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Rev. James Martin, S.J.

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12 Things I Wish I Knew at 25: Spiritual Learnings on My 50th Birthday

Posted: 12/30/10 10:28 PM ET

For a lark yesterday, on my 50th birthday, I Tweeted 12 things that I wish I had known at 25. Or more accurately, 12 things that, had I put them into action, would have made my life a lot easier. Some are bits of advice that wisdom figures have told me and took years to sink in. Others are the result of some hard knocks. A few are insights from the great spiritual masters that I've adapted for my own life. Maybe a few will help someone you know who's 25. Maybe one or two will help you.

1. First up: Stop worrying so much! It's useless. (I.e. Jesus was right.)

2. Being a saint means being yourself. Stop trying to be someone else and just be your best self. Saves you heartache.

3. There's no right way to pray, any more than there's a right way to be a friend. What's "best" is what works best for you.

4. Remember three things and save yourself lots of unneeded heartache: You're not God. This ain't heaven. Don't act like a jerk.

5. Your deepest, most heartfelt desires are God's desires for you. And vice versa. Listen. And follow them.

6. Within you is the idea of your best self. Act as if you were that person and you will become that person, with God's grace.

7. Don't worry too much about the worst that can happen. Even if it happens, God is with you, and you can handle it. Really.

8. You can't force people to approve of you, agree with you, be impressed with you, love you or even like you. Stop trying.

9. When we compare, we are usually imagining someone else's life falsely. So our real-life loses out. I.e. Compare and despair.

10. Even when you finally realized the right thing, or the Christian thing, to do, it can still be hard to do. Do it anyway.

11. Seven things to say frequently: I love you. Thank you. Thank you, God. Forgive me. I'm so happy for you! Why not? Yes.

12. Peace and joy come after asking God to free you -- from anything that keeps you from being loving and compassionate.

 
 
 
For a lark yesterday, on my 50th birthday, I Tweeted 12 things that I wish I had known at 25. Or more accurately, 12 things that, had I put them into action, would have made my life a lot easier. So...
For a lark yesterday, on my 50th birthday, I Tweeted 12 things that I wish I had known at 25. Or more accurately, 12 things that, had I put them into action, would have made my life a lot easier. So...
 
 
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07:32 AM on 01/06/2011
The Christian thing to do is not always the right thing to do.

The list is too big to post here.
10:52 PM on 01/06/2011
I would be interested in discussing this with you. What do you mean?
06:23 PM on 01/05/2011
This is a great list. But I have to think about No. 5 . . .
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Douglas Campbell
10:45 AM on 01/05/2011
No offense, but you are wrong. I am God, You are God. The Pope is God, Even My Dog is God. All life and consciences together are the organic material components of God, in a more scientific, spiritual , meaningful and eternal way than the recorded psychotic episodes of John the Baptist or a Greek groupie born 200 years after the death of his idol, whose conversations with said obsession have created the Greek Traditions (with no shared Judeo traditions at all) that we call "Christianity".

Now WAKE UP! Stop pretending and work towards greater enlightenment. The bible and Abrahamic religions are poison that blinds and makes it's users slowly insane but not before making them incapable of experiencing happiness other than short fleeting moments.

Don't you think the Middle East would be a more peaceful and friendly place if ANY of the Abrahamic religions were true?
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IsisCat
10:27 PM on 01/06/2011
Religion in and of itself is just a construct, it is human beings that choose or do not choose to put teachings into effect. And no offence, but the 'you are wrong' idea is at the heart of many human conflicts.

I believe that practicing what we preach is the best way forward in most situations. If you go beyond prejudices you carry with you into a reading of this list, you may find there's a lot there to agree with at the heart of it.
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Douglas Campbell
10:36 PM on 01/06/2011
Agreed
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David Briggs
10:16 AM on 01/05/2011
A lot of wisdom there, Jim. Thanks for sharing.
Wonder if we also need to be thinking about the vision we had at 25 that may have been lost over the years.
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Douglas Campbell
10:26 AM on 01/05/2011
I don't even remember where I put the car keys from last night.
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onionboy
Blessed are the Cheese Makers
03:29 PM on 01/04/2011
#15. For heaven's sake, moisturize!
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byla
08:27 AM on 01/04/2011
The only mantra any and everyone should follow is secular. It's called the Golden Rule.
kellygreen
"Ideology is the Science of Idiots" John Adams
08:15 AM on 01/03/2011
Thank you.
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03:37 AM on 01/03/2011
I have a problem with # 4, "You're not God."
Theology is not something that is freeze - dried.
God is taking the risk of being you!
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Douglas Campbell
01:40 PM on 01/05/2011
Exactly. It is a cop out to not assume the role of God, yet we must also see that potential in all living things.
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Indigo River
11:05 PM on 01/02/2011
Amazing. Great points!
03:43 PM on 01/03/2011
1 and 7 are essentially the same. 7 makes the assertion that God is with us in the worst of times. Hmm.. He might have been "with people" in the Asian tsunami, Haiti, Pakistan and now Australia but didn't help much. I dare say seeing one's family die in a tidal wave or in a cholera epidemic might put a different slant on things on whether or not one could "handle it."

