04/10/2006 07:52 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

April 10 News Update

Scooter Libby says President Bush leaked classified information to bolster support for War in Iraq. Commander-in-Chief now Leaker-in-Chief?

Didn't the President once say he would fire anyone who leaked classified information? Didn't really mean it. Besides, the White House says it's not classified if the President says it's not classified. Just as illegal eavesdropping is not illegal if the President says it's not illegal. And war is peace.

Vermont Democrats urge Congress to begin impeachment proceedings against Bush. Are they crazy? Don't they know who's the Vice President?

Special Prosecutor's office says Cheney was at the center of a concerted effort to discredit Amb. Joseph Wilson after he exposed Administration lies. Too bad the Veep dodged military service. He would have made a good Petty Officer.

Know why Tom DeLay avoided service in Vietnam? Said there were so many minority volunteers, there was no room for white guys!

DeLay said he's "excited" about resigning from Congress and looking to the future. At least he didn't say he wanted to spend more time with his family. And if you want to say The Hammer Got Nailed, go right ahead.

Congressional colleagues praise DeLay's "honor and integrity." Now you know what the Republicans meant when they said they would restore honor and integrity to government.

News of ex-exterminator DeLay's resignation not disturbing to Texas cockroaches. They figure he'll continue dealing with cockroaches in Washington.

Katie Couric to be first solo female anchor on evening news. Also first evening news anchor to be described as "perky."

Advice to Katie: Real short skirts and "real boobs" lines won't work on the evening news.

First female anchor presages first female President? No, Condi, not you.

Newspaper feature extols Rice's musical talent, points out she once considered career as pianist. Music's loss is diplomacy's much greater loss.

New York Times lead story headline on Friday: "Senate Leaders Announce a Deal on Immigration." Oops.

Massive demonstrations planned for Monday to show support for immigration reform. Turnout questionable if word gets out that INS will be checking for green cards.

Will reform include a provision that you don't have to press #1 on the telephone to speak English in the United States, an ostensibly English-speaking country?

Scientists think they may have found the "missing link."

Proponents of intelligent design want to know when it went missing.

Recently discovered long-lost documents suggest Jesus Christ asked Judas to betray him so he could become a martyr. Historians now looking into reports that Julius Caesar asked Brutus to stab him so he could become immortalized in crossword puzzles forever with the words, "Et tu, Brutus."

New York Post embroiled in scandal over Page Six gossip pages. What? Can't believe what you read in the New York Post? If you can't trust the Post, who can you trust?

Never mind.

Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney apologizes for striking a Capitol Cop who didn't recognize her because she wasn't wearing her ID pin and then tried to stop her from entering the Capitol. Race card trumped.

Baseball season opens and fan throws syringe at feet of Barry Bonds. Totally unnecessary. He has plenty of his own.