Sept. 25 News Update

09/25/2006 12:07 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

UN General Assembly reconvenes in NY. President Bush bashes Iran. Iran bashes US. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calls Bush "the devil." Next year's session to be held at Friars Club.

Chavez also says Bush "The Devil" left behind the smell of sulphur. Was he making a fart joke?

During speech, Chavez recommends Noam Chomsky's "Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance." Sales soar. Bush not expected to read it until he finishes collected works of Shakespeare.

Pakistani President ducks question during American TV interview, saying answer will be in forthcoming book. Hopes Chavez will hype it at next UN meeting.

Iranian President stayed at Waldorf-Astoria, never made it to Katz's Deli for corned beef on rye.

Prime Minister of Thailand ousted by military coup while at UN. CIA says you could confuse Thai-land with I-ran.

UN intelligence agencies claim War in Iraq has created new wave of Islamic terrorists. That assessment so far missing from Bush campaign speeches.

Source of outbreak of e-coli in bagged spinach being investigated. Suspects include little kids and broccoli farmers. Cheney links it to 9/11.

Pope says he's sorry his words about Muhammed offended Muslims. Don't they know he's infallible?

20th Century Fox creates new division, FoxFaith, to make religious-oriented movies appealing to Christians. Muslims have not yet rioted in the streets.

Senate candidate George Allen blows a gasket when asked about Jewish heritage. Hey, George, Mel Gibson can't vote in Virginia.

New Jersey ex-governor Jim McGreevy writes book about being gay, goes on tour. Dem. Sen. Bob, Menendez, running for re-election, wants to know why he couldn't have waited until Nov. 8.

New York City Mayor Bloomberg says he's not going to run for President as an Independent despite speculation. Besides, isn't there a height requirement?

Oprah suing to stop fan from promoting her as candidate for President. She knows she won't get the hip-hop vote.

Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder makes multi-million dollar deal with Tom Cruise's production company. Better he should get a quarterback.

Keith Richards says he's giving up drugs because the quality has declined. Don't tell Willie Nelson.

Israeli tourist brochure mistranslates phrase "Jerusalem: There's no city like it," as "Jerusalem: There's no such city." That's what they get for trying to save money by hiring Hezbollah translators.

Starbucks raises prices, cuppa coffee now costs more than gallon of gasoline. Bush calls for end to dependence on foreign caffeine.

Researchers discover sharks that walk upright. That's news? Aren't they called lawyers?

New definition of news in China. Man bites panda.