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Do You Need to Believe in God to Pray?

Posted: 04/08/11 10:01 PM ET

My very thoughtful 20-something son, Will, asked me the other day, "Dad, how do you pray for somebody if you don't really believe in God?"

Ouch. I know where this one was coming from, and I wanted to help, while respecting his beliefs. He's somewhere on the agnostic spectrum, full of doubts but I've always felt that honest doubts have a lot of faith in them. He's also been dealing, like the rest of the family, with a horrific tragedy that seems to offer only one response: prayers, lots of prayers.

Less than a month ago, his uncle, my brother-in-law Mike, was in a small plane crash that killed five guys and left Mike the only survivor, struggling for 24 hours between life and death in a hospital E.R. and then rushed to a burn unit where he is recovering slowly, oh, so slowly. How do you react to that? You can send cards, you can send casseroles, you can make calls, you can visit the family. But you want to do something bigger, and prayer feels like the biggest thing, something big enough to address the pain and sorrow.

Will wanted to say, "You're in my prayers," but he doesn't know how to follow up on that. What can he do?

I thought back to a phrase my dad had, the one he used when someone was in the hospital or someone lost a job or someone's marriage was floundering. "I'll hold a good thought," he said. Dad was a praying man so a "good thought" meant a prayer to him. But can't a "good thought" also mean the expression of a compassionate heart's deepest wish, a marshalling of all the good forces in the cosmos for the best resolution possible, a trust that good will come of bad?

That atheist provocateur Christopher Hitchens writes in the current Vanity Fair about the 400th anniversary of the King James Version of the Bible, recalling how at his father's funeral he read from Paul's epistle to the Philippians: "Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

As a very spiritual but not necessarily believing friend put it, "When many people are holding on to the same good thought you have to trust that the universe responds."

I know Mike has responded to the love, the good thoughts, the prayers that have multiplied around him. There are people remembering him on several continents. I can't quite believe that he would be around without them. Those same healing thoughts have been extended to the grieving families who have lost fathers, husbands and sons.

"Go ahead and say 'I'm holding a good thought,'" I told my son. "Go ahead and use that language. Your grandfather would say that. I can even give you a Bible quote mentioned by a learned atheist..."

As for me, I'm holding good thoughts for people in Japan, in Iraq and Afghanistan, in Haiti and in a hospital burn unit. Here's a place where I write them down to share them with many others. Sometimes it's the best you can do and all you can do.

 
 
 

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My very thoughtful 20-something son, Will, asked me the other day, "Dad, how do you pray for somebody if you don't really believe in God?" Ouch. I know where this one was coming from, and I wanted t...
My very thoughtful 20-something son, Will, asked me the other day, "Dad, how do you pray for somebody if you don't really believe in God?" Ouch. I know where this one was coming from, and I wanted t...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
gemini68
03:18 PM on 04/13/2011
In short: No you can't.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Christopher1971
09:41 PM on 04/12/2011
No, you can't actually pray without assuming the existance of someone or something to hear your prayer. To "pray" without belief is the equivalent of asking your coffee table for help. You know there is no point to it. You can do a little self-hypnosis or positive affirmation type work without a belief in deity and call it prayer if you like but it isn't prayer, it's self-hypnosis or affirmation work. I just don't see the point in co-opting terms like prayer and spirituality if they essentially must be redefined in order to make sense in the context in which they are used.

Even essentially non--theistic faiths like Buddhism and Taoism pray but even though these systems don't presume the existance of a personal omnipotent "God" they posit they existance of lesser godlike beings and spirits with whom one can interact. Actual prayer is the theoretical communication between the personal and the transpersonal. Without the transpersonal element you are just talking to yourself.
10:32 PM on 04/12/2011
In Buddhism and Taosim one prays to one's self.

When bowing to Sakyamuni Buddha (Siddartha Gautama Buddha) one prostrates to one's self.

