Rick, If You're Against Porn, Don't Watch It

In a TV interview on Sunday, Rick Santorum said that if he is elected President, he will file criminal charges against the distribution of pornography. Santorum specifically referred to “exposure on the Internet,” so presumably he would censor the Internet.

The Internet Police. What a concept.

Santorum complained that President Bush enforced “the law” (probably alluding to the “Child Online Protection Act,” passed in 1998), but President Obama has not. Well, there’s a reason for that. The U.S. Supreme Court held that the law is unconstitutional, and the Court issued its final ruling in that case on the day after President Obama was sworn into office.

But let us give credit where credit is due. A Republican candidate for president finally has come up with a jobs program: policing the Internet for porn. All 50 billion pages of it.

I have a dramatically simpler idea.

Rick, if you’re against pornography, then don’t watch it.

You see how that works? Let me give you some more examples.

If you’re against contraception, don’t use it.

If you’re against abortion, don’t have one.

If you’re against Moslems, don’t become one.

If you’re against gay marriage, don’t have one.

If you’re against unions, don’t join one.

If you’re against universal health care, just keep your distance from doctors and hospitals.

If you’re against homosexuality, then feel free to limit your sexual interest to the 3 billion human beings of the opposite gender.

What I’m basically trying to say to Rick Santorum, and everyone like Rick Santorum, is this: mind your own business.

Courage,

Alan Grayson

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (Paul of Tarsus, quoting Jesus)