News Update for Aug. 28

President Bush and Lance Armstrong go biking together. Tour de Ranch? They've bonded as biking buddies because of a common link to their past--They've both been accused of doping.

Iraqis fail to agree on a Constitution despite personal plea from Bush. They apparently did not want to move their Constitutional Convention to Philadelphia.

Negotiations on Constitution break down because of Sunni Arab resistance. Pat Robertson got any thoughts on that?

Robertson called for assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Christianity at its most evangelical. Robertson later apologized for his remarks, after Jerry Falwell told him Chavez was not gay and had nothing to do with 9/11.

Report by CIA Inspector General faults top CIA officials, including former Director George Tenet, for intelligence failures prior to 9/11. Yeah, but "Slam Dunk" Tenet has a Presidential Medal of Freedom, and you don't.

Palestinians take control of Gaza Strip, but Hamas vows to continue violence against Israelis. Which recalls the quip that the Palestinians never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens criticizes recent Court decisions, including some he supported. What will really make news is when Uncle Clarence criticizes an opinion written by Massa' Antonin.

Actor Christopher Walken has announced plans to run for President in 2008. Of the US. That's bad casting. Harrison Ford for President. Walken for Secretary of Defense.

Sen. John McCain also announced that he's running for President in 2008. You missed that? It came in the form of his endorsement for teaching the "intelligent design" theory of evolution in school.

Walter Reed Hospital to be closed in Washington, DC. It suffered from a fatal case of NPS--No Political Support.

Meanwhile, Ellsworth AFB in South Dakota was removed from the base closings list after heavy-duty lobbying by freshman Sen. Jim Thune, who just happened to defeat former Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle last Nov. Another non-political decision.

The Miss America beauty pageant, er, I mean, The Miss America Scholarship Program for Women is leaving Atlantic City. Gives whole new meaning to the song, "There she goes....Miss America....."