You are the transpersonal element.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
gemini68
03:19 PM on 04/13/2011
And yet they make offerings to "Lord Buddha". The idea that Buddhism is without a deity is incorrect. It is a version of Idolatry.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Christopher1971
06:20 AM on 04/14/2011
You, the one praying is not the Self one is praying to. The personality that does the praying is the ego-self and it is the Transpersonal Self that listens. It's not as simplistic as you are indicating.
12:37 AM on 04/13/2011
Chris,

I appreciate your statement from a semantics standpoint, but you're forgetting about the agnostics.

I'm not the only person who has said "God, if you're really out there, I could really use a favor" during challenging times.

When I genuinely ask for a potentially nonexistent deity to give me a leg up (just in case), fully aware that I could be sending messages into a lifeless black cosmic void, am I co-opting the term "prayer"? Or is there a grey area for people who aren't sure, but are inclined to hedge their bets?
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
gemini68
03:23 PM on 04/13/2011
I am Muslim and in Islam we pray five times a day. It is a sign of faith and discipline within one's faith. In those prayers we are not asking Allah (God) for anything rather we are showing and exhibiting our faith in Allah. It is only in supplemental prayers done after the initial prayer that you ask Allah for something (a shiny new car or that job you just interviewed for). If the only time you are praying is when you want something than how genuine can the prayer be?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Christopher1971
06:22 AM on 04/14/2011
I think the agnostic's hopeful prayer is indeed prayer. The agnostic, in not knowing, is hoping that there is someone to hear his or her prayer. This isn 't the same as someone whose active disbelief prevents even the possibility that there may be someone beyond the self to hear their prayer.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ninjasrolled
Orbiting a small unregarded yellow sun
06:19 PM on 04/12/2011
My god is not your god, my prayer is not your prayer. But our humanity is the same.
12:23 PM on 04/12/2011
This is a very interesting topic and I am glad that you brought it up. I would wager to say that you couldnt pray if you are not a believer. Only because the excepted definition of prayer is asking God for help. But I do believe that you can pray in the sense of wishing good things upon people whether you believe in God or not.

Everybody is kinda hardwired to have feelings of supernatural higher authorities. I think that praying is one of the best things a human can do and can lead to a very healthy lifestyle. We all believe and have blind faith in something and I think through that we can pray within the constructs of whatever we believe.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LawrenceRoth
Real Liberal. Real American.
08:54 AM on 04/12/2011
No. Prayer is an internal dialogue not a supernatural dialogue.
12:35 PM on 04/12/2011
"Cant we all just get along" ? :)
05:29 PM on 04/11/2011
One p[rays because one can. Religion requires certain prayers at certain times. One's humanity permits one to pray anything at any time. One need not pray to a diety. One can just pray, as an expression of one's essential self at that moment. (Even for atheists, prayer doesn't contaminate.)
07:07 PM on 04/11/2011
I can pray but don't. Like many things in life we can do, I don't do them if I do not see a reason to do it.
Clearly prayers are not answered.
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rflctammt
War doesn't prove who is right, only who is left.
07:32 PM on 04/11/2011
Especially if one does not pray!
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
gemini68
03:24 PM on 04/13/2011
If in prayer all you are doing is asking for things then I could see it being perceived that way.
08:34 PM on 04/11/2011
Yes, one prays to one's self.
jokerdanny
my other bio is a macro
05:27 PM on 04/11/2011
well it's not a lot different from the guy walking down the street in ny city ranting to himself
jokerdanny
my other bio is a macro
05:19 PM on 04/11/2011
no, a birthday cake with candles will acheive the same results
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LeFlaneur
does nuance.
03:13 PM on 04/11/2011
No human being is perfect. Each of us wavers along degrees of wisdom and childishness, strength and weakness, courage and fear.

