THE BLOG

U.S. Debt: A Vision From the Year 2049

07/21/2011 12:39 pm ET | Updated Sep 20, 2011

It's the year 2049, and good news! The United States of Chinamerica has finally gotten rid of its debt.

How did we do it? With a solution so simple, so elegant, it eluded the best minds of our and previous generations, until its genius was irresistible:

We shot it into space.

I know, I know, it doesn't sound that impressive. In the year 2049, we shoot all kinds of things into space: household waste, pollution from our still-oil-burning, rising-ocean-level-ready "boatcars" -- as well as death row inmates, and every Tuesday at 9:00, the contestant who got voted off our #1 virtual reality show Get Out of My Brainchip, Pal!

But the debt was different.

Both we, and the Chinese financial whizzes who started out as America's "consultants" and ended up our "VPs of Binational Synergy" debated long and hard on how to pay it down. Social Security was completely untouchable after the invention of the "Immortality Slurpee." And a tax rate was finally agreed upon after scores of Republicrats, Demoborgs, and Chinopublicans lost their lives fighting it out in "CongressDome." However, in practice the tax became uncollectible once Texas engineers perfected a concealed laser gun programmed to automatically vaporize any public servant seeking revenue.

So, space it was.

But what an inspiring sight it made for: Millions of men, women, "bothies," helperbots, and children born AND unborn -- gathered as one to watch the launch of the great vessel filled with nothing but pure red energy -- and wish it well as it left our atmosphere, and balance books, forever.

It was a great day to be a Chinamerican.

Rob Kutner's new book, THE FUTURE ACCORDING TO ME, is available for 99 cents now from Amazon using the Kindle app (usable on any computer or device). Buy it here.