Republican Leaders unveil "Pledge to America" campaign agenda to show they're not "The Party of No." What it really shows is that they're "The Party of No New Ideas." Pledge is recycled sludge of GOP's 1994 Contract with America." You Republicans must think we're too stupid to remember... You're probably right.
Boehner himself also recycled... He defends new Pledge with same words he used to defend old Contract. Hey, Mr. Minority Leader, you ever heard of television tape archives?
Republican strategist (read attack dog) Karl Rove raising millions of dollars to fund campaign attack ads against Democrats. Guess the statute of limitations ran out on the stake through the heart.
Iranian President Ahmadinejad gives speech at UN claiming United States was complicit in 9/11 attacks. He would also have blamed the US for the Holocaust -- if there had been a Holocaust.
President Obama denounces remarks as "vile... hateful... offensive..."
Good words but they could use some passion, Mr. President.
Members of the Iranian Parliament's human rights commission (oxymoron) condemn execution of Virginia woman convicted of planning murder of her husband. Meanwhile, woman in Iran convicted of adultery condemned to death by stoning. How do you say chutzpah in Farsi?
Dog bites man dept. -- Israel lifts suspension on building of settlements in occupied Palestinian territory in defiance of US and rest of civilized world. Yet they ask Palestinians to continue negotiations despite spitting in their face. They know how to say chutzpah in several languages. MEPP (Middle East Peace Process -- yet another oxymoron) once again a MESS, as in mess.
Shocking new poll results show super-conservative Carl Paladino, Republican nominee for Governor of NY, within 6 points of Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, son of former Gov. Mario Cuomo. Paladino once sent e-mail of "Obama's Inauguration Rehearsal" showing tribal dancing in Africa. And you thought Gov. Paterson was bad.
Paterson, often lampooned on Saturday Night Live, appeared on show Saturday Night and participated in the merriment. If you can't beat'em, join'em.
Late night satirist Stephen Colbert testifies on immigration reform before House committee in Washington. Don't we have enough comedians in Washington without importing more?
FBI reports 5% decline in national crime rate-not counting Wall St., Washington DC or Illinois politics.
BULLETIN! We interrupt this News Update to bring you a news update. Economic experts declare the recession is officially over. Millions of unemployed Americans thrilled to get the news. "Economic experts"? Oxymoron squared.
Larry Summers leaving as chief White House economic adviser. Don't look now, but since John Boehner called on Obama to fire his economic team, Summers is leaving, Budget Director Peter Orzag resigned... following earlier resignation of Chairman of Council of Economic Advisers Christina Romer. If Summers goes, can Geitner be far behind?
Summers leaves as summer ends... foreshadowing voters' autumn of discontent?
Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu, a Democrat no less, holding up Obama's nomination of Jack Lew to be new Budget Director until President lifts ban on deep water drilling for oil. In Washington, that's known as Senatorial privilege... To the rest of us, it's known as blackmail.
Congressional Democrats decide to put off vote on extending Bush tax cuts until after November elections. Looks like it's shaping up as lame ducks versus fat cats.
Former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan says tax cuts should not be extended. Considering his participation in the financial meltdown, does anybody pay attention to what he says any more?
News from the Wonderful World of the Business of Show.
Mark Zuckerberg, billionaire founder and CEO of Facebook, donates $1million (over 5 years) to Newark schools... says it has nothing to do with imminent release of movie The Social Network, depicting him as arrogant sex-obsessed jerk who betrays everybody in sight. OK, Mark, if you say so. But we still see you as an arrogant, self-absorbed jerk who screwed all his friends.
Zuck out of Luck. Jeff Zucker, who Zucked-up as head of NBC Universal, fired by Comcast which taking over NBCU. Ran out of jobs to fall up to. But certainly a principled executive-as in Peter Principle.
Lady Gaga shows up at awards ceremony wearing costume made of fresh meat. Take that, Madonna! Liberace, wherever he is, wondering why he never thought of that.
Liberace Museum in Las Vegas closing. Where will Vegas visitors go now for their culture fix?
Pop singer and actress (?) Lindsay Lohan sent back to jail by exasperated judge for failing drug test. No prison clout, however... she didn't even get Paris Hilton's old cell, currently occupied by a so-called reality TV star nobody's heard of.
Meanwhile, Hilton denied entry to Japan because of previous drug conviction. Her explanation that she was merely trying to publicize her new line of gum didn't work.
Bristol Palin (you all know who she is, right?) appears on Dancing With The Stars. George Lopez says she danced the cha cha so well she's now barred from entering Arizona.
Meanwhile, mother Sarah is Dancing with the Pols, making speech in Iowa (you know, Iowa, as in first presidential primary state). But she won't say if she's running for President or not. Who does she think she is, Brett Favre?
Reports say Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, of Jersey Shores fame, not really Italian, but a Chilean adopted by Italian family living here. Aren't you glad you get such vital information here without having to read the tabloids?