REP. BRIAN BILBRAY (R-CA): Chris, look, as someone who was born and raised on the border, I've seen this my entire life. There is indications between legal residents and those who can be identified as being highly suspectable.
MATTHEWS: Like what? Give me a non-ethnic -- give me a non-ethnic aspect that would tell you to pick up somebody.
BILBRAY: I'll give you an example of the -- they will look at the kind of dress you wear. There's different type of attire. There's different type of -- you -- right down to the shoes, right down to the clothes....
-Rep. Brian Bilbray (R-CA), explaining how police will enforce Arizona's tough new law against illegal immigrants.
Tired of being under constant scrutiny? Worn out from that daily police stop? Had it with having to slink around in the shadows?
Well, friends, now there's an answer! That's right -- now there's an easy way to keep your day totally on track, and without the stress and bother of pointless harassment:
Just slip on a pair of AngLoafers and your worries are over!
AngLoafers -- the footwear real Americans wear!
Friends, you know the story. Your family moved here from somewhere south of the border. It could have been back in 1583, but that won't matter -- not if you have that certain look. That "highly suspectable" look.
So what do you do when you've got two strikes against you already? That's right: You make sure that you don't strike out. You take the necessary steps.
You step into a pair of AngLoafers.
With AngLoafers, you'll blend right in. Your face may say you're from someplace else, but your feet will scream, "We're legal!"
And take it from me, friends: That's the only screaming your feet will ever do, because AngLoafers are built for comfort. Our patented SoftStride cushioning and QuietCross Arch Support make each mile a reason to smile. And our unmatched variety of styles and sizes means that we've got the shoe that's right for you -- everyone from that sweet plus-sized madrecita to the tiniest muchacho.
You worked too hard to get here. You've worked too hard since you've been here. Why take the chance that your shoes will trip you up?
Arizona's crack immigration-enforcement team knows all the telltale warning signs. They've been professionally trained to sniff out the sandal that's a little too...casual. The sneaker that's stained with that special Latin American dirt. The cops are on the prowl, and when they're on the prowl, they're sure to find what they're looking for -- so don't let your feet play into their hands!
AngLoafers are the way to go. The attract-no-attention way to go. The "you-bet-I-belong-here!" way to go. No sudden taps on the shoulder. No sneering demands for your "papers." With fashionable AngLoafers, you flash a penny here, a penny there, and nobody drops a dime on you. You're one of us, from head to toe -- especially toe.
Let the authorities look deep into your soles -- all they'll see are the good old Stars and Stripes! AngLoafers know their place, and they'll show your place: right here in the U.S. of A.!
What a relief to be finally, perfectly Red, White & Blue -- and we've got plenty of other colors, too! Our selection has never been better! Our prices have never been lower!
So don't wait a minute longer -- know the sheer pleasure of patriotic leather. Remember: AngLoafers walk the walk. The American walk. And so will you! And to keep your shoes -- and your future -- really gleaming, call the number on the screen in the next 10 minutes and we'll include, absolutely free, two bottles of real American shoe polish!
That's right, folks: Two free bottles of American polish, and the American shoes that make all the difference. A deal this good? It ought to be against the law!!
AngLoafers. You Won't Get Hassled When You Wear the Tassel.
Operators are standing by.
# # #
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
HuffPost Entertainment is your one-stop shop for celebrity news, hilarious late-night bits, industry and awards coverage and more — sent right to your inbox six days a week. Learn more