May 24, 2010, News Update

05/25/2010 05:03 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011


Gulf of Mexico oil spill has one-month anniversary. Isn't it about time somebody realizes BP doesn't know B(lee)P about stopping the leak. Nor is BP up to the clean-up.

Obama Administration coming under fire for not doing more...Don't just do something, Mr. President! Stand there!

Late night comics haven't had this much fun since Exxon Valdez.

BP CEO Tony Hayward says spill is "relatively tiny" in "very big ocean." And you people of people who are losing your livelihood and seeing your beaches and wetlands're just relatively tiny thousands in a world population of several billion....

Here's an idea, BP: How about free gas at all your Louisiana stations until oil spill cleaned up? You're probably not going to be able to sell it anyway...

White House holds state dinner for Mexican President Felipe Calderon. Considered a success. No crashers.

White House serves Mexican food...Hey chef, don't you think he gets enough of that at home? Let's go with ribs and fried chicken next time.

Calderon again criticizes Arizona's anti-illegal immigration law. But Mexicans in Arizona couldn't understand him-He spoke in English.

Attorney General Eric Holder threatens to challenge Arizona law, admits he hasn't read it. Not to feel embarrassed, General, lotsa laws passed by Congress haven't been read by people in Washington either....

Arizona Senators demand apology from State Department official who expressed regret over Arizona law during talks with visiting Chinese delegation about human rights violations. Sen. McCain said comparing Arizona to what happens regularly in China is "outrage." You're probably right, John, but Arizona doesn't hold billions of dollars of American debt.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich writes in new book that Obama Administration and Democrats in Congress are "secular-Socialist machine" that represents greater threat to US than Hitler or Stalin. Newt, you been drinking too much tea. But we get it -- you're running for President.

Tea Party candidate Rand Paul, son of Ron, wins Republican nomination for Senate in Kentucky. And you thought Kentucky couldn't possibly come up with a worse representative than Jim Bunning. At least Bunning had a fast ball.

Paul disputes provision of Civil Rights Act of 1964 giving Federal Government right to impose discrimination guidelines on private businesses. But he came out strongly against slavery.

Faux News anchor John Stossel went even further, calling for repeal of 1964 law pertaining to business. Was he this moronic at ABC?...Or is there something in the water coolers at Fox Noise?

Director of National Intelligence fired. We have National Intelligence?

Election Day: Republican Sen. turned Democrat Arlen Specter defeated in Pennsylvania. Also in Pennsylvania, Democrat wins special election to replace John Murtha. Tea Party candidate wins GOP nomination in Kentucky. What to make of all this? Whatever you want. Pundidiotcy gone wild.

Good news for Republicans: Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid appears to be trailing in bid for re-election in Nevada. Bad news for Republicans: He might be replaced by NY Sen. Chuck Schumer, described in Washington Post as "razor-elbowed, shamelessly self-promoting, media-addicted political monster." C'mon Post, what do you really think about him?

Texas State Board of Education revises school textbooks as though written by Strom Thurmond. One example: The slave trade will be referred to as the "Atlantic Triangular Trade." Books may be made into movie sequel: "Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest."

President Obama lobbying to get hoops superstar LeBron James to go to Chicago. Chicagoans hoping he does better than he did with Olympic Games. New York Magazine headline: "Welcome to New York, LeBron." Welcome to Wishful Thinking, New York.

Venus Williams shows up at French Open wearing outfit more appropriate for a cancan chorus line. Maybe she'll play next match at Place Pigalle. Or show up for finals in bikini.....

Miss Michigan Rima Fakih becomes first Muslim woman to be crowned Miss USA. She really wowed'em in the burka-wearing competition.

Final episode of Lost aired. If you still don't understand what was going on, don't worry. Cliff notes will be out this summer.