President Obama goes to New York to promote financial reform legislation, tells audience of bankers Greed is Not Good. Bankers react as though they'd just been asked to refinance a mortgage.
Obama appeals to Wall Street to cooperate in efforts at financial reform. Wall Street's idea of "cooperation" is to spend $500 milliion in lobbying efforts opposing reform legislation.
NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg responds Greed Is Good for city's economy. How else are NYC restaurants going to sell those $500 bottles of wine?
Senate Agricultural Committee approves bill to regulate derivatives. Agricultural Committee? Derivatives? It's well know nobody understands derivatives, but is corn somehow involved here? Wheat? Soybeans? Or maybe just pigs.
Sen. Charles Grassley, Republican of Iowa, supports bill. What? A Republican voting Yes? How long before he's drummed out of the party?
Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell tsk-ed credit for forcing bipartisan negotiations on issue. Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd said that's like a rooster taking credit for the sunrise. Hey, a good line is a good line.
Two Democratic Senators propose breaking up mega-banks, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan and Bank of America, which have $7.2 Trillion in assets, about 52% of GDP. Enough of "Too big to fail." How about Not Too Big to Go to Jail?
Arizona passes harsh anti-illegal immigrant legislation, harshly criticized by civil libertarians. Perhaps bad immigration policy is better than no immigration policy at all.
Obama goes to West Virginia to honor victims of major mine disaster, calls for greater mine safety measures. Could that mean paying more attention to 515 safety violations affected mine had in 2009, 57 violations already this year?
Mine Workers Union President says CEO of Massey, owner of mine where fatal explosion occurred, should go to jail. Maybe that would make mine owners pay more attention to correcting violations.
Internal investigation shows that 33 employees of watchdog agency Securities and Exchange Commission spent most of their time watching internet porn stars screwing each other instead of Wall Street screwing public. Who knew "Debbie Does Dallas" helped cause the financial crisis and the Great Recession?
One SEC porn addict defended his actions by asking what's the difference between watching porn and the activities of Goldman Sachs?
More than half of the porn watchers made over $100k per year. Plus benefits -- like being able to download porn on government computers. Note to SEC: For less than $100k a year, you can hire an IT guy to prevent this sort of thing.
President Obama calls for end to manned space flight. Damn! Just when we were about to waste billions of dollars on landing a man on Mars. How about this? Abolish do-nothing NASA, which has become nothing more than a jobs agency for states with influential US Senators, and turn it into agency for developing alternative fuels.
And now, the Show Biz News Update:
South Park cartoon show depicts Prophet Muhammad in bear costume. NY-based extremist Muslim group threatens producers. Yo, Muslims, where in the Koran does it say Muhammad can't be depicted in a bear costume?
NBC News shows loss of $223 million on Winter Olympics. That'll teach'em to show all that curling.
On Today Show, Meredith Viera calls Matt Lauer "Mark." Early sign of Newsheimer's Disease? Or verification of how forgettable Lauer is?
Donald Trump says Tiger Woods' marriage is kaput. Hey, Airhead, your show is "The Celebrity Apprentice," not "The Marriage Ref."
Political hack Donna Brazile, Gore's campaign manager in 2000, says she thinks Larry King is a "hottie." Provides more insight into why Gore lost. Maybe she's angling to become wife #25.
Overseas Press Club gives Andy Rooney Lifetime Achievement Award. That's what happens when you outlive your peers. Next up, Helen Thomas.
Ben Stein, recently fired by New York Times for "conflict of interest," reappears as columnist for Bloomberg News. Thus immediately re-establishing himself as media's most boring, least interesting commentator.
Overseas Press Club gives Andy Rooney Lifetime Achievement Award. That's what happens when you outlive your peers. Next up, Helen Thomas.
Ben Stein, recently fired by New York Times for "conflict of interest," reappears as columnist for Bloomberg News. Thus immediately re-establishing himself as media's most boring, least interesting commentator.
NFL Commissioner suspends Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlinsberger for six games without pay for violating league's personal conduct policy. But will that be enough to teach Big Ben not to drink and rape?
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