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Nov. 3, 2008, News Update

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Nation prepares for history-making election on Tuesday. New history: Country elects black guy as President. Old history: Country elects white guy as President.

Political pundidiots overwhelmingly predict Obama victory. Conservative commentator Fred Barnes says McCain will win. Hey, why not take a shot? Hero if you're right. Nobody will remember you were wrong.

Quick-Who's President of the United States? Right, George W. Bush. Anybody seen him lately? Campaign appearances for McCain: Zero, zip, nada, goose egg. Guess he's too busy working on his legacy.

Bush not even voting in public...voted by absentee ballot. He's lying as low as his approval ratings.

Dick Cheney does make campaign appearance-for Obama! New Obama ad shows Cheney endorsing McCain/Palin. Somewhere Dan Quayle is laughing.

Joe the Plumber now featured in McCain campaign. According to Stephen Colbert, the Joe who's really featured is Joe the McCarthy.
Democrats claim McCain should be campaigning with Joe the Hedge Fund Manager.

Joe the Plumber a no-show at McCain rally in Ohio. Off plotting congressional run in 2010? Could make a "crack" candidate.....Will RNC buy him new jeans?

Saturday Night Live rooting for Palin/McCain win....Ratings, ratings, ratings.

Obama presents prime time infomercial during final week of campaign. But didn't even offer a good deal on knife set. Where's Ron Popeil when you need him?

Infomercial wins prime time ratings for night. NBC considering offering Obama weekly show if he loses. Or even if he wins.

McCain staffers complain about Palin straying from campaign message. Straying? Not following herd? Could it be she's a....a....Maverick? Or Maverette? Get ready for 2012 on Wednesday.

Largest newspaper in Alaska endorses Obama. Aww, they just want to keep their Sarah as Governor.

Hallowe'en observed during final week of presidential campaign. Scariest costume? Sarah Palin as Vice President.

Canadian prankster fools Palin into thinking she was having conversation with French President Sarkozy. Actually, she was expecting a call from Russian Prime Minster Putin wondering if she's seen him lately from her home.

Sen. Norm Coleman follows custom and sues opponent in final weeks of campaign, this time for defamation of character. Al Franken supporters point out it's for defamation of alleged character.

Whoever thought two Jews born in Brooklyn would be running against one another for US Senator from Minnesota?

Alaska Ted Stevens found guilty of corruption, but tells Alaska newspaper he's not been "convicted of anything." Huh? Or maybe he thinks that's what all those internet tubes are saying.

Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid says Stevens cannot continue to serve in Senate. Alaska voters will probably take care of that.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg wins approval to run for third term despite term limits. Bill Clinton asks, How can I do that?

CBS reports third quarter loss of $12Billion. Who do they think they are, an automobile company?

While Chrysler and GM explore merger, Ford says it will go it alone. Means they don't need any help in going bankrupt.

Sign of the times: Hootie and the Blowfish performed at major Wall Street bash last year. This year? Harlem Boys' Choir.

Philadelphia Phillies defeat Tampa Bay Rays in World Serious. Anybody outside of Philadelphia and Tampa Bay watch?