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Sept. 20, 2010, News Update

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SEPT. 20, 2010, NEWS UPDATE

Mad Hatter voters propel Tea Party to surprise victories in Primary Elections. And don't you dare call elections a tempest in a teapot.

Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell springs upset winover Rep. Max Castle in Delaware GOP Senate race. Guess Max's home won't be his castle in DC.

O'Donnell a Sarah Palin look-alike. Unfortunately for Republicans, also a Sarah Palin sound-alike.

Republican strategist/commentator Karl Rove criticizes O'Donnell for "nutty things" she has said in past, adds "This is not a race we're going to win." Obviously not his cup of Tea.

Rove also suggests O'Donnell does not "evince characteristics of rectitude, truthfulness and sincerity of character." Takes one to know one.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs cites Rove at White House briefing. Gibbs citing Rove? Talk about strange bedfellows.

Rove also says O'Donnell must explain her comment that she "dabbled in witchcraft" at one point. Dabbling in witchcraft would seem to make her ideal candidate to join GOP contingent in US Senate.

On other hand, if she incurs wrath of Rove, maybe she's not all bad.

O'Donnell shown opposing masturbation in old MTV interview. That would appear to be losing proposition with voters, hands-down. And if you're against masturbation, why would you want to serve in the Senate?

Bulletin!!!! We interrupt this News Update to bring you breaking news. House Minority Leader John Boehner says he might be willing to compromise on contentious issue of Bush-era tax cuts. Did you hear that? Compromise! And you thought the word had been expunged from the Republican lexicon.

Turns out Boehner had momentary attack of sanity....backtracks after criticism from fellow Republicans and expressions of GOP Senate opposition to compromise. Now that's more like it.

In New York, conservative Carl Paladino, who's slightly to the right of Attila The Hun, wins Republican nomination for Governor, suits conservative voters to a Tea. Interviewed by NY Times reporter with pit bull Duke at his feet. Careful with your questions, Mr. Reporter.

"Throw the bums out" motif in primaries stalls in New York, where Cong. Charles Rangel wins nomination for re-election to House. Now it's up to House to throw the bum out.

New York primaries marred by chaos in polling places...described by NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg as "royal screw-up." Who do they think they are, Iraq?

Rare tornados rip through parts of New York City. Bloomberg asks, "Hey Toto, are we in Kansas?"

President Obama shows up at news conference without wedding ring. White House says it was sent out for "repair." Guys, don't try this at home.

Obama makes rare Sunday appearance at church in Washington. Yeah, but how come he took off his shoes before going in?

French ban Muslim women's wearing of burka. Will certainly make it easier for them to eat spaghetti in public.

Fidel Castro admits Cuba's communist economic model doesn't work. Slow learner.

When will US admit its Cuban policy doesn't work either? Slower learner.

Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert announce plans for big Washington rally.....copy cats, copy cats. Somewhere Glenn Beck is smiling.

Mexican Independence Day celebrated. Hah! And you thought it was Cinco de Mayo. Get your tacos straight, folks. Mexico won independence from Spain 200 years ago. Now trying to win independence from drug cartels. So far, losing battle.

Arizona celebrates by declaring independence from illegal aliens.

Benedict XVI visits Great Britain, first trip there in 500 years. Just wanted to show them Catholic Church hasn't changed.

Hurricane Igor slams into Bermuda. Aren't hurricanes bad enough without naming them Igor? And why do we give them people's names anyway....to humanize them?

BP declares blown-out oil well in Gulf of Mexico "effectively dead." Like its reputation.

Newscaster Edwin Newman, he of the bushy arched eyebrows and dour coutenance, dies at age 91. Someone once said TV news would be taken seriously when there was a female anchor who looked like Ed Newman.

Delta flight from Amsterdam to Newark canceled because of drunken pilot in cockpit. Ho hum.....dog bites man...Next week----high school teacher arrested for having sex with teen-aged student.