2, 4, 6, and 9 essentially the same, ie: Be true unto yourself..

5 How do you know that Father? You assume that one's heartfelt desires would be acceptable to God.

10 Assumes only Christians know how to do the right thing. Nonsense.

3 Assumes that prayer works. There is no evidence of this whatsoever, in fact plenty of evidence against.

8 Probably some merit in that one.

11. Leave out the "thank you God" and the rest are fine. You would have to have evidence that God needed to be thanked. Not possible - only in your head.

12 Is that an assumption that one needs a God, who is omnipotent and omniscient, knows every thought, emotion, word and deed you will have or carry out for the whole of your life, to be asked to free you? Especially as he knew what you were going to ask him anyway? How does that work?

At age 25 Fr Martin might have got by with a list of 1: "don't believe in anything without evidence."
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Indigo River
04:43 PM on 01/03/2011
What is your problem?
06:20 PM on 01/05/2011
"He might have been 'with people' in the Asian tsunami, Haiti, Pakistan and now Australia but didn't help much."

How do you know? Do you mean that because He did not prevent these natural disasters He did not help people? That seems like a gross oversimplification to me.
11:49 AM on 01/02/2011
Jesus said, according to the Gospel of Thomas, no. (3)

That the most important thing to know , is to know who ones self is and that when one knows who ones self is, then; you will know that you are the sons and daughters of the living father. This means that you are God just as much as Jesus was God.

"But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."

All great teacher have said the same thing. In the Vedic tradition, it is Nirvikalpa samadhi.

This is the goal of any spiritual aspirant. After this all other goals are naturaly, effortlessly attained.

Jesus said; the kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it.
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Douglas Campbell
01:48 PM on 01/03/2011
Sounds like this Jesus fellow may have been a Buddhist.
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DavidEm
Politizane Wealth Inequality on YouTube
10:25 AM on 01/05/2011
LOL. Well put.
10:17 AM on 01/02/2011
All that I can say is that this list is brilliant. I will make a copy of this and post it near my desk at work. It will also be sermon seeds for this year. It will also be the basis for my own growth in faith and dealings with others. Thank you, rev. Martin. (I will also be using your latest book for inspiration.)
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DavidEm
Politizane Wealth Inequality on YouTube
06:28 AM on 01/02/2011
I wish I had realized that the Catholic Church had never developed a mechanism for admitting that ANY of the dogma it had accreted over the past 2,000 years was erroneous and based in a pre-scientific world view, and that until it did develop such a mechanism it could never be a spiritual home for self-respecting gay men and lesbians.
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Douglas Campbell
02:09 PM on 01/03/2011
I am not a Catholic apologist nor defender, but in 1992 they have "expressed regret" at "errors" the church made. The example I am using is for Galileo, who apparently now is a Catholic role model for ethics in science. So you are wrong, but be prepared to wait 400 years.
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DavidEm
Politizane Wealth Inequality on YouTube
09:58 AM on 01/05/2011
You're right. They did apologize for harshly persecuting Galileo for observing that the earth revolves around the sun, 400 years after the fact. A baby step in the right direction.
Hardly an MO at the Vatican, though.
I was thinking especially of the dogma concerning sexual morality, which seems to be predicated on the pre-scientific conception of human reproduction prevalent when it was pronounced upon. The belief was that there were actually TINY HUMANS swimming around in the male "contribution" (the female was just an incubator; still, if she didn't do that job properly, the result would be a female child). This resulted in the medieval scholastic teaching that in cest was morally preferable to (again, male) "self abuse" (I hope that term doesn't offend the delicate sensibilities of the Hufpo moderators), and the equivalent modern dogmatic absurdities.
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raker
08:39 PM on 01/01/2011
Good list, except for numbers 5 and 7. Number 5 could be the teabagger's motto. I prefer "Examine your deepest, most heartfelt desires, and keep an open mind. That thing of which you are absolutely certain could be all wrong. (See #4: Don't act like a jerk.)"

