Me neither. So I made up a few. Try some of your own -- and yes, I know he may have more than seven houses. Some say it's as many as twelve. He doesn't know.
But don't you think seven's a funnier number? So here we go (with apologies to the memory of Joey Adams.)
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Boy, does that John McCain have a lot of houses. Lemme tell ya ... If they were all in one place he'd be Cleveland.
What? John McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns? Can't he ask Joe Lieberman?
Know what else? John McCain doesn't know if any of his houses share a border with Pakistan.
Now his campaign is saying Cindy does all the house-buying so he can't be expected to know. What a sexist! He makes his wife do all the shopping!
John McCain's dog is so fat that when it sits around the house, it sits around ... (Oh, wait, he has seven houses so this joke doesn't work. He'd have to have a whole pack of dogs. I'll get back to you on the dog joke.)
Don't blame McCain. He couldn't resist that "buy six mansions, get one free" sale at Countrywide.
Hey, didja hear? John McCain has so many houses they're giving him his own monopoly board!
Seven houses? That's one for every day of the week! What a coincidence! I've got a 'Friday' house, too. That's because Friday's payday ... and it takes my whole check just to keep it.
John McCain's getting an unfair rap for buying all those houses. Come on, now! He needed SOMEPLACE to put all those swimming pools!
Hey, remember that horrible "joke" about putting Cindy in the topless beauty contest? I hear he was really in the "dog houses" after that. (Sorry ... still can't nail the dog joke.)
The McCains have a lovely needlepoint their realtor sent them. It says "Home Sweet Home Sweet Home Sweet Home Sweet Home Sweet Home Sweet Home."
As John McCain likes to say, there are no places like home.
Hey, I know it SOUNDS bad. But they needed someplace to put all those lobbyists!
They don't count the motor home because it's only got four bathrooms and there's nowhere for the gardeners to sleep.
I hear that the McCains are doing a vacation house-swap with the Romneys. Sure, it'll take seven trips, but then they won't be very busy next year anyway.
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock. Who's there? John McCain's mansions.
If a man's home is his castle, then John McCain's got the whole chess set!
Seven houses? That barely fits the twenty thousand bikers he promised could "crash" at his "pads" if they cheered for him.
Dog joke: John McCain thinks every home should have a dog. So he bought the Iditarod dogsled team.
- and my final boy-does-that-John McCain-have-a-lot-of-houses joke:
Hey, John McCain can't remember how many houses he has! It's not his fault, though. He had the number written down but he left it in his other plane.
RJ Eskow blogs at:
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(Somebody had to say it.)
He is the only real house majority leader
Because he married a home-wrecker?
Oh wait... that's not funny.
I'll have to have my staff get back to you on that.
How many houses does McCain have?
He doesn't know.
What?
Who's there?
Wait, you're not one of those people I gave a quarter of a mill to, last year. Cindy, is this place one of ours?
Who's there?
John M.cCain's house
John M.cCain's house who?
I'll have to have my staff get back to you on that. Uhm, I'm not exactly, uh, sure with the condominums, my staff will get you the actual, uhm, number.
He ditched the idea. Instead he's just going to have Lieberman fly out ahead. (rim shot)
How about this one; They are investment properties, not houses.
Consider the IRS angle; Cindy and McSame file separate tax returns, houses listed in Cindy's return.
Variation on the old Clinton laugh bomb: Depends on what the meaning of "house" is.
The scandal-next-door defense, already shown in commercial: Obama's Resko mansion.
The I'm-too-busy to know 'cuz I'm fighting for America" response: "I don't keep track of such things." Dangerous, for it can easily be turned into the "I'm too old to remember" boomerang.
The American Dream mantra: "Only in America would hard work pay off so handsomely." to be immediately followed by "Constituent Service = hard work" to blunt the sure-to-come "What hard work did you do, McSame?" attack.
The "Don't attack my spouse, Cindy" safe, reliable response.
The "Don't be jeolous of me" song.
"I spent five years locked up in 'Nam" often repeated answer to everything.
Why not use the "This is all negative campaigning" mantra the media and the sheeple have come to accept? Seems to be the best one.