Ralph (Harold Stassen) Nader hits new nadir, throws his ego into the ring again, announces he's crawling for President. VP candidate will be the Tooth Fairy.
Barack Obama wins 11 primaries in a row. Hillary stuck in secondaries.
Ted Kennedy, campaigning for Obama, "sings" in Massachusetts-accented Spanish. There goes the Latino vote.
Academy Award for Best Picture goes to No Country for Old Men. John McCain's reaction: (Expletive deleted).
New York Times intimates intimate relationship between McCain and much younger blonde lobbyist. That should help him with the Clinton vote (Bill, that is).
Conservative website denounces McCain as "Geraldo Rivera Republican." Now that's dirty politics.
McCain advisers say he's not yet focusing on running mate. Dan Quayle not on short list.
Former President George H.W. Bush endorses McCain. Well, that'll certainly help him overcome Conservative opposition. McCain promises no new taxes. Wesley Snipes applauds.
Mike Huckabee says brokered convention still possible. Why's he talking about the Democrats?
Michelle Obama says "For the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country." Obviously going for the Dixie Chicks vote.
Ben and Jerry endorse Barack Obama...plan to introduce new flavor, MeBama, UBama.
Pentagon claims missile shot down falling spy satellite. How long before we find out satellite had self-destructing mechanism?
Fidel Castro resigns as dictator after 49 years in power. CIA boasts we told you we'd get rid of that guy.
Italian Bishops urge actors to shun sex scenes. Hey guys, what about priests?
Florida pastor challenges married couples to have sex every day for a month. Must be investor in Viagra.
Montel Williams retiring. Can now watch Maury Povich and Jerry Springer.
National poll shows most Americans will use stimulus package benefits to pay off debt or increase savings. Sell!
The Green Monkey, horse bought for $16 Million at auction, retired after three races with earnings of $10,000. Moral: Don't drink and bid.