President Bush: I resolve to read more newspapers and watch more TV so I'll know what's going on in Iraq.
Vice President Cheney: It's none of your damn business what I resolve.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld: I resolve to keep at it in Iraq 'til I get it right so I can do better in Iran.
Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice: I resolve to try to be relevant in 2006.
Sen. Hillary Clinton: I resolve to focus on running for re-election to the Senate in 2006, for re-election to the Senate, for re-election to the Senate, for.....
Rep. Tom DeLay: I resolve to get that SOB Texas DA who's persecuting me by redistricting him right out of a job.
Sen. Bill Frist: I resolve to learn what a blind trust is.
Martha Stewart: I resolve to learn what insider trading is.
Former Michael Brown: I resolve to do a heckuva job in my next place of employment, wherever it may be.
Fed Chairman nominee Ben Bernancke: I resolve to work at becoming more obscure in my language in order to replace Alan Greenspan more effectively.
DNC Chairman Howard Dean: I resolve to have a gear shift installed between mouth and brain.
Former NY Times reporter Judith Miller: I resolve to get better sources.
Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward: I resolve to remember what my sources tell me.
Columnist Bob Novak: I resolve to give up journalism and join Fox News.
Columnist Bill O'Reilly: I resolve to give up loofahs.
Scooter Libby: I resolve to stop talking to reporters.
Karl Rover: I resolve to stop talking to Scooter Libby.
Saddam Hussein: I resolve to continue being President of Iraq, no matter what those American infidels say.
Hosni Mubarek: I resolve to continue being President of Egypt, no matter how many free elections it takes.
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad: I resolve to hire O.J. Simpson to find the killer of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Harari.
NASA: We resolve to keep the space shuttle boondoggle going, no matter how much it costs.
Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevy: I resolve to get work as a cowboy.
Jessica Simpson: I resolve not to watch any reruns of "Newlyweds."
Tom Cruise: I resolve to buy His and Hers sofas when the baby's born.
Russell Crowe: I resolve to get a cell phone that can reach Australia.