So it's 10 years since The Office launched into the world.
And 50 since I did.
How the fuck did that happen?
The 20 year-old on the left is thinking, "I hope I don't live long enough to look like that grizzled old bugger on the right."
But luckily, the grizzled old bugger on the right is thinking, "at least I don't look like that poncey little prat on the left."
I don't know whether that suggests that everything changes or nothing changes.
But I love what Muhammed Ali said on the subject...
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
I certainly don't view the world the same. It's slightly more blurry.
My body is crumbling but not my passion. I work harder than I ever did and enjoy it more than I ever did too. I'm probably the fittest I've ever been. Which proves that it's never too late. Or it proves that I was so out of shape that it was easy to beat. Doesn't matter. And I think I'm more chilled out about things.
And fucking angrier about other things. I'm still very angry. When I'm not anymore, there's a problem.
I don't know what happiness is but it's definitely NOT just going with the flow. Going with the flow, for Christ sake? Don't ever go with the flow. Stop the flow, go against the flow, start the flow, but don't under any circumstance just go with the flow.
It may ruffle a few feathers, but some people's feathers need a little ruffling.
And remember: just because someone is offended doesn't mean they're in the right.
You have the right to be offended, and I have the right to offend you. But no one has the right to never be offended.
And never just try to offend either. That's churlish, pointless and frankly too easy. But always say what you mean. Be honest. No one should ever be offended by truth. That way you'll never have to apologise. I hate when a comedian says "Sorry for what I said." You shouldn't have said it. You shouldn't say it if you didn't mean it and you should never regret anything you meant to do. As a comedian I think my job isn't just to make people laugh but also make them think. As a famous comedian I also want a strict door policy on my club. Not everyone will like what I say or find it funny. And I wouldn't have it any other way. There's enough comedians who try to please everyone as it is. Good luck to them, but that's not my game I'm afraid.
This is not a democracy. No art form is. I love the creative process and I love being a complete dictator when it comes to my work. It's my way or no way at all.
I'm quite Darwinian about it. I do my thing and I survive or I don't. I'm here now though.
Enjoying life. While it lasts. Because that's all, folks. Make the most of it.
At the moment I'm seeing more of life that usual as I'm getting up three hours early to film my new sitcom Life's Too Short.
This is what happens when actors get it right:
This is what happens when they get it wrong:
Life IS too short. Particularly if you just go with the fucking flow.
Good advise also. Keep it up.
Use your time trying to write better stand up, Ricky.
Every comedian I've ever respected or enjoyed wasn't out to please everyone. And I didn't want to do the same jokes about golf, kids & wives for years. The Flow is convenient; it is never funny...
If you get pulled over just explain to the cop how brief our time is on this earth.
"You shouldn't say it if you didn't mean it and you should never regret anything you meant to do."
But Ricky, you're the one that came up with The Invention of Lying. You have only yourself to blame.
Wokka wokka wokka!