DeFarra Gaymon and Why Black Homophobia Now Has a Body Count

Recently, DeFarra Gaymon, the Black CEO of Credit Union of Atlanta, was shot and killed by an undercover cop in a known gay cruising area in what appears to be a botched sex-sting operation. While the police report is vague and the details sketchy, what is crystal clear to me is that a husband and father has just died due to the unchecked homophobia within the black community and the pressures of the closet that it brings. I'm an out gay black man, and while I don't believe that blacks are any more homophobic than any other group (we're not exactly funding propositions to prevent gay marriage), I do know that talking about the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender members of the community remains a taboo in our society. It is simply not discussed openly, and when it is, it's reduced to "down-low" memes that do nothing more than spread myths and demonize gay sexuality.

From the "no homo" in hip-hop culture to the gay hate preached from the pulpits, African-Americans teach each other and our young people that being gay isn't only a bad thing, it's the worst thing. By doing so, Black culture shoves men like Defarra Gaymon deeper into the closet every day. It's why many LGBT African-Americans live in fear of coming out. It's why an 11-year-old black boy named Carl Joseph Walker Hoover committed suicide last year after enduring months of anti-gay bullying at his school. Before we turn Mr. Gaymon into yet another tired DL boogeyman, perhaps we should take a hard look at the kind of environment that has been created that could lead to this tragic event.

I am not an apologist for closeted men. If we are to believe that Mr. Gaymon was soliciting sex in that park (and I do), his actions were reckless and harmful not only to himself, but to his unsuspecting family. Having been lucky enough not to be raised in a church that preached homophobic messages or with family members that were vocally opposed to gays, I wonder what kind of messages Mr. Gaymon was exposed to during his upbringing. I wonder what his friends, family, and church thought about gay people. I wonder what ideas or thoughts he internalized during what I can only assume to be the many years spent struggling with his sexuality.

Mainstream African-American culture continues to teach the LGBT members of it that we are not worthy of love or respect, that we are to be feared, mocked, or pitied, that we are the reasons behind HIV rates and that being LGBT is antithetical to being an upstanding member of the Black Community. It is wrong, it is dangerous, and as we see with the case of Mr. DeFarra Gaymon, it's deadly. This week's events present a unique time to start a conversation about homophobia in the black community, and what can be done to move above and beyond it.

It's time to speak now, or forever hold your peace.

 

Follow Rob Smith on Twitter: www.twitter.com/robsmithonline

Comments

[Waldimore]

04:38 PM on 08/22/2010

This is a sad story and the responses to it prove how polarized we are. A man is dead and we only have one version of the story: the cop's. Police officers right now have a terrible reputation, which has been earned by those in blue who have abused their power. This is particularly true with black men. But I can't help but wonder, what was this man doing in this park? His family firmly states: "He was NOT gay. So that would mean a cop simply shot an unarmed man in cold blood. I also would like to know the cop's record. How many times he used his firearm? Reports on police brutality, if any. Any other incidents while undercover at this location? As much as I feel for his family, it's hard for me to support their belief that he was not gay. That's not a crime. But having sex in public, masturbation, and even just taking a leak is against the law, whether you are straight, gay, man or woman. The police are well withing their rights to arrest you or give you a summons. So what happened here? Did the cop just decide to shoot a man in cold blood, a man who was noted for his impeccable dress and grooming, a lightskinned, red-headed black man? Or did the deceased just go into full-blown panic mode at being discovered and behave irrationally at the thought of public humiliation? Whatever happened, it's just truly sad.

[Nathan James]

08:12 AM on 07/23/2010

If DeFarra Gaymon had chosen to come out of the closet, oh, say, 25 years ago, I highly doubt he would have achieved the level of success and social status he actually did. It's disgusting that rampant homophobia in today's society still forces men and women into the closet for the sake of their lives and careers. It is unlikely that Mr. Gaymon's career or marriage would have survived his being outed via arrest. I am almost certain this was foremost on Mr. Gaymon's mind when the cop told Gaymon he was under arrest. In an instant, Gaymon saw everything he worked so hard to achieve and build, evaporate before his eyes. I agree completely with Smith that whether Gaymon's choice to engage in public sex was wise or not, it was society's homophobia that put him in the park to begin with.

If we lived in an open-minded, understanding society, rather than the harshly judgmental one we actually inhabit, maybe Mr. Gaymon would be alive today, and free to live in his truth as a brilliant, successful gay man of color.

[Jdaddy1951]

07:29 PM on 07/22/2010

Homophobia is a mental disorder, whether it exhibits itself in a preacher's pulpit or at the hands of a weapon-wielding thug on the street. Violent homophobes need to be put in a jail or an asylum, because they are a threat to the public good. Nonviolent homophobes should be encouraged to seek mental health counseling to cure them of their obsession, which is a chosen lifestyle, unlike homosexuality, the biological trait that homophobes are obsessed with.

[RhymeAndReason]

06:23 PM on 07/22/2010

Sorry I'm not buying the argument that homophobia in the black community is the cause of Mr. Gaymon's death. Nope, too many blacks do openly live as gay men and women and deal with the slights. Mr. Gaymon, if it is true he was soliciting sex, is responsible for his own death as he chose to live a lie, something that was completely unfair to his wife. If he were living openly and honestly, there would be no need to be trolling in a park if in fact that is what he was doing.

[shbkyn]

12:50 PM on 07/22/2010

I get tied of people trying to teach other people about their feelings and belief, because they fel it is wrong, like this article, if you want to be gay, have at it, but do not try to tell me what is wrong with me, and it is wrong to feel the way I do about gay people. It is genocide against any race of people, I am not a religious person, but I think it is somewhere in the bible where God is against homosexuality.

[garystartswithg]

01:11 PM on 07/22/2010

mistranslation, if you knew anything about hebrew culture and the bible it is against keeping young boys as sex slaves. at the time the bible was written it was a very common practice. hebrew culture was the first to extend human rights to women and children. king james who "translated" the bible kept boy sex slaves. something had to be blurred in his favor.

[Terry S Thirry]

05:44 PM on 07/22/2010

And I get tired of ignorant people like you who go running to the Bible to tell someone they are wrong about their life choices pretending if God designated you to be a disciple. You all are so focus on the orthodox and don't even know where the story originated from or even if it came from God. You claim you are not a religious person but you insist on referring to an alleged religious doctrine to run your life and predict how you feel about your brothers and sisters.

Sit down cause you sound foolish. This article is exactly what people especially my black brothers and sisters need to here. The homophobic rants and ignorance needs to STOP! Philip Gulley said it best "Take an ancient doctrine, insist it originated with God, devise a ritual that reinforces it, wrap it in a prayer, reward those who perpetuate it, and condemn to hell those who don't, and what you have is a significant portion of today's church."