Palin's Farewell Speech: Words Fail Him

"We are facing tough challenges in America, with some seeming to just be hell-bent maybe on tearing down our nation, perpetuating some pessimism and suggesting American apologetics..."
Sarah Palin, in her farewell speech as Alaska's governor

"So how 'bout, in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin' things up!"
Sarah Palin, same speech, addressing the media

"How could we make this stuff up?"
The Media

"I'm makin' stuff up."
Rick Horowitz

* * *

"Hey, everybody -- everybody calm down and find yourselves some seats and we'll be starting in right away. What an absolutely beautiful day it is, and it is my honor to welcome you to the first class, or what some would call the inaugural class, even if that has a different meaning sometimes, here at the Sarah Palin Academy for Really Fluency."

"We love you, Sarah!"

"And right back atcha! And it's a real pleasure to be carrying that true Alaska spirit soaring through the rest of this great American country of ours by the dawn's early light. Now -- "

"Teach us, Sarah! Teach us!"

"Now many are those people who chose not to believe me when I said I wanted to fight for the things I gratefully believed in as their governor, and truth and freedom, without even being a governor anymore. And it's obvious how wrong they continue to be, because it's never been about needing a title to speak their mind, which should be all of us. And that's why I brought forth this Academy."

"Mold us, Sarah! Shape us!"

"OK, now the first thing is having something to say which when you think about it even for a minute or two, you absolutely do, so then the thing you have to learn, and God bless our brave troops for being willing to fight and even die to protect it, is how to say it so it impacts on people."

"Sarah, we are not worthy! Sarah, we -- "

"Now that's just the kind of nonsense some in the media enjoy to promulgate, and I say to them show me where that's written down because it absolutely won't be, as much as they live under our cherished freedoms, too. It only matters that you start with thoughts, and after that you find the words to say those thoughts out loud, and guess what, people? It's a speech!"

"Bless you, Sarah! Bless you, Sarah!"

"OK, from long years of experience I have acquired other utilizable procedures which are also helpful in accomplishing this. One of the best of these is always connecting, which can mean reminding them about the salmon or that special pride or especially our rugged military, one nation under God, so in that way the people, whether they be poor or rich, whether they be tall or short, and also in different latitudes, can grasp it."

"We want to be you, Sarah! We want to -- "

"And if you want to wink, you wink."

"We need to be you, Sarah! We -- "

"And really interesting once you start producing a connection is keeping it going, not with the flow necessarily, which we know all about being on the crystal-clear Alaska waters all that time, but just keeping the words coming out, including inspiring and sometimes those larger words, or as some like to describe it, multi-syllables, to show that there's serious business and not just circuses from Hollywood. And -- "

"You are the light, Sarah! You are the -- "

"And one other thing, and the most significant thing maybe to be infused is once you propagate the thoughts and words and no matter how many, it doesn't even matter what order they arrive in!"

"You are -- "

"Which is why English is completely no match for Palish, in which we stand."

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.