Number 7 trivializes human suffering. The worst thing that I could imagine happening to me is pretty bad. Even the bad but not worst things are pretty bad. Not all suffering can be risen above by bucking up.
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french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
12:31 AM on 01/02/2011
I agree - good list except for those. Someone's deepest desires may be horrible. And "the worst that can happen" - are we excluding appalling violence here? Rape? Torture? Murder? War? It's ridiculous to tell someone in those situations "you can handle it".
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thinkingwomanmillstone
great, green, globs of greasy grimey GOPerspeak.
05:10 PM on 01/02/2011
Number 7 is tied into that catholic ideal of suffering is a gift to God. Utter nonsense.
02:21 PM on 01/03/2011
That's a good point, but one's deepest desires need to be considered rationally and in light of a moral system.
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Eric N Davis
If a button needs pushing, I'll be there.
07:17 PM on 01/01/2011
Things I wish I would have known when I was a kid:

1 - The Bible, Qur'an, Book of Mormon, Baghavad Gita, etc. are all fairy tale books filled with fictional characters, in mythological settings, preaching contradictory messages.

2 - All the world's religions exist for two main purposes: (1) Take control of the mind and will of their unwiting victims, and (2) Make lots of money.

3 - When a person tells you, "This is god's will for you," what they really mean is, "This is what I think you should do."

4 - Prayer is how to do absolutely nothing but still think you are helping.

5 - When a person says, "God hates (insert bigotted reference here)," what they really mean is, "I am a hate filled ignorant bigot, and I'm going to pretend that my hate is backed by an authority figure to make my hate appear justified."

6 - when a person says, "God did it," what they really mean is, "I don't have a clue how that happened, and I'm too lazy and/or ignorant to do some research myself, so I'm just going to make up some bull$#!t answer to sound intelligent and authoritative."

7 - When a person says, "I know god is real," what they really mean is, "I hope if I keep saying this enough times, it will be true."
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raker
08:44 PM on 01/01/2011
I like.
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jbarelli
I don't belong to an organized political party.
10:03 PM on 01/01/2011
I had thought of deleting this, as it has nothing whatsoever to do with the article, but is simply a rant against religion in general. There may be places for that, but supposedly, we're discussing the article here.

However, I have noted that there are folks that have a burning desire to belittle any person of faith, and cannot resist the temptation to interject this "god is a myth" rant whenever any person of faith says anything.

The topic is "12 things I wish I knew at 25", You have made no attempt to directly address, either by agreement or disagreement, any of those things. You have, however, apparently decided that you can read the minds of every person of faith.

You do not know what Reverend Martin "really means", nor what anyone other than you "really means" when you say something.

Otherwise, it would be just as relevant and accurate for me to say that when an Atheist starts making inflammatory statements about religion, what they "really mean" isn't that they don't believe in God. What they "really mean" is that they do believe in God, they just don't want to.
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fjg
With Malice Toward None (nearly 85% of the time)
11:52 PM on 01/01/2011
Nice riposte to yet another condescending atheist who prowls the threads of the religion section not to comment on the articles, but to mock and deride people of faith.

Happy New Year to you.
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Eric N Davis
If a button needs pushing, I'll be there.
12:08 AM on 01/02/2011
You need to moderate more of Daleri Rileda's posts here. They have nothing to do with the original article at all. Mine shared the same theme as the author of this article, " Things I wish I knew when I was younger," so my post was completely relevant.

You say "rant" I say "calling a duck a duck."

And I do know what Christians "really mean" when they say certain things, because I was a Christian for nearly 30 years. I said those same things to people with the same intentions.
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SolarArray
Republican = Trash America, Any Cost
05:27 PM on 01/01/2011
"Your deepest, most heartfelt desires are God's desires for you"

Really? I thought God has some pretty bad desires:

- God tells Abram to kill some animals for him. The needless slaughter makes God feel better. 15:9-10
- God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah by raining "fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family. 19:24
- God orders Abraham to kill Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham shows his love for God by his willingness to murder his son. But finally, just before Isaac's throat is slit, God provides a goat to kill instead. 22:2-13

Lots more of that out there.
kellygreen
"Ideology is the Science of Idiots" John Adams
09:10 AM on 01/03/2011
Is this is the true nature of God...?

Or just what the human level of understanding of the nature of God in the early days of the Agricultural Revolution?

In my experience people see a God that reflects their view of the world. Those who see the world through the eyes of fear and judgement....see a God whose favor must be curried. A vindictive God who rewards His followers and punishes His enemies.

Those who see the world through the eyes of compassion and respect...see a God who is loving. A non-judgmental God who loves us unconditionally, but (like a good parent) is not willing to rescue us from the consequences of our actions and choices. A God that does not punish us for our "sins"...but one who allows us to be punished BY them. So that we can learn from them.