President Bush jogs at White House with two soldiers who lost legs in Iraq on day special committee calls for better care for wounded veterans, who have been mistreated by Bush Administration. Spokesman says coincidence. Tacky is more like it.
Attorney General Gonzo vows to remain on job following contentious Senate committee hearing. How do you say Peter Principle in Spanish?
Neocon Pentagon aide accuses Sen. Hillary Clinton of aiding enemy by asking for Iraqi withdrawal plans. Touchy touchy. Enemy really aided by Pentagon incompetence in Iraq.
Democratic Senator Russ Feingold plans to introduce censure motions against Bush, VP Cheney and others in the administration. Majority Leader Reid says motion unnecessary since American people have already marked Bush as "worst President in history." Clever way of saying censure motion wouldn't pass anyway.
Sen. John McCain has new campaign manager, new spokesperson and new chief fund-raiser. Their name is John McCain.
McCain now carrying own baggage through airports. Hey, it worked for Jimmy Carter.
Columnist Robert Novak has new book, The Prince of Darkness--50 Years of Reporting in Washington. When Novak wrote the Evans and Novak column with Rowland Evans, it was known in Washington as "Errors and No Facts."
Mobil reports record earnings. Love that $3/gallon gas.
Starbucks raising prices. Who do they think they are--an oil company?
NASA admits astronauts flew missions while drunk. Who do they think they are--Northwest Airlines?
Ford surprises investment community by reporting first quarterly profit in two years. Yeah, but how many times can they sell off Aston-Martin?
Medical magazine reports obesity is contagious. Sure, and masturbation causes warts.
Game-fixing in NBA, steroids in MLB, dog-fighting in NFL, murder/suicide in the WWE, doping in the Tour de France. Sports pages as Front Pages.
David Beckham comes to America. But America still not likely to bend to soccer.
Lindsay Lohan in trouble again. With apologies to Franklin Pierce Adams (Tinkers to Evers to Chance)...Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble, Hilton to Lohan to Spears.