THE BLOG
06/11/2013 03:41 pm ET Updated Aug 11, 2013

Waiting for Obamacare to Be Repealed , by Samuel Beckett

A timeless, nameless wasteland somewhere in Washington, DC. Two House Republicans are sitting dejectedly on a bench.

VLADIMIR: What do you want to do?

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR: We've already voted 497 times to repeal Obamacare.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR: Ever time we vote on it, it gets voted down.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR: Even if it passes House, the bill would get blocked in the Senate. We just don't have enough votes.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR: And if it somehow miraculously passed the Senate, Obama would certainly veto the bill. He's not going to repeal his signature piece of legislation.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR: So you see, anything we do is an empty, symbolic gesture, devoid of all reason or meaning.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

VLADIMIR (sighing heavily): Very well.

They stand up and hold a vote to repeal Obamacare. Both VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON raise their hands in favor. ESTRAGON raises both hands. The measure is soundly defeated.

VLADIMIR: Well, that's that.

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

A man enters, dragging a dead horse.

VLADIMIR: Who are you?

POZZO: My name is Pozzo, and this is my mighty steed, Benghazi.

ESTRAGON: What happened to your horse?

POZZO: What do you mean, what happened to my horse?

VLADIMIR: He looks dead.

POZZO: Nothing of the sort. He's just resting.

ESTRAGON: He looks dead to me too.

POZZO: He's not dead! Here, I'll prove it to you!

POZZO savagely beats BENGHAZI with a riding crop. Nothing happens.

POZZO: You see? I told you he was just resting.

VLADIMIR: He didn't move.

POZZO: Yes he did.

ESTRAGON: I didn't see him move, either.

POZZO: He's not dead, I tell you! Would I waste my precious time and the taxpayers' valuable money beating a dead horse?

Again, POZZO savagely beats BENGHAZI with a riding crop. Again, nothing happens.

VLADIMIR: I think he's dead.

POZZO: He's just resting. He's all tuckered out after a prolonged canter.

ESTRAGON: Here, let me try.

ESTRAGON aims a few well-placed kicks at BENGHAZI's head. Again, nothing happens.

POZZO: There, he was just coming to, then you stunned him. Thoroughbreds stun easily, you know.

VLADIMIR: Is this Samuel Beckett or Monty Python?

POZZO: What?

VLADIMIR: Sorry, I was just reminded of an old skit.

ESTRAGON: Heh, heh, heh, I remember that one. About a parrot, wasn't it?

POZZO: It doesn't matter. I have plenty of other steeds.

VLADIMIR: You do?

POZZO: Yes, I do. A whole stable full of them. I could fill a whole race track, if I had a mind to. And I do.

ESTRAGON: What are their names?

POZZO: IRS, Associated Press, Fast and Furious...

VLADIMIR: The Vin Diesel car chase movie franchise?

POZZO: No, not the Vin Diesel car chase movie franchise!

ESTRAGON: I saw Fast and Furious 6. It was pretty good. Not as good as Fast and Furious 1, but not as bad as Fast and Furious 3.

VLADIMIR: Yeah, Fast and Furious 3 was a piece of shit.

POZZO: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE VIN DIESEL CAR CHASE MOVE FRANCHISE! I'M TALKING ABOUT MY STABLE OF THOROUGHBRED RACE HORSES!

VLADIMIR: Oh.

ESTRAGON: No need to shout.

VLADIMIR: We're just a little punchy from all these Obamacare repeal votes.

ESTRAGON: Yeah, we're a little dopey.

POZZO: That's my point.

VLADIMIR: It is?

POZZO: That's my point exactly!

ESTRAGON: What is?

POZZO: One of these horses can beat Obama. One of these horses can drive him from the White House. Benghazi, IRS, Associated Press, Fast and Furious, Solyndra, PRISM, Aurora, Sandy Hook, it doesn't matter! And if they can't, we'll get another. And another. And another. We'll keep throwing horses at him until one of them sticks. We won't give up until we find a horse that can beat him. Because we can't give up. Because if we give up, we admit defeat. Because if we admit defeat, then the Democrats have a lock on the White House. And if the Democrats have a lock on the White House, then Hillary Clinton becomes president in 2016. And if Hillary Clinton becomes president in 2016, then it's the end. The apocalypse. The void. Nothingness.

VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON look at each other.

VLADIMIR: But Benghazi is dead.

ESTRAGON: Yeah, Benghazi is dead.

POZZO: OH!

Again, POZZO savagely beats BENGHAZI with a riding crop. Again, nothing happens. POZZO drags BENGHAZI off the stage, sweating and cursing. VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON sit back down dejectedly on the bench.

VLADIMIR: What do you want to do?

ESTRAGON: I want to repeal Obamacare.

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