New Year Resolutions 2007 (Delayed)

01/05/2007 12:20 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

President Bush: I resolve to finish my "listening tour," then "surge" in Iraq and come up with a new way of saying "Stay the Course."

Vice President Cheney: I resolve to (Interrupted by Henry Whittington: I resolve never ever to go hunting with Dick Cheney again).

Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld: I resolve to write a book explaining why, in Dick Cheney's words, I was the finest Secretary of Defense this country has ever had.

SecDef Robert Gates: I resolve not to be Donald Rumsfeld.

Condoleezza Rice: I resolve to work on my golf game, since I don't seem to be doing much of anything else.

(Fill in the Blank) I resolve to start running for President.

Saddam Hussein: I resolve (Oops, never mind).

Vladimir Putin: I resolve to find more innovative ways to eliminate opponents.

Pope Benedict XVI: I resolve to get a new speechwriter.

Kim Jong Il: I resolve to give up my nuclear weapons program if Donald Trump will consult with me on a new hair style.

Donald Trump: I resolve to find out what's wrong with all those people out there who don't like me--or my hair.

Time Magazine: I resolve not to cop out on the Person of the Year in 2007.

Israel: We resolve to renew the Peace Process, except for maybe a new settlement here or there.

Iran's President Ahmadenijad: I resolve to prove that World War I was a myth.

Madonna: I resolve to adopt Angelina Jolie.

Congressional Democrats: We resolve'll let you know.

Incoming Chairman of House Intelligence Committee Silvestre Reyes: I resolve to find out who Hezbollah is -also that Osama guy.

Rosie O'Donnell: I resolve to continue avoiding controversy on The View.

Mel Gibson: I resolve to make my next movie in Yiddish.

Michael Richards: I resolve to get a part in Mel Gibson's next movie.

Britney Spears: I resolve to open a charge account at Victoria's Secret."

Paris Hilton: I resolve to continue being a role model for young women everywhere.

Taco Bell: We resolve to take spinach off the menu.

Sylvester Stallone: I resolve not to make Rocky VII....unless.

Ann Coulter: Same as last year--to write another outrageous work of fiction.

OJ Simpson: I resolve to write a book that ---Who Cares?