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Songs for the Season: "A Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas!"

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Desperate moments, friends, call for desperate measures. What you need right now is a special something to brighten up your holiday season.

Well, you're in luck! Yes, friends: Make way for the latest edition of the Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas!!


And-a-one, and-a-two, and-a...

We three fools from Michigan are,
Came by jet instead of by car,
Struggling, bleeding,
Begging, pleading,
We'll even take a czar...

* * *

I saw Mommy bail out Santa Claus,
In the halls of Congress late last night.
He said, "I'm out of cash,"
She dug into her stash,
He told her to keep giving
Or his reindeer all would crash...

* * *

You'd better watch out,
And heed what I say,
You'd better protect your 401(k),
Nasty times are coming to town.

With layoffs and cuts,
And bonuses gone,
You'd better get used to filly mignon,
Nasty times are coming to town...

* * *

The weather outside is rotten,
And a Veep can be forgotten,
As the Cabinet starts to grow,
Lean on Joe! Lean on Joe! Lean on Joe!

He's keepin' his tongue in hidin',
Which is tough for Mr. Biden,
With so many days still to go,
Call on Joe! Call on Joe! Call on Joe!

* * *

O-bama, be faithful,
Dance with those who brung you,
Don't give in,
Don't ca-ave in
To Hi...ill...ary!

* * *

Janet Napolitano,
Has to keep the homeland calm,
Keep out the tools of terror:
Bio! Chemo! Dirty bomb!

Watching along the border,
Gazing at the sea and sky,
She'll never let her guard down --
Someone somewhere's gonna try.

* * *

The First Michelle
To the White House did go,
With a husband, two girls and a puppy in tow.
A puppy in tow, pre-selected to please --
Not a lap dog who's yappy
Or might make them sneeze...

* * * for Sarah Palin,
Nieman's and Saks and everywhere! for Sarah Palin,
Her threads are looking worn.

* * *

God rest ye, Joe the Plumber Man,
Return to whence you came,
You had your moment on the stage,
Your 15 clicks of fame,

A record deal, a cable show,
The world will know your name --
Then they'll toss you like yesterday's toy,
Yesterday's toy,
They'll just dump you like yesterday's toy.

* * *

O Dubya,
George Dubya,
It's almost time for leaving.
O Dubya,
George Dubya,
Our grins are mixed with grieving.

You gave us years of needless war,
Katrina, Rove, and so much more,
O Dubya,
George Dubya:
We're done with your deceiving.

* * *

"Do you hear what I hear?"
Said the Feds who were listening on the wire.
"Do you hear what I hear?"
A knave, a crook,
Who plotted, schemed and took,
Went for all the loot he could steal,
Illinois loves "Let's Make a Deal."

* * *

Rod Blagojevich...
Rod Blagojevich...
What an idiot you're being,
If the latest charge is true.

Tried to play it sweet...
With a Senate seat...
Now a prison cell you're seeing,
Rod Blagojevich: Bleep you!

# # #


Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at