Justin, Asher, Tyler, Zach, Billy. Just listing the names of the teens who recently took their lives after being bullied for their sexual orientation (or perceived orientation) brings up a tide of rage that I didn't think I was capable of. To think of these lives, cut short because of how cruelly they were treated by those around them, makes me want to lash out -- to be equally cruel to those who bullied these young men to their deaths.
I'm sure I'm not alone in my anger at these bullies, and in my grief for their victims. We cannot truly fathom the depths of the psychological and spiritual torment each of these young men suffered in the days and months before they died by their own hand. We also may have a hard time fathoming the depth of depravity one must experience to become the kind of person who can cruelly abuse others without caring what the result of that bullying may be. But, as people of faith, we must look not only on the victims with compassion but extend that compassion to the bully as well.
As someone who has dealt with bullies my entire life (and even attempted suicide as a teen in response), I have come to not only have compassion on the bullies, but to appreciate them. Bullies -- those who would set themselves apart as our enemies -- have valuable lessons to teach those of us in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, if only we'll take the time to open our hearts and minds to them.
I cherish my enemies because it is through them that I am continually motivated to seek justice and equality in this world. I cherish my enemies because they challenge my faith and make me continually think not just about what I believe, but why I believe it. I cherish my enemies because they force me to get out of the comfortable pew and do the uncomfortable work of mercy and love. I cherish my enemies because they are a constant reminder that I am just as flawed as they are, just as willing to react with hatred toward others I see as different or as a threat to my own physical or spiritual security.
Walter Wink writes in The Powers That Be that our enemies can be a way to God:
We cannot come to terms with our shadow except through our enemy, for we have no better access to those unacceptable parts of ourselves that need redeeming than through the mirror that our enemies hold up to us. This, then, is another, more intimate reason for loving our enemies: we are dependent on our enemies for our very individuation. We cannot be whole people without them.
This concept would certainly be lost on Justin, Asher, Tyler, Zach, Billy and the countless other young people who have taken their own lives -- unaware that enemies often come bearing gifts. This is not a failure on the part of these young people, bully or victim. Instead, it is a failure of society, and of the church, for neglecting to teach true compassion. Instead, society and the church send relentless mixed messages of rugged individualism -- a be-all-you-can-be society and faith -- but at the same time expect us to fit in, to toe the line and above all be "normal." If we fail to fit the mold, society and the church feel justified in pushing us back in line, bullying us with social norms and mores, or religious orthodoxy and tradition.
Religion, especially, has failed to teach us how to deal with one another justly. Jesus laid it out quite clearly that we are to love our neighbor, which includes our enemy. If that wasn't clear enough, he specifically told us to "bless those who persecute you." For the LGBT community, this must become a way of life if we are ever to stop being the victims of bullies -- individual bullies and the institutionalized ones, who bully us with legal and ecclesiastical blessing.
We can only bless those who persecute us when we truly understand the depth of our commonality as human beings. That point of commonality is simply this: we all suffer. No one goes through this life without suffering some manner of injustice, some manner of pain, some manner of despair, some manner of hopelessness. We all suffer, bully and victim alike. When our suffering is not compassionately recognized and given a full hearing, anger and violence are a likely result.
Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hahn reminds us: "When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you have to be intelligent enough to see that the person suffers from his own violence and anger ... When we see that our suffering and anger are no different from their suffering and anger, we will behave more compassionately."
This is the gift the enemy brings to us: a chance to see with new eyes the ties that truly bind us together as humans, the suffering that we share. The bully suffers just as surely as the victim. The only difference is, society and the church have assured the bully that he is right to vindicate his suffering by silencing or eliminating his enemy. In like manner, the victims have been told that they deserve to suffer for their differences.
The recent spate of suicides is a call to all people of faith to bless those who persecute -- to truly take the time to consider their suffering and how both society and the church can begin to ease it. When we put aside our own rage or need for revenge and instead bless the persecutor, compassion increases and violence and anger decrease. If we can find it in our hearts to bless instead of curse in these sorts of terrible, senseless situations, then the deaths of these young people will not have been in vain.
Follow Rev. Candace Chellew-Hodge on Twitter: www.twitter.com/revtheodyke
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Of course I could be so far off track that this post is just nonsense to the believer. That works both ways too I guess/
This kind of theology leads to unchecked violence. Bullies and the violent don't care if you bless them or not, as long as you let them do what they want to do. If you want to bless and understand them, fine, but first stop them from doing any more damage.
The only thing that can possibly occur, so that people of good conscience can say that the loss of these young peoples lives was not in vain, is when SCOTUS implements, not just their right to exist, but to exist freely, and with all the perks and privileges endowed by the constitution to the rest of us. Until then, we all live under the tyranny and shame of religion, congress, and SCOTUS.
Bless the victim, not the bully! I am not sure that the author recognized the paradox that she is proposing. The irony of this whole mess is that while the author calls for the blessing of the bully, the bully is being blessed by the unconstitutional disenfranchisment of the LGBL community. The bullies are running amuck with their irresponsible, dangerous, religious zealotry.
Blessing the bully is crippling our nation, as it has crippled all other nations for centuries. No hugs for thugs!
The constitution states that; Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion. The law must find no basis in religion, none. We don't have laws against murder because it is religion based, but because it behooves intelligent, good men to have such laws. There is no reasonable basis to deny the LGBT community their constitutional rights under the law, none.
Are you aware that this isn't just her idea? It's kind of a big thing for people in her line of work.
The monkly- quote was about practicing compassion, not *reversing the narrative,* not *saying it's the victims who are on yet another count 'spiritually-inadequate' or 'unjust.'
It is specifically, religion and it's zealotry that is now abusing the victim. The zealotry of religion is it's practitioners.
"The author does not trivialize her rage or desire for revenge; she recognizes it right up front"
The "recognizing it upfront" part is what makes it difficult to find.
"She does NOT suggest that victims are being unjust by denying forgiveness."
Here's what she said:
"No one goes through this life without suffering some manner of injustice"
"When our suffering is not compassionately recognized and given a full hearing, anger and violence are a likely result"
And she said this in the final paragraph:
"When we put aside our own rage or need for revenge and instead bless the persecutor, compassion increases and violence and anger decrease."
In summary: If victims put aside their rage and need for revenge and give the bullies a just hearing on their grievances, the bullies will be nice. That's all they're looking for. Justice. Who could be against justice?
No, you have value as a human being. God loves you. You have every right to be here. You have every right to demand to be loved, respected and treated decently. In twenty years, when the bullies are begging you for a job, exercise a little love if you choose . . . but for now, if you're being bullied, seek help. If the first people you speak to don't help, get on line and find help. Lots of people share your pain and have experienced what you're going through. You are not alone. Reach out and file charges. If your school isn't protecting you against the bullies, reach out. There are organizations that will actually file charges against your school system.
You are a child of the universe. You have a right to be here, no less than the moon and the stars . . . you are loved. . . . love yourself . . . there is absolutely NO REASON YOU SHOULD BLESS YOUR BULLIERS.
We cannot change the world. The founding fathers of the constitution recognized this fact; it is sad that their children, "we" have not done the same. What they did recognize was that an opportunity existed, for perhaps the first time in history, that a country could exist whereby it's children could live free of tyranny, specifically, religious tyranny. They recognized that without religious tyranny, but with just laws, mankind could form a more perfect union with the religion of their choice, if that is what they chose.
They recognized the right to be fully free of religion, and form a more perfect union with their state, if that is what one chose.
America has strayed far from it's course; the well being of it's citizentry. This was never thier intention.
Yes, when has passive resistance ever worked? Well except for the civil rights movement in America, the liberation of India by Gandhi, the fight to end Apartheid in South Africa ..........
Shall I go on?
By the way, noone is suggesting that people who are bullied should just let it happen. You are the one who brought up the idea of "lay down, get stomped on". That's your interpretation of the article.
In Roman times, hand-washing was not what it is today. You had a "clean" hand - usually the right. A slap would have been backhanded on the right cheek using the left hand. Jesus' call to "turn the [left] other also" would have presented the striker with a problem: A) strike with the "clean" hand (the one used for EATING) or B) make an awkward strike with the left hand on the left cheek, which would have been akin to punching. It was illegal for a Roman to punch a Jew, so this was a way of non-verbally "fighting back." The Roman would not want their "clean" hand dirty, and the Jew would have simultaneously pointed out the injustice of what the Roman had done to them.
It was roadside justice, and the Jews of the time understood it immediately. Sadly, we largely lost this context today, and the author above doesn't give us any idea of how we should, today, "bless" the bully. But I think we ought to "turn the other cheek, " and highlight bullying injustices.
It is not that forgiveness is irrational but turning the other cheek until one is battered bruised and broken is.
Also, as I remember, it is not to much after this verse that someone asks Jesus how many times they should forgive, to which he replies 7 x 70. That equals 490 times. The verse takes on a Laurel and Hardy like routine if one were to practice the admonition to turn the other cheek (forgive) as it has been taught; "whose on first" becomes "which cheek is next?" "I have slapped you so many times even I forget." To which the slapped is so numb, even he forgets.
People were often brutalized in ancient times; especially slaves, or the common people. A careful study of the times, the philosophies, and the intermingling of teachings, both justified and sanctioned such brutalties such as karma.
When do we tire of these things?
In the same section of Scripture, Jesus says to the Jews, "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles" (as in carry a burden or sack). The Romans had mile markers on their roads. They could only force a Jew to carry a pack for one mile. Forcing them to carry it longer was ILLEGAL. So if the Jew carried the pack WILLINGLY for two miles, he would have had the Roman BEGGING him to stop, because doing so was illegal. THAT would abe a true "Laurel and Hardy" routine, where the oppressor becomes the one begging the oppressed to "Please stop carrying my pack!!"
That's the point I'm making: We SHOULD point out the injustice of bullying, but without becoming bullies ourselves. Perhaps that's what the author meant by "bless those who persecute you" is to "carry their pack two miles" - but the problem is, no example was given.
We need our religious leaders to provide such examples for today's world, as it applies to the world we live
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_the_other_cheek#Literal_interpretation
This goes into much more detail, and make the point that "turning the other cheek" is active, nonviolent resistance, NOT being a doormat:
http://www.cres.org/star/_wink.htm
Again, please read first - these are important issues that really go to the core of Christianity, but that are not taught fully, or well. If it was the intent of the author of this post to make such a point, it was not made well or with examples that apply to today. In any case, a better understanding of the true meaning of "turn the other cheek" is extraordinarily beneficial, and I know for one that my wife has benefited from such a greater understanding.
Not to get too picky but, if I'm facing someone and I BACKHAND them across the face with my LEFT hand, wouldn't I be striking them on their LEFT cheek and not their right? It seems to me that backhanding them on the right cheek would be very awkward and ineffective, for reasons having nothing to do with this article.
Either way, the information you provide is very interesting.