Praying to no god is simply summoning the wisest, strongest, compassionate sides of your nature. Nothing wrong with that.
05:29 PM on 04/11/2011
Perfectly said. Thx for sharing your understanding.
06:57 PM on 04/11/2011
Monsieur LeFlaneur
Merci beaucoup.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
syntax facit saltum
We do not live in a 2 story universe
02:20 PM on 04/11/2011
I don't think you need to believe in God to pray.
01:34 PM on 04/11/2011
Praying without belief in God begs the questions, "To whom are you praying, and why?" Empty spritualism.
02:49 PM on 04/11/2011
Agreed. "A marshalling of all the good forces in the cosmos" through positive thoughts? Hmm, how does that work, exactly?
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LeFlaneur
does nuance.
03:10 PM on 04/11/2011
About as well as talking to God.
07:11 PM on 04/11/2011
The same way praying to god works, not at all. Don't feel superior.
06:58 PM on 04/11/2011
But spiritualism as you called it is inherently empty.
08:58 AM on 04/12/2011
Being "spiritual" in the absence of belief in God in inherently empty.
11:56 AM on 04/11/2011
Something that always confused me: If everything happens for a reason and is god's will, why should anyone waste their time praying, if the outcome will already be pre-determined.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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gal416
is a Bible verse † † †
12:34 PM on 04/11/2011
Because God is merciful.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AdamWest1313
Hardcore Agnostic
03:41 PM on 04/11/2011
If God is merciful, hell can not exist. If Hell exists, God can not be merciful.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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05:03 PM on 04/11/2011
God is merciful? Read the Old Testament please.
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Gregor53
Remembering your past gives power to the present.
12:39 PM on 04/11/2011
That is like asking the ultimate question, "if God can do anything, can God make a rock that God can not pick up?"  Gives you a headache trying to figure it all out, so I quit trying...  I am happy in Carl Sagans Flatland.
11:53 AM on 04/11/2011
I often give thanks (usually for my deliverance from some major/minor disaster) to the "Big Bus Driver in the Sky", the one who drives the Big Bus ,the universal bus careening along the highways of time and space in the unknowable everything. I just take a second and look upward and say, "Thanks, to Whoever is Driving the Bus Today"...then I'm sure the thank you nod gets to whoever's shift it happens to be.
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babybecks
"because I am involved in Mankind;"
09:03 AM on 04/11/2011
I heard someone say this yesterday and it made sense to me. If you feel like you are wanting or needing to pray, but don't know who to address it, use your own name, and God

Ex. (your name is Bob) Bob's God, whoever is watching over Bob, then finish your prayer

I thought it was a pretty nifty idea
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
stuoverit
"What year did Jesus think it was?"-GC
12:35 PM on 04/11/2011
I prefer George Carlin's prayers to Joe Pesci.
04:29 AM on 04/11/2011
"But can't a "good thought" also mean the expression of a compassionate heart's deepest wish, a marshalling of all the good forces in the cosmos for the best resolution possible, a trust that good will come of bad?"

So this train of thought basically expects the same "results" as prayer without any possible explanation. It's a way for non-believers to believe in some sort of benefit due to wishes, without endangering their belief in some sort of wish-granter. Not even I, a devout Christian, think that prayer is a system as expressed by another example in this piece: "When many people are holding on to the same good thought you have to trust that the universe responds." Ironically, one of the more common attacks on prayer is that it doesn't work, and I don't deny that. I think we have to look past the material benefit and concentrate on the spiritual relationship that comes as a result.

Long story short, this idea of non-religious prayer is just the desire for what is often attributed as a benefit of prayer without any of the actual belief behind it. This is kind of ridiculous.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
detroitblkmale30
Wise Men Still Seek Him
08:05 AM on 04/11/2011
I'm glad someone said it. Afterall if it is foolishness to believe that an non-evidence supporting God exisits and responds to prayers(as many atheists on this site have constantly told me) then what is it to believe that basically an amorphous and obstinate universe will respond to wishes?
11:13 AM on 04/11/2011
I agree with the sentiment of the article but would never call it prayer. Why can't I, as an atheist, think good thoughts for someone? I don't have to believe that the magic man in the sky is going to do anything about them in order to have them.
11:54 AM on 04/11/2011
it's about the positive energy...thank you for yours