Thanksgiving 2010: The Perfect Time for Complete Thankfulocity

How am I thankful? Let me count the ways:

I am thankful for the warm embrace of a loving family.

I am thankful for the enduring blessings of liberty.

I am thankful for the wonderful friends I've made over the years. And the ones I haven't yet made.

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I am thankful to have a sturdy roof over my head. (Although if we can ever get around to replacing the flood-damaged, mold-ridden, ripped-out drywall in the basement, I'd be thankful for that, too.)

I am thankful to live in a country that has the greatest health-care system in the world right across the border.

I am thankful to live in a world that won't run out of essential resources soon enough to inconvenience me.

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I am thankful we don't have 30-hour days, or nine-day weeks -- cable TV 24/7 is more than enough, thanks.

I am thankful for simplified credit-card bills. If I wanted to be fluent in a foreign language, I'd go to night school.

I am thankful for the touch of a stranger's hand. (But not at the airport. Or on the subway at rush hour.)

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I am thankful to live in a land where neither religion, nor race, nor ethnicity, nor geography, nor the utter absence of dancing talent, can stand in the way of a young girl's mother's dream.

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I am thankful for oyster po-boy sandwiches.

I am thankful for "vanity sizing" of men's pants.

I am thankful that we don't get all hung up on "truth in labeling."

I am thankful for the Comedy Channel, and for Fox News.

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I am thankful that North Korea exists, if only to prove that, no matter how long you've known somebody, you can always add a little excitement to the relationship.

I am thankful for the pizzazz of Harry Reid and the common sense of Michele Bachmann.

I am thankful that truth is stranger than satire only some of the time.

I am thankful that Barack Obama has somebody to walk the dog when it's raining.

I am thankful for odor-eating kitty litter.

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I am thankful for corporate CEOs still so humble they insist they're the ones getting the short end of the stick.

I am thankful for public officials so unafraid of nuclear annihilation that they won't waste their valuable vacation time trying to do more to prevent it. Anyone can be scared. It's much harder to be ridiculous.

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I am thankful for Apple, for Google, for Kindle, for Urkel, for Hansel, and for Gretel.

I am thankful that stores won't start putting up next year's Christmas decorations for at least another month or two.

I am thankful that if you mess around just a tiny bit with the phrasing of "The Christmas Song," you can get Nat King Cole to sing, "Everybody knows a turkey..."

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I am thankful that, when parents complain about their kids' lack of attention span, most kids aren't strong enough to fling a "Harry Potter" book at them.

I am thankful for the universal remote and the motorized tie rack, although I'm even more thankful that I don't own either of these things.

I am thankful that somebody else is Keith Olbermann's boss.

I am thankful for no longer being so superstitious that I wouldn't dream of writing down the many things I'm thankful for.

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And of course:
I am thankful to Leonardo da Vinci for inventing Wikipedia.

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Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.