can date men who are both 10 years younger and older. That way you have a broader spectrum of possibilities.

  • Dating younger men may not seem so appealing in your 20s, but it sure is a lot more appealing in your 30s. Besides, a physician once told me, "Actually, it makes more sense physically for women to date younger men." Aka, our sex drives peak during the same time and women generally outlive men. Not to mention it's trendy and men have been doing it for centuries, so why can't we?

  • Don't disillusion yourself with the lies we girls tell each other to make ourselves feel better when a guy does not call. He did not lose our phone number or drop his phone in the toilet and certainly hasn't been out of the country in some remote area for three weeks without any Internet access or cell phone reception. If he hasn't called that's because He's Just Not That Into You. If you haven't read the book yet and are still making all the same excuses you better pick up a copy.

  • Do value yourself. The more you value yourself, the more men will value you. This is what one coach calls, a "High Value Woman." Because she values herself, even ordinary men will rise to the occasion and treat her better. So when you remember that you are a princess and treat yourself as such, not only will men value you more but you'll also recognize and ward off the men who don't.

  • Do learn the difference between sex and love, and to save yourself a lot of heartache, learn it early. If you are looking for a night of hot, easy sex don't be upset when you decide you want to start a meaningful and loving relationship with Mr. One Night Stand because 99 percent of the time Mr. One Night Stand is sure he was just looking for sex. Not saying you can't have happily ever after, just saying it's highly unlikely.

  • Do write a list of everything you want in your ideal man and make sure your core things are on that list so that when you meet a man who does not have the core things you want in a relationship, you know that he is most likely not for you.

  • Do be the type of woman you would need to be to attract the type of man you want. As they say, like attracts like.

  • Do make yourself happy first. Because as Audrey Hepburn said, "Happy girls are the prettiest."

  • Do realize that you can and deserve everything you have ever wanted in life and a relationship. But remember you have to put in some time and effort. As a girl I met once said, "You can't meet a prince if you're stuck in castle."

  • If what you have been doing hasn't gotten you the results you want in your love life or any other area of your life, then it's time to try something different. Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

  • Do give nice guys a chance.

  • Do follow your inner wisdom. When a guy talks like a bad boy, walks like a bad boy and has the same behaviors as other bad boys you have met, run away. Don't try to change him. Steer clear or don't be upset when he breaks your heart like every other bad boy you've ever met. For more on getting over a breakup, be sure to read my 7 Empowering ways for Women to Overcome a Breakup.

  • Don't act like his mom. You are not his mom so don't act like it. I know we can be nurturing, but please make sure you allow him to dote on and spoil you too, like help you with the dishes, wash and fold your laundry, massage your feet, etc.

  • Don't settle for bad sex if it is important to you. It is not the end all be all of a relationship, but it is still bad sex. If there's no sexual chemistry from the get go, unfortunately, there's just no sexual chemistry.

  • On the other hand, do work on the sex in a relationship if you and your significant other are just in a sexual rut and need to rev up the engine. Here you can read about 5 Ways to Keep the Erotic Spark in Your Relationship.

  • Don't jump into a relationship too fast. Be sure to give the guy ample time to get to know you and realize that you are more than a hot piece of you know what. That way he'll call you back when he's supposed to and if you're looking for a relationship he'll know you're a keeper.

  • Do notice the other people your love interest hangs out with. If you don't like the people he hangs out with, there's a good chance you probably won't like him very long either. So select wisely.

  • Do remember that until it is clear that you are in a monogamous relationship you are free to date as many men as you want. If you're not sure about the status of your relationship, then don't be to shy to ask.

  • Don't be afraid to tell a man what you want and to say no to a man who doesn't fit what you are looking for.

  • But do give men you normally wouldn't date a chance just to see what's out there and see if maybe you've been overlooking something.

  • Don't forget we are not perfect either. We have our flaws just like everyone else does. So work to improve those flaws or accept them so that when you meet the right guy you're ready for him.

  • Do take your time and wait for the right guy to come along who will love, support and cherish you like the goddess you are.

    • Learn more about Renee Lo Iacono